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3.01 Welcome Wagon

Written by: Rob Thomas
Directed by: John T. Kretchmer

Original Air Date: 3 October, 2006
Transcribed by Inigo with thanks to chookie for the lyrics.
Last edited: 10 October, 2006

[301/0028.jpg]EXT - HEARST COLLEGE - DAY.

Under a grey sky, Veronica makes her way across the campus. A large banner is set up: "Rally Against Violence Towards Women - Take Back the Night - 4pm at Johnson Lawn - All are welcome to attend - Let's Stand United!" Veronica passes under it.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: Here it is. First day of college. What do you say, Veronica? New school, fresh start.

Veronica glances over at three girls, securing one end of the banner.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: How 'bout you try not to piss anyone off this time around.

Veronica heads for the entrance in the main building.

DR. LANDRY: [offscreen] Welcome to college...


On a screen at the front of a lecture theatre are the words "Intro to Criminology." A man walks forward from the lectern next to it.

DR. LANDRY: ...where it's okay to skip class. Just not mine.

The students titter appreciatively. A girl sitting behind Veronica leans forward, gazing dreamily at the professor.

[301/0038.jpg]CATHY: Skip class? I'm gonna staple myself to the floor.

Veronica growls in agreement.

DR. LANDRY: Before we dive in, I've been asked to plug the Criminology Department's mentoring program. We work with at risk kids here in Neptune. Our philosophy is that it's better to prevent crimes through intervention than be forced to solve them later. My teaching assistant...

Landry extends his arm in the direction of a young man sitting at the front of the room, facing the students. The young man, the spitting image of Lucky from Season Two, but in a shaggy wig, stands.

DR. LANDRY: ...Timothy Foyle, will take the names of those who would like to volunteer.

Timothy gives a small bow. Landry quickly moves on, pointing a remote over his shoulder at the screen behind him.

DR. LANDRY: Here's a reading list for the semester.

The screen changes to a list of books.

DR. LANDRY: All should be available used at the Co-op.

CATHY: What about your book, Dr. Landry?

DR. LANDRY: Profiling is an upper level course. Gotta walk before we run.

There's giggly amongst the students. Cathy leans back in her seat, satisfied with her brown-nosing. Landry claps his hands together.

DR. LANDRY: All right, what do you say we start off this semester with a little bit of ridiculous fun.

He picks up some envelopes from his desk and holds them up.

DR. LANDRY: Murder on the Riverboat Queen.

He passes the envelopes to Timothy who starts to distribute them among the students.

DR. LANDRY: If Tim hands you an envelope, that makes you a passenger and a witness on the Riverboat Queen. Go ahead, open your envelope. It'll give you all the details you need to play this role.

Timothy walks past Veronica without giving her an envelope.

DR. LANDRY: Who you are, what you saw. If you’re the murderer, you're given your cover story. Now if you're not given a card, that makes you one of the Pinkertons, brought on board to solve the case. You can question any of the passengers.

Timothy makes his way back to the front of the class.

DR. LANDRY: The current record for solving the case is sixteen minutes, courtesy of the amazing Mr. Foyle.

Timothy bows with a grand flourish. Landry chuckles as Veronica looks on, brow furrowed at the boastfulness on display.

DR. LANDRY: All right, detectives. You may begin questioning your passengers...

He pauses, checking his watch.


Landry goes back to his lectern, Timothy watches the class and the students start to turn to talk to each other. Some move about. Veronica looks at one of them, then turns her attention to her laptop, open on the desk in front of her. She's connected to the internet. She starts to type. Cut to a few moments later. The babbling of the students continues as Timothy paces the room. Veronica is sitting back in her seat, reading Popular Photography & Imaging. Timothy notices and heads towards her. He stands in front of her and clears his throat. Veronica looks up. Timothy folds his arms and smirks. Veronica smiles and, when he doesn't say anything, takes the initiative.


TIMOTHY: Dr. Landry expects everyone to participate. Is it possible you ended up in the wrong class?

Veronica does a little double-take.

TIMOTHY: [condescendingly] Your academic advisor can get you into something else, you know. Elementary education, maybe. I think it's okay to read magazines over there, they even cut them up sometimes, make little collages.

Veronica's eyes narrow to slits before she gives him a forced giggle. She returns her attention to her magazine.

VERONICA: I know who did it.

Timothy is flabbergasted. He goes to say something, stops himself, looks at her and then shouts to Landry.

[301/0300.jpg]TIMOTHY: Dr. Landry!

DR. LANDRY: Whatcha got?

As Landry makes his way over to them, Timothy points at Veronica.

TIMOTHY: This girl says she's got it, but she hasn't moved from her seat.

DR. LANDRY: And you are?

VERONICA: Veronica. Mars.

DR. LANDRY: So, Veronica Mars. Who are you going to send to prison for the rest of his natural born days.

VERONICA: The blind yet not really blind fiddle player, Rutherford Styles.

Landry, impressed, looks at Timothy, who is put out. They both look down at Veronica who gives Timothy a triumphant shrug.

DR. LANDRY: Congratulations, Veronica.

He addresses the class as he heads back to his lectern.

DR. LANDRY: All right everybody, you can stop. We have a winner and a new record holder. Six minutes.

Veronica finally drops her magazine as the students return to their seats.

DR. LANDRY: So, how did you figure it out?

VERONICA: Murder on the Riverboat Queen was a murder mystery in a box game made by Wigwam Toys in the late '80s. Fans of the games set up message boards on line that gave away details. I just ignored all the spoiler alerts, which I know is kind of douchebaggy, but...

TIMOTHY: The game is set in the 1890s. You can't use the internet.

Veronica looks past Timothy to Landry

VERONICA: Was that a rule?

DR. LANDRY: [amused] It wasn't a rule.

TIMOTHY: And there are two possible killers in the box. I mean, [chuckling with disapproval] you just took a fifty-fifty stab, didn't you?

VERONICA: Sorry, no. The other killer is Countess Magee. Dr. Landry just asked me who I was going to send away for the rest of his natural born days. That kind of sold me on blind Rutherford. There is one thing I can't figure out though.

She pauses a moment and looks up at Timothy.

VERONICA: What did you do for the extra ten minutes.

There is laughter among the students. Timothy is beaten and knows it. He heads back to the front of the class. Veronica watches him, please with herself.

Opening credits (new style).

[301/0442.jpg]EXT - HEARST COLLEGE - DAY.

Logan is sitting on a bench, disinterestedly watching people walk by.

VERONICA: [offscreen and with a raspy voice] You a bounty hunter, boy?

Logan smiles. The camera pulls back to reveal Veronica sitting on the bench next to him, adopting his position: arms spread out resting along the back of the bench, legs wide apart.

LOGAN: I really shouldn't have pushed for the Clint Eastwood marathon. Now I've ruined you. I didn't think it was possible to make you more butch. Stupid, stupid Logan.

He looks over at her.

LOGAN: Well, you wanna feel like a man, walk me to class?

Veronica leans forward, holding out her hand.

VERONICA: Carry your books?

LOGAN: Why not?

Logan picks up the few books next to him as he leans forward to give her a kiss. She takes them. They stand and start walking.

LOGAN: Guess who I saw on campus today?

VERONICA: Some girl going wild? As I understand it, it happens all the time in college. I'm on the verge of it right now.

LOGAN: No, Dick, my BFF.

VERONICA: I thought he was crashing with his dad in the Caymans.

LOGAN: Naw, he's back.

VERONICA: You guys talk?

LOGAN: Yeah, but it was brief. Shouted his name, flipped me off...the bonds of friendship.

VERONICA: It was enough of a struggle getting you into Hearst, how do you think he managed it?

LOGAN: Well, his mom remarried Schwarzenegger's business manager.


LOGAN: Yeah. I'm sure a call from the Governor can get you into most colleges in the state.

Logan pauses, suddenly serious. Veronica stops and faces him.

LOGAN: Hey, uh...people are saying Dick's a mess, you know, on account of his, uh, brother Greg Louganising off of my roof.

VERONICA: It wasn't your fault Cassidy jumped.

LOGAN: Nothing's ever my fault.

Logan bends down to give Veronica a quick peck, takes his books from her and walks away. Veronica watches him go with concern.


Veronica enters the apartment carrying the post. She looks through it, swinging the door closed behind her. She is particularly interested in a large brown, padded envelope from the Sutcliffe Hotel, New York, New York (addressed to Mars Family, 1909 Seacrest Road, Neptune, Ca 98...).


Keith is at his desk. His gun is dismantled in front of him and he is in the process of cleaning it. He looks down the barrel, then drops a weighted line through it. There's a noise from the outer office and he looks up. Vinnie Van Lowe appears, one leg to the side in the air and claps softly, making an entrance. Keith returns his attention to his cleaning equipment.

KEITH: [unenthusiastically] Vinnie. What brings you to the good part of the wrong side of the tracks?

VINNIE: Dollar signs, mi amigo.

He grins and clicks his fingers, taking a step further into Keith's office.

VINNIE: The almighty buck. I got a case that requires a little, uh, double detective duty.

Vinnie accompanies this with the a little boxing jig, coming fully into the office. He points out of the window.

VINNIE: Uh, Lucky Pierre owns a jewellery store and suspects that he's got an embezzler.

Vinnie comes to a halt in front of Keith's desk.

[301/0636.jpg]VINNIE: What do you say? Huh? Wonder Twin powers activate!

He holds out a fist excitedly.

KEITH: Can't Vinnie. Got my own case and it's taking me out of town.

Vinnie looks down at the gear spread all over Keith's desk.

VINNIE: A hit? I understand there's good money in that. How does one break in? Is there a union of some kind? Put in a good word for me, would ya?

Vinnie picks up the soft briefcase that is lying on the corner of Keith's desk, inspecting it.

VINNIE: You know, I've thought about getting myself a briefcase, not that I really need it.

Vinnie ducks his head into the briefcase. Keith, with a bit of a sigh, gets up from his chair to take it from him.

VINNIE: You know, everything I need I keep right up here.

Vinnie taps his head as Keith leans forward and grabs the briefcase.

KEITH: Vinnie, I'm busy.

Vinnie holds up his hands.

VINNIE: Okay, okay, if you wanna be that guy.

Vinnie pouts and turns to leave.


Keith enters the apartment and checks the mail where Veronica has left it on the kitchen counter.

VERONICA: [offscreen, shouting] Dad? Come here!

Keith looks up, throws down the post and heads for Veronica's bedroom. He enters. Veronica is at her desk, the computer open before her.

KEITH: You beckoned?

VERONICA: Yeah. You'll never believe it.

Keith settles on the chair next to her.

VERONICA: A maid from our hotel in New York found the flashcard with all our vacation pictures on it. Look!

KEITH: Hot dog!

[301/0732.jpg]Veronica pauses for a moment and gives him a confused stare.

VERONICA: Hot dog?

KEITH: [dryly] It's an expression of excitement and enthusiasm. Joe and Frank Hardy and I used to say "Hot dog" all the time while we were waiting for the car hop to bring up our malteds at the drive-in.

VERONICA: Drive-in?

KEITH: I hate you.

VERONICA: [coyly] You love me.

KEITH: [sighing] Yeah, but it's all instinct.

Veronica pounds a few keys on the keyboard.

VERONICA: Okay, you'll notice that the first couple dozen photos feature your daughter doing the one-handed self-portrait...

As Veronica demonstrates the action of taking a picture of herself, Keith's head drops into his arms, in shame.

VERONICA: her negligent father showed up three days late...

Veronica pats him companionably and Keith peers up at the screen.

VERONICA: ...but look, you finally make it. Here we are in front of Spamalot.

Keith chuckles. The camera switches to a view of Veronica's screen, showing a picture of the two of them outside the doors of a building, numbered 405.

VERONICA: [offscreen] Here we are in front of the Empire State Building.

Keith points at the picture.

KEITH: That's the Chrysler Building.

VERONICA: No, it isn't.

KEITH: Veronica, there are a few things in life to which you'll have to defer to my age and experience and that, sweet child of mine, is the Chrysler Building.

VERONICA: Hm, senility. That comes with age too, right?

KEITH: I...can't remember.

Veronica laughs.

KEITH: Oh, by the way, how was your first day? How does it feel being a college student?

Veronica stretches her arms out in front of her.

VERONICA: [languorously] Well, it's exhausting. I had one whole class today.

KEITH: Did you make any friends?

She laughs.

VERONICA: Lord, no.

KEITH: Enemies?


KEITH: Yeah, well, it is a day that ends in a Y.

VERONICA: Hey! You mess with the bull.

Veronica holds up a corna, (a fist with the index and little fingers extended), which also illustrates the horns of a Texas Longhorn. Keith chuckles.


She turns back to the pictures and squees.

VERONICA: Oh, look, here you are stuffing cupcakes in your face at Magnolia Bakery.

Keith stands up.

KEITH: Say, you remember I'm gonna be gone a few days, that bail jumper I've been tracking...

VERONICA: I'll hold down the fort.

KEITH: Yeah...yeah. I'm afraid I put Backup in charge while I'm away.

Backup, spread out over Veronica's bed, stirs himself at the mention of his name and barks.

KEITH: And he's been instructed to maul your boyfriend if he's here past midnight.

VERONICA: Backup's in charge? What about the bitch he's been seeing?

Backup, now sitting up, barks again. Keith doesn't bite.


A small ball drops into a hoop on the wall. It falls and rolls back, via a device, towards Wallace, lounging on a beanbag on the floor. As he picks up the ball, the door opens behind him. Piz enters, struggling with a box and some sports gear. Wallace looks behind him.

PIZ: Hi.

Piz balances the box between the door and his knee, and holds out his hand. Wallace leans back to shake it.


Piz enters the room and heads for the space Wallace hasn't made his own.

WALLACE: You must be my roommate. Stosh?

PIZ: Uh, call me Piz. But you're...Wallace?

Piz puts his stuff down on the empty desk and turns back to Wallace.

[301/0922.jpg]PIZ: Sorry, there must be some mistake. On my roommate request form, I specifically said I didn't want a roommate who was...uh, you know.

Wallace stares at him with a frown. Piz shuffles uncomfortably. Wallace lifts up a hand in confusion.


PIZ: Better looking than me. I made it very clear.

Wallace laughs and levers himself off of the beanbag.

WALLACE: Sorry, man. The fairest of them all right here.

He shrugs and then points to his side of the room.

WALLACE: Took this side. I hope that's cool.

PIZ: Yeah, no sweat. I rarely wear clothes indoors. I hope that's cool.

Wallace chuckles then shakes his head seriously (in a way very reminiscent of Veronica's response to Wanda's pep squad effort in 106 "Return of the Kane").

WALLACE: That's not cool at all.

It's Piz's turn to laugh. Wallace smiles.

WALLACE: You got more stuff?

PIZ: Uh, just a car full of boxes containing all my worldly possessions.

WALLACE: Want some help?

Piz punches the air.

PIZ: Yes!


Piz leads Wallace through an archway.

PIZ: Over here.

They approach a small, dirty, green car.

[301/0954.jpg]PIZ: Yeah, this fine example of American automotive engineering is mine.

Piz opens the boot and both boys stare down into it. It's empty.

PIZ: Oh my god!

Piz hurries to the side of the car and opens the back door.

WALLACE: Where's all your stuff?

He quickly slams it shut again.

PIZ: It's all gone. Everything I own. It was here five minutes ago. Now it's gone.

WALLACE: I know someone. She'll get your stuff back.

Piz is pissed off and sceptical.

WALLACE: Count on it.


Back in their room, Piz disconsolately tosses one of his few remaining possessions onto the desk.

PIZ: This girl, she's, uh, she's our age and she's a [with air quotes] detective. Is she also a cartoon?

As Piz paces, Wallace lounges on the chair at his desk.

WALLACE: Look, she doesn't carry a magnifying glass or anything. Her dad's a PI. He used to be sheriff.

Wallace expels a deep breath.

WALLACE: She's picked up a few things.

PIZ: Look, I appreciate that, man, but I-I think I'll just let the local police handle it.

WALLACE: Yeah, good luck with that.

There's a knock on the door (on the back of which is a poster declaring: Be strong in body, clean in mind, lofty in ideals - Dr. James Naismith, inventor of basketball"). Piz opens the door and is stunned by the sight of Veronica.

VERONICA: Hi, I'm Veronica. Are you Piz?

PIZ: Yes, um, I'm Piz.

Piz doesn't know what to say and fidgets nervously. Veronica smiles and then leans around him.

VERONICA: Wallace? Are you in there somewhere?

WALLACE: Yeah, come in.

Veronica passes Piz to enter the room. Piz regains his senses and closes the door.

VERONICA: And you call yourselves college men.

Behind her, Piz mouths to Wallace "Who is this?"

VERONICA: Where are the posters with beer and half-naked ladies?

WALLACE: Oh, it's behind the case of porn and my shot glass collection. So, looks like Piz is just gonna let the sheriff handle things.

[301/1059.jpg]Piz tries to gesture to Wallace to stop, then takes a deep breath.

PIZ: Actually, uh, I'd love your help.

As Wallace nods knowingly, Veronica turns to face Piz.

VERONICA: As to my fee, five hundred, payable in cash, cashier's cheque or a pre-agreed upon exchange of goods or services.

PIZ: I could give you guitar lessons.

VERONICA: Pass. On the bright side, if I don't get your stuff back, you owe me nothing.

She turns back to Wallace.

VERONICA: That's the friend of a friend rate.

WALLACE: Wait, I haven't even decided if he's cool yet.

VERONICA: Well act now. Time is running out on this special offer.

She glances back at Piz who smiles tightly.


Piz leads Veronica and Wallace out of the building towards his car, talking quickly.

PIZ: So I pulled into the parking lot and there was this...

Piz searches to avoid saying "fat."

PIZ: ...heavy set girl with a clipboard. She had a Hearst sweatshirt and cap on.

Wallace is walking behind Veronica and Piz. A pretty girl passes them which distracts him momentarily.

[301/1155.jpg]PIZ: Anyway, she checked my name off a list, told me which dorm was mine, and said she'd keep an eye on my stuff while I went and found my room.

VERONICA: This girl, did she look like a student?

PIZ: Yeah, I guess. She said she was front of the Hearst Welcome Wagon Committee.

VERONICA: Wallace said that you lost your clothes, your computer, a guitar-

PIZ: [passionately] No, not just a guitar, okay. It was a 1967 Gretsch Astro-jet Red-Top.

Veronica holds up "no offence" hands as Piz throws out his arms.

PIZ: It's like the holy grail of guitars, okay. I spent two summers mowing lawns just to earn enough to buy it.

They reach his car, Veronica and Piz on one side and Wallace on the other.

PIZ: This is, this it is.

VERONICA: They stole your stuff and covered your car in dirt? You're not welcome here.

Veronica inspects the door.

VERONICA: Doesn't look like they jimmied their way in.

PIZ: It wasn't locked.

VERONICA: College campus, all your worldly possessions. Where are you from, Brigadoon?

Wallace chuckles.

PIZ: Portland, or, well, just outside of Portland, this little suburb called Beaverton. Real salt of the earth people, you know, mini-van in every driveway, chicken in every pot.

VERONICA: Where they never ask rhetorical questions?

Veronica heads around the other side of the car. Piz holds out a pleading hand before following.

PIZ: The Welcome Wagon girl said she'd watch my car.

Wallace is staring at the side of the car as Veronica and Piz join him.

WALLACE: This is how you know you've gone from high school to college.

The word "unwashed" is written on the car, with an arrow down from the H and an arrow up from the D.

WALLACE: The graffiti goes highbrow. "Wash me" is so 2005.

Veronica sighs and then turns to Piz.

[301/1255.jpg]VERONICA: Come on, Beaverton. Let's go talk to your RA.


Be-shirted arms (Laura Ashley does shirts?) pour hot water into a mug of tea.

MOE: All your stuff? Frak, that blows.

The RA turns to face Veronica and Piz.

VERONICA: Qu'est-ce que c'est? Frak?

MOE: No Battlestar Galactica fans in the mix, I see. "Frak" is the profanity of the future. I'm trying not to swear.

VERONICA: That's very enlightened of you, Moe. So what the frak is with this Hearst Welcome Wagon Committee?

Moe takes a seat.

MOE: Well, first off, there's no such thing, so there's that.

Veronica turns to Piz who gives a wry grin.

MOE: It doesn't exist.

Moe holds out his mug.

MOE: Oolong, anyone?

[301/1311.jpg]EXT - PRISON - DAY.

An inmate and a guard walk towards a small turnstile gate.

CORMAC: You gonna miss me, Howard?

HOWARD: Not for long. We'll keep the lights on.

Cormac Fitzpatrick, carrying a brown paper bag, pushes the gate and exits the prison grounds, leaving the guard behind. A car pulls up where Cormac has stopped on the street. He leans in.

CORMAC: You my ride?

The driver is Keith.

KEITH: Get in, we need to move.

Cormac climbs into the car. Keith pulls away.


Veronica, walking across campus, pauses at the sound of clapping. She hears the speaker and veers to watch the Take Back the Night rally. The speaker's voice becomes more audible as she approaches.

NANCY: to ask one question to the students of this university, the faculty of this university and to the dean of this university.

Nancy is a black girl with very short hair. She is holding a megaphone, addressing a small gathering who are standing in front of a set of steps, the top of which serves as a stage under the Take Back the Night banner.

NANCY: How many women like me have to be raped, have to end up like this, their heads shaved before this administration listens to our demands?

Veronica heads her way through towards the front of the crowd, the female members of which are making various supportive noises.

NANCY: Two wasn't enough? Three wasn't enough.

Nancy is flanked by one girl on her right and two on her left.

NANCY: They say they are taking steps. Awesome. The dorm wings are same sex. Is that enough?

The "no" that erupts from the crowd is largely female.

NANCY: We demand more.

As the crowd claps and cheers, Veronica spots Mac and moves towards her.

NANCY: Mandatory sensitivity training, an official university sexual conduct code, more security personnel, more outdoor lights - twice as bright, and most of all, Dean O'Dell, shut down the fraternity houses.

Nancy holds up a fist and the girls in the crowd cheer. Behind them, a group of boys in fraternity t-shirts boo loudly and gesture with thumbs down. Veronica reaches Mac, who is watching Nancy.

[301/1441.jpg]VERONICA: [softly] Women. Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch.

Mac grins without turning around.

MAC: Why can't they just look pretty and get their MRS degrees?


Veronica moves around to stand next to Mac.

VERONICA: How's tricks, kid?

MAC: Shrink asked if a lifetime without a libido was such a bad thing. I think she's given up on me.

VERONICA: You just need more time.

MAC: Irony of all ironies? Frozen from the waist down's new roommate? She's a one woman red light district.


MAC: Every night since orientation she's been with some new dude. The phone rings every ten minutes. If college is a boy buffet, she's got two full plates and a purse full of boys wrapped in napkins.

VERONICA: Yet the void won't fill.

As they turn their attention back to the rally, the sound of loud music starts up. Music: "Rump Shaker" by Wreckx-N-Effect.

LYRICS: All I wanna do is zoom-zoom-zoom-zoom and a boom-boom
Just shake your rump
All I wanna do is zoom-zoom-zoom-zoom and a boom-boom
Just shake your rump
All I wanna do is zoom-zoom-zoom-zoom and a boom-boom
Just shake your rump
Check, baby, check, baby, 1-2-3-4
Check, baby, check, baby, 1-2-3
Check, baby, check, baby, 1-2
Check, baby, check, baby, 1
All I wanna do is zoom-zoom-zoom-zoom and a boom-boom
Just shake your rump

[301/1524.jpg]The fraternity boys start cheering. One of them holds up a portable stereo. The attention of the girls on the steps and the crowd is turned to the fraternity and no one initially notices a boy wearing nothing but Union Jack underwear and a balaclava, and carrying a blow-up doll, do a cartwheel behind the girls on the steps. As the crowd notices and starts to react, Nancy looks behind her and see him, dancing suggestively with the doll, which is dressed in a French maid's uniform. Fern, one of Nancy's supporters on the step, swings her head round too. The dancer writhes, encouraged by the frat boys. The crowd, generally depending on gender, either express approval or disapproval.

MAC: It's like we never left Neptune High.

Pissed off, Fern strides forward and grabs the blow-up doll. The other two supported rush at the boy and knock him to the ground. They hold him down. Fern arrives and places herself between his outspread legs.

FERN: You won't be needing this.

Fern draws back her leg, then knees him, hard, in the balls. The boy grunts in pain. One of the other girls lifts the balaclava and pulls it off of his face. It's Dick Casablancas.

[301/1558.jpg]DICK: Oh, god. Oh.

VERONICA: It's exactly like we never left Neptune High.

Dick groans in pain. End music: "Rump Shaker" by Wreckx-N-Effect.


The lights of Keith's car is the only thing to be seen for miles. Inside the car, Keith drives and Cormac looks at what scenery can be gleaned in the dark.

CORMAC: What you did for my Kendall, you saved her life. That's a tough lady to make disappear. Tends to stand out.

KEITH: All I did was get her out of town.

CORMAC: Ah, it was more than that. New passport, house, ATM card. All with my little brother hot on her heels.

KEITH: We're not safe yet. Liam's still looking for her and he'll be looking for you too, Cormac.

CORMAC: Naw, he doesn’t know I'm out yet. All that good behaviour.

KEITH: Well, that's what we've got going for us. As I understand it, your brother believes he's entitled to a cut of Kendall's good fortune.

CORMAC: Yeah, Kendall agreed. The quarrel was over the size of that cut. My little brother got greedy. That's always been a problem for that kid. Ah, that's why I'm gonna spend the rest of my days lying on some beach with the woman I love and Liam will end up shived in some state penitentiary


On Logan's bed, Veronica and Logan come up for air after strenuous, sweat-inducing sex. They lie back in the bed, side by side.

[301/1655.jpg]VERONICA: Woof!

Logan laughs.

VERONICA: You should seriously consider going pro in that.

LOGAN: What, and miss the college experience?

Logan looks over at her and Veronica chuckles. She leans up on one elbow.

VERONICA: Don't go anywhere. You're gonna get your brains spooned out whether you like it or not but first...

Veronica slides out of bed.

VERONICA:...Must. Have. Water.

Logan watches her go with a satisfied smile. In the bathroom, having donned a t-shirt, Veronica twists off the cap of a water bottle and pours from it. She looks at herself in the mirror as she sips.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: Okay, Veronica. Aren't you the girl who laughed at those idiots who tried to take their high school romances with them to college?

Her head spins round at the sound of the room's telephone. In the bedroom, Logan responds by checking the clock - it's 12:15 am - turns on the lamp by the bed, and picks up the receiver just as Veronica races into the room.

VERONICA: Logan! No!


She's too late and Logan's face falls as he listens. He pulls the phone to his chest to whisper to Veronica.

LOGAN: It's your dad.

VERONICA: I forwarded our calls.

LOGAN: We need to word on communication.

He hands her the phone.

LOGAN: Yeah.

Veronica sits on the bed and takes the phone.


Logan snakes his body around the back of Veronica.

VERONICA: Nope. He's heading home right now as a matter of fact.

He leans into her. Veronica jerks her elbow back to dissuade him.


Keith is still driving as he talks to Veronica on his cell.

KEITH: All right, honey. Give Logan my regards as you're shaking his hand good night and I'll be sure to call unexpectedly again.

[301/1755.jpg]Cormac is enjoying the conversation and grins.

KEITH: Love you too.

Keith closes up the phone.

CORMAC: Well they do grow up quickly. When you got Kendall out of town, she was carrying, what, millions, right?

KEITH: I saw it. Didn't count it.

CORMAC: Kendall's always been a good judge of character. I mean she knows who she can trust and who she can't. A lesser man might have taken advantage.

KEITH: I was well compensated.

CORMAC: What'd you spend your fee on?

KEITH: Bought back my daughter's love.


Veronica and Piz exit Veronica's new car, a silver Saturn. Piz points back to it as they head towards the entrance to the building.

[301/1830.jpg]PIZ: It's a cool ride. Graduation gift?

VERONICA: My dad stood me up for my graduation trip. Lucky for me, he felt really bad about it.

PIZ: Stood you up? That's harsh.

VERONICA: He had his reasons.

PIZ: Well, a Saturn for a Mars.

VERONICA: In Neptune. Yeah, the planets really aligned for this one. Now...

She points towards the building with her thumbs.

VERONICA: ...move your anus. The mercury's rising.


Sacks walks into the hallway followed by Veronica and Piz.

SACKS: Don't feel too bad. Same outfit got four other victims. At least, that's how many we've heard about. All of 'em, in the span of ninety minutes.

They reached the main counter. Sacks walks around it as Veronica and Piz stop in front of it.

PIZ: Yeah, I guess that's comforting. Somehow.

VERONICA: Well, they must have had a truck or a van. You mind giving me a list of the other victims?

Sacks takes a long, long look over his shoulder at Lamb's closed door.

[301/1910.jpg]SACKS: [reluctantly] I don't know, Veronica.

VERONICA: I track down the bad guys. Call you, you make the busts. You know what that makes everyone, Sacks? A winner.


Veronica walks along with a boy wheeling a bicycle.

VERONICA: The woman said she was part of the Hearst Welcome Wagon?


VERONICA: Blonde? Chubby?

FRESHMAN BOY: Sounds like the one.

He walks off and Veronica stares after him.


Rose exits the bath/shower room in her dressing down, her wet hair flat against her head. Veronica is following.

ROSE: I'd been keeping a journal, kind of like a podcast spoken word thing on my iPod. And now some stranger, some thief has it. What if they're listening to it?

[301/1944.jpg]They reach the open door of Rose's dorm room. She pauses at the door.

VERONICA: All the others who got ripped off were freshman. You're a junior?

ROSE: Yeah. [offended] What? Are you saying I'm dumb?

VERONICA: [quickly] No. It's didn't know there was no such thing as the Hearst Welcome Wagon?

ROSE: I just remembered something. I don't know who you are or why I'm talking to you.

Rose slams the door in Veronica's face.


Veronica strides across the busy campus, passing a notice board. She stops just past it and then returns to look more closely at something that caught the corner of her eye. It is a flyer for Winston's, advertising a couple of punk bands at an "All Ages Show." The support act is the Perturbed. The main act is the Unwashed. The H and the D of the name has the same arrows as were written on Piz's car.


Veronica proceeds down the hallway of one of the dorms. She stops at one of the doors. There's a whiteboard with a pink border on the door on one side. It is covered with flowers, lips and bouncy messages, such as "Parker is hot," "Parker hearts you" and "What the frak." On the other side of the door is a small strip of tape on which is written, "Mac." Veronica laughs and then knocks on the door. Loud music can be heard within. Music: "Buttons" by the Pussycat Dolls.

LYRICS: I'm telling you to loosen up my buttons babe (uh huh)
But you keep frontin' (uh)
Sayin' what you gon' do to me (uh huh)
But I ain't seen nothin' (ah)
I'm telling you to loosen up my buttons babe (uh huh)
But you keep frontin' (uh)
Sayin' what you gon' do to me (uh huh)
But I ain't seen nothin' (ah)
Typical and hardly
The type I fall for
I like it when the physical
Don't leave me askin' for more
I'm a sexy mama (mama)
Who knows just how to get what I wanna (wanna)
What I wanna do is bring this on ya (on ya)
Backup all the things that I told ya (told ya, told ya, told ya)
You've been sayin'
All the right things all night long
But I can't seem to get you over here
To help take this off
Baby can't you see (see)
How these clothes are fittin' on me (me)
And the heat comin' from this beat (beat)
I'm about to blow, I don't think you know
I'm telling you to loosen up my buttons babe (uh huh)
But you keep frontin' (uh)
Sayin' what you gon' do to me (uh huh)
But I ain't seen nothin' (ah)
I'm telling you to loosen up my buttons babe (uh huh)
But you keep frontin' (uh)
Sayin' what you gon' do to me (uh huh)
But I ain't seen nothin' (ah)

The door swings open to reveal Parker, a beaming, bubbly blonde.


VERONICA: Mac around?

PARKER: Oh my god! Are you one of Mac's friends? Well come on in, sister!

Veronica steps into the room.

PARKER: Mac's friends are my friends. I'm Parker.

Parker holds out her hand to shake. Veronica takes it.

VERONICA: Veronica.

PARKER: So. I just love Mac. Like love her, like I wish she was a little Bichon Frise I could carry in my purse. I mean, how great is she?

VERONICA: She's...pretty great.

Parker turns away and walks towards a shirt lying on her bed. Much to Veronica's consternation, and without pausing the gushing of words, Parker pulls her top over her head, leaving her in only a mini-skirt. She drops the top and puts on the shirt. Veronica isn't sure where to look.

PARKER: I was a little weirdly disappointed because I had this idea that I'd get like this gangster street chick or some death metal girl and we'd be like all odd couple, but with me and Mac, it was just...

[301/2108.jpg]Parker turns to face Veronica as she buttons the shirt.

PARKER: ...whoosh! Instant sisterhood. Total mesh, total blend. You know, you should come watch Top Model with us tonight.

VERONICA: [barely hiding her scepticism]Mac's watching Top Model with you, huh?

PARKER: Mm-hm.

Parker goes to hang up her top on a hook over one of the wardrobes. Next to it is a large poster of Colin Farrell.

VERONICA: Oooh. Your's or Mac's?

PARKER: Colin? Oh, he's all mine. He should really love me, don't you think?

VERONICA: Depends. Have you had your shots?


Parker stares at the poster.

PARKER: Look at his eyes. He's just so...soulful and troubled and deep. You just know he'd kick ass in the back seat.

Parker giggles. The door opens behind Veronica and Mac enters the room.

PARKER: [cheerfully] Hey, roomie!

MAC: [unenthusiastically] Hey.

Veronica turns to Mac.

VERONICA: Wanna go see a band play?

MAC: [sincerely] More than anything in the world.

PARKER: Oh my god! I'm so totally in! Just give me a sec to change.

Parker turns and starts to take off the shirt as Veronica and Mac look helplessly at each other. End music: "Buttons" by the Pussycat Dolls.


Veronica, Mac and Parker approach the front of the venue. The names of the band are on the large sign above the door. They pause for a moment.

MAC: Hey. I know that guy.

Waiting outside, next to the queue of people going into the club, are Wallace and Piz, who has his back to them, looking around.

VERONICA: Our muscle. Short notice.

PARKER: Your boyfriends?

MAC: [shortly] No.

Veronica leads the girls to the muscle.

WALLACE: What's up, V? Hey, Mac.

VERONICA: Wallace, Piz, this is Parker. Parker, Wallace and Piz.

Piz and Wallace shake hands with Parker who is smiling brightly.

[301/2202.jpg]PIZ: How do you do?

WALLACE: Nice to meet you.

VERONICA: And this is Mac. Mac, Piz.

Mac and Piz shake hands.

MAC: Nice to meet you.

VERONICA: So, gang, [with false excitement] are we ready to rock?

Veronica does cornas with both hands.

MAC: No.

WALLACE: Not particularly.

Veronica punches the air.

VERONICA: That's the spirit!

Veronica marches towards the entrance. Parker, the only one genuinely excited, throws her hands up in the air and follows.

PARKER: Whoo-hoo!


The Unwashed, played by real band Four Fifty One, are on stage in the middle of the last song of their set. Music: "Socks and Shoes" by Four Fifty One.

LYRICS: It's a bitter one.
Don't talk to me, don't tell me
How I got to try and feel right now.
It's too bad that you're over me now.
And now (and now)
Felt good when
I was feeling high and you dragged me down.
It's too bad that you're over me now.
And now (and now)
Felt good when
I was feeling high. What can I say.
And we go...
Surely, I know and I say
You're bitter too.

Whilst a lot of people are dancing, Mac, Veronica, Piz and Wallace are watching the band from a table. Mac is enjoying the band, Veronica is indifferent, Piz is watching Veronica, and Wallace is finding the music positively painful. In the crowd, Parker is dancing.

PIZ: She seems nice.

Mac and Veronica both stare at him, half disapproving and half surprised. End music: "Socks and Shoes" by Four Fifty One. The song comes to an end and the crowd cheers. Parker jumps up and down. Mac claps with some enthusiasm.

SINGER: We're the Unwashed. That's it for now, but, uh, Billy's got CDs by the door.

Veronica drums the table.

VERONICA: That's my cue.

She spins off of her seat and races off.

PIZ: Where's she going?

WALLACE: [without opening his mouth] I don't know.

VERONICA: [offscreen] All right, give it up for the Unwashed.

Veronica is onstage. The crowd cheer and clap. Parker whistles.

VERONICA: I've got a little public service announcement. My friend had everything stolen out of his car over at Hearst in the parking lot of Venice Hall.

The crowd cheer loudly.

VERONICA: All right. All right. We think someone here tonight might have seen something. My friend is offering a hundred dollar reward for information that'll help him get his stuff back. We're back at that table, if you know something.

Veronica leaves the stage. In the crowd, Parker is being chatted up by the lead singer of the Unwashed. She laughs at something he has just said to her.


Mac and Veronica are watching from their table.

MAC: Look at her. She's like boynip.

Three younger boys approach the table.

[301/2341.jpg]RAT BOY: We saw you get ripped off.

VERONICA: You're twelve. What were you doing up at Hearst?

FERRET BOY: Checking out the college girls laying out. Some of them go topless.

WALLACE: Whoa! Whoa, whoa. Hold up right there, son. Tell us exactly where this sunbathing goes on.

FERRET BOY: South quad. Where that statue is.

VERONICA: What are you saying you saw?

PIZ: Is it the Randolph Hearst statue or the amorphous blobby thing?

Veronica brings Piz back to earth.

VERONICA: Breasts or the Holy Grail guitar?

RAT BOY: We'd just come back from the parking lot. We saw these two dudes in a moving van pull up by this car. They just starting throwing stuff from the car into the van in a major hurry.

VERONICA: Anything you remember about the two dudes or the van?

RAT BOY: They were black dudes.

WALLACE: 'Course they were.

FERRET BOY: And the van didn't have any windows. It was white, I think.

VERONICA: Is that all?

RAT BOY: That's a lot. Where's our reward?

VERONICA: You didn't see squat. Motor, munchkins.

[301/2428.jpg]Veronica shoos them away. The boys turn to go.

FERRET BOY: I told ya, man. Bogus.

The leader of them turns back to the table.

RAT BOY: There was a chick there, a white chick.

VERONICA: 'Course there was.

RAT BOY: She hopped up in the cab with them.

PIZ: A blonde? Chubby.

The kid points at Piz.

RAT BOY: Naw. That was the weird part. I thought she was a heifer at first. When she hopped in, she pulled off her sweatshirt...she had a slammin' bod. Girl was packed tight, like she was wearing a fat suit.

Veronica stares at them in surprise.


Mac is in bed. There's a banging at the door. Dick's voice drifts in.

[301/2503.jpg]DICK: [offscreen] C'mon, Parker. Why you wanna be like that, girl?

Mac gets out of bed and walks slowly to the door.

DICK: [offscreen] It's the right time of the night. It's the right time of the night for making...

Mac opens the door


Dick, who's drunk, and Mac, who's horrified, stare hard at each other.

MAC: Parker's out somewhere with the Unwashed. I'll tell her that Needs Hosed Down dropped by.

Dick gives her a sneer. Mac starts to close the door but pauses on Dick's response.

DICK: My little brother never cared about you, you know? You were just his beard.

Mac stares at him, but is saved any need to retort by the appearance of her dorm's resident advisor, who comes out into the hall from another room.

ANGRY R.A.: Hey, you! What's your name? You're not supposed to be here.

Dick plays the fool.

DICK: Isn't this the boys' floor? Oh, gosh, I am so lost. I'm just a dumb freshman who wandered onto the wrong floor. Wow! Campus is so confusing. Thanks for understanding. I'm just gonna show myself out.

Dick starts to walk away. Mac looks out to watch, still crushed by his words.

ANGRY R.A.: Lemme see your school ID.

DICK: We're supposed to have IDs? See, I don't know anything. College had got me plumb flustered.

He turns away again, exiting post haste.

DICK: Goodnight, ladies.

Mac stands at her door, staring after him, looking like she wants to be sick.


[301/2529.jpg]Piz is sitting on the same bench that Logan was a few days before. He looks at his watch and over his shoulder. He fidgets and plays with his hair, anxious. He doesn't spot Veronica appear behind him, carrying a large paper bag.


She takes a seat next to him, setting the bag on the bench between them.

VERONICA: These are for you.

Piz takes the bag and peers into it.

VERONICA: Clothes, a friend of mine's, he can't use them anymore. You look about the same size.

PIZ: Thanks.

VERONICA: Hm-mm. Oh, and I think I found your guitar. It popped up on Craigslist late last night and the seller's just off campus.


Veronica and Piz exit the Saturn, parked in the driveway of a house, numbered 1752. They go to the door and knock. A man answers.

DONALD: You here about the guitar?

VERONICA: That's us.

He invites them in.

DONALD: [offscreen] I wasn't really looking for a guitar...


The man carries a guitar case into the main room.

DONALD:...but I went to the flea market yesterday and I found this. Girl was selling it for five hundred dollars. She had no idea what she had. You won't find one of these for under five grand. But, I'd be willing to let it go for four.

He lays the case on a couch. Veronica and Piz are sitting on another couch. Piz leans forward, barely able to contain his anticipation. He and Veronica both rise as the man opens the case.

[301/2653.jpg]PIZ: That's it! That's my stolen guitar


PIZ: Go ahead, look in the pick tray. There'll be two millimetre picks from Guitar Town in Portland.

The man lifts the guitar and holds it up while he looks in a compartment in the bottom of the case. As Piz claimed, there are two picks from Guitar Town.

DONALD: Okay, yeah, so?

VERONICA: This girl who sold you the guitar, can you describe her?

DONALD: Blonde, thin, pretty smokin' bod.

Piz does a "there you go" slap on Veronica's arm and grins.


Veronica walks down the hallway of a dorm.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: Donald Fagan, the current possessor of Piz's guitar offered to sell it back to Piz for the five hundred dollars he paid for it. A better plan, I think, is to make the thief pay for it.

Veronica stops outside Rose's door. She gets her camera out of her bag and knocks. Rose opens the door. Before she even has a chance to register who her visitor is, Veronica puts the camera to her eye.


Veronica takes a picture.


Veronica races away. Rose is not happy.

ROSE: Hey! Wait a minute!

Veronica is gone.


On the door to Wallace and Piz's room, attached to the whiteboard is the handwritten message: "Gone Bird Watching." Veronica shakes her head with a knowing smile.


There are many girls sunbathing in bikinis, laying on the grass. One of them has packed up her stuff and leaves her friends.

GIRL: See ya, guys.


She walks past Wallace and Piz, who are standing at the edge of the grassy area, purportedly playing Hacky Sack. Wallace half-heartedly tosses the sack to Piz with his foot, but Piz is too busy watching the girl go by, as is Wallace. Veronica arrives and stands in front of them as they both stare at the back of the departing girl.

VERONICA: You guys are pathetic.

WALLACE: It's a white man's sport.

VERONICA: Right, because I was talking about the Hacky Sack.

Veronica takes her camera out of her bag and walks to Piz.

VERONICA: Piz, is this the Welcome Wagon girl?

She shows him the picture of Rose, which he glances at, still distracted by the sights.

PIZ: Hard to say, m-maybe.

VERONICA: Add a few extra pounds.

He looks again, trying to concentrate.

PIZ: Yeah, I'm trying to. I don't think it's her.

Discouraged, Veronica turns and gazes out over the quad.

VERONICA: It's not often you get to see bikini babes in their natural habitat. Such gentle, yet elusive creatures.

She looks back at Piz and Wallace who are immune to her sarcasm and pretty much to her very presence as they remain enrapt with the girls on the grass.

VERONICA: Okay. You two have fun being gross, I'll just continue trying to find your stuff, on my own, with no help.

She walks away. Belatedly, Piz responds, shouting after her.

PIZ: That's why you make the big money.

Wallace waves her goodbye, then has another attempt as passing the sack to Piz. It lands disregarded at his feet.

[301/2849.jpg]EXT - ROAD - DAY.

Keith is standing by the front of the car. Cormac is behind him, leaning against the side of the car. The bonnet is open and steam is rising from the engine. Keith is trying to read a map and use his cell at the same time. The phone gives off a couple of beeps.

KEITH: No signal.

CORMAC: And not one car for ten minutes.

Keith joins Cormac and shows him the map.

KEITH: Highway turns back in a few miles. Looks like if we just walk due east, we'd see the town of Granger in three or four miles.

CORMAC: Nah, I don't think we want to do that. Have you spent much time in the desert, Keith?

KEITH: Naw, can't say that I have.

CORMAC: First time I got busted, judge gave me the option: two years in the army or two years in Huntsville. Well, I chose the army. We did our training in west Texas before they sent me to Iraq for Desert Storm. Between here and Granger, you got...rattlesnakes, coyote traps, scorpions, hippies doing mushrooms, all kinds of bad stuff. Yeah, let's, let's wait it out. You know, someone will help us. I've bided my time for five years, what's a few more hours.

Keith chuckles.


Veronica is holding up the camera with the picture of Rose on display.

VERONICA: Is it her?

DONALD: I'm ninety percent that's her. Eh, whoa, you know what, make it eighty, eighty percent sure.

Veronica sighs, then notices something behind Donald. She points to a book: Profiling by Hank Landry, Ph.D., 2nd Edition.

VERONICA: Hey, are you in Landry's profiling class?

Donald glances back at the book.

DONALD: Oh, last year. Yeah, man's tough.

VERONICA: I have him for Intro to Criminology. Did you do the mentoring thing, 'cause I'm thinking about it?

DONALD: Best thing that I did as an undergrad, working with those kids. You can read all about street crime in a text book, but mentoring takes everything out of the theoretical, really grounds it. You should sign up.

Veronica feigns excitement on seeing a photo behind Donald.

[301/3011.jpg]VERONICA: Oh my god. You can settle a debate for me.

She walks around him and grabs the photo. It shows his with a large blonde girl, posing against a cityscape. She holds it out.

VERONICA: Is this on the Empire State Building or the Chrysler Building?

DONALD: That, that's actually the Space Needle in Seattle.

VERONICA: I have to remember not to debate my dad when it comes to architecture.

Veronica effects a dry throat.

VERONICA: Can I have a glass of water?


Donald leaves to accommodate her. Veronica stares down at the picture.


Dr. Landry is just finishing up.

DR. LANDRY: So, by the time you finish your reading this weekend, you should be able to discuss crime and social control in relation to biological and sociological positivism. See you Tuesday.

The students start to collect their belongings and leave. Veronica makes her way to the front of the room where Timothy is lingering.

VERONICA: Excuse me. Um, I was interested in the mentoring programme. You're the guy to talk to, right?


Timothy takes some files from a filing cabinet and passes them to Veronica as he clears his throat. He hasn't warmed to his record-breaking successor.

TIMOTHY: You can take your pick. All of them have juvenile records.

[301/3058.jpg]He takes the seat at his desk, leaning back to look up at her.

TIMOTHY: Most of the girls, it's shoplifting, fighting, chronic truancy.

VERONICA: Wait. Just because I'm a girl, that means I have to mentor a girl?


VERONICA: That's just in case they get their period or something, right?

Mac appears at the open door behind Veronica. She taps on the doorframe.

MAC: You Tim?

TIMOTHY: Who are you?

MAC: Dr. Landry needs you back in the lecture hall.

VERONICA: I'll wait.

Timothy leaves the office. Mac and Veronica share a conspiratorial smile before Mac leaves. Veronica goes to the files. She finds the file for Donald Fagan from the photo of his attached to the front. Behind it are the youths he is mentoring. It is the same three youths who approached Veronica at Winston's, claiming to have witnessed the theft from Piz's car. Veronica smiles.


Keith is lying on the back seat of his car, asleep. A flashing light reflects on his face and there's a knock on the top of the car. Keith wakes up to see Cormac leaning into the car.

CORMAC: Tow truck's here.

Keith rises and sees the tow truck starting its work of connecting to the car.


Veronica and Logan are sitting at a small table for two in the middle of the food court. Logan is eating while Veronica drinks from a bottle.

[301/3146.jpg]VERONICA: Wallace says you're in his sociology class.

LOGAN: Really? I haven't seen him.

VERONICA: Maybe because you haven't showed up for class.

LOGAN: Well, that's certainly one possibility.

Logan leans down and reaches into his bag. He pulls out and slaps down in front of Veronica a gift made up almost entirely of a large red bow.

LOGAN: Here. A bonus birthday gift.

VERONICA: You got me a bow? A bow? How did you guess?

Veronica grabs the bow and starts to try to find the actual gift.

LOGAN: Open it, smarty pants.

The bow is attached to a key card from the Neptune Grand. She holds it up.

VERONICA: Your room key?

LOGAN: Um-hm.

VERONICA: What if I drop in unexpectedly? The other girls will have to-

She smacks her lips and gestures with her thumb, to indicate "Scram."

LOGAN: [sincerely] Stop it. You know there's no one else. I only want you.

He covers her hand with his own. He bends over and kisses her hand.

LOGAN: You ought to know that by now.

Veronica smiles and drops her head. She is genuinely touched and at a loss for words.

LOGAN: What and no quip?

Veronica looks up at him but notices something over his shoulder. She points.


Logan looks around. It's Dick, heading straight for a girl sitting alone at one of the tables.

VERONICA: [offscreen] It's your BFF, the town drunk.

Dick takes the chair, spins it around, and takes a seat, legs akimbo. He rests his elbow on the back of the chair and his head on his hand as he leans forward.

[301/3234.jpg]DICK: Hi, my name's Dick. What's yours?

DEE DEE: Dee Dee.

DICK: How long have we known each other, Dee Dee?

DEE DEE: Eight...seconds.

DICK: So, where's this going, Dee Dee? I mean is this thing we feel real or are we just in it for the torso butter?

Dick takes some food from the table and chews. Veronica and Logan watch, Logan with increasing concern.

DICK: Truth is, I've been kicked out of on-campus housing, and I know timing's a little sooner than we hoped for but what do you say we move in together? Make our own love nest.

Dick sticks out his tongue lasciviously.

DEE DEE: You should really walk away.

DICK: You'd like that, wouldn't you? I'll admit it. The kid looks good walking away. It's all me too. Ass like Marky Mark and the entire Funky Bunch.

Before Dick can make more of a fool of himself, a large boy grabs him violently from behind and throws him forcibly from the chair to the ground. Logan turns to Veronica.

LOGAN: Your bag.

Veronica swings it over quickly and Logan grabs it. On the floor, Dick starts to get up but the big guy punches him hard, sending him back down. The same thing happens again. The big guy grabs Dick and lifts him to a standing position. Dick just looks at him and makes no effort to defend himself as the guy pulls back his arm for another punch. Before he can throw it, there is the sound of electricity and the guy falls, revealing Logan behind him with the taser. Dick looks down at the guy and then up at Logan.

DICK: [resentfully] What? Do you want a hug or something?

Dick storms off. Logan looks sad. On the other side of the food court, Veronica watches. Piz arrives behind her, wearing one of Duncan's Argyll shirts (the one Logan borrowed in 206 "Rat Saw God").

PIZ: Does that sort of thing work with college girls?

Veronica turns to face him.

PIZ: 'Cause I'll tell ya up front. I'm a lover, I'm not a fighter.

Veronica gives Piz a bemused look. Logan steps up behind and she turns back to him.

[301/3346.jpg]LOGAN: I'm gonna try to talk to him.

As he bends down to kiss Veronica, he clocks Piz with raised eyebrows. He and Veronica kiss. As he straightens up, he looks at Piz.

LOGAN: Nice shirt.

Logan walks away and Veronica turns to face Piz again.

PIZ: You wanted me to meet you here?

VERONICA: Yeah, uh...

As Veronica bends down to her bag, Piz's feelings at discovering that Veronica has a boyfriend are clearly marked on his face. He's pissed. Veronica straightens and holds up the picture she took from Donald Fagan.

VERONICA: Is this the Welcome Wagon girl?

PIZ: Yeah, that's her.


The camera lingers on the picture Fagan and the girl.

VERONICA: [offscreen] The girl in the photo is the Welcome Wagon girl.

The camera pulls back to reveal Veronica and Piz at the Sheriff's Department. Veronica has changed, but Piz is still in the Argyll.

[301/3412.jpg]VERONICA: The guy is the ringleader.

Sacks, sitting at his desk, is holding the picture.

SACKS: And you're sure that's her.

PIZ: That's her.

Veronica pulls the files she took from Timothy's office of the youths.

VERONICA: His name is Donald Fagan and these three charming lads are the kids he mentors.

Sacks flips through them.

VERONICA: [offscreen] Thieves. All of them.


In a hard top area behind Fagan's house, where his garage is, Veronica and Piz have set themselves up in deckchairs, with a good view of the back of the house and the garage.

PIZ: Okay, so why would those kids at the club talk to us if they knew they'd stolen my stuff.

VERONICA: Um, so they could steer us in the wrong direction? Then they just repeated the story to their mentor so the stories would match.

PIZ: So you do realise there's not a lot of college freshman girls who do this sort of thing. You know. [whispers] Solve crimes.

VERONICA: [faux surprise] There aren't?

PIZ: So why do you do it?

Veronica shakes her head and lets out a deep breath, but remains flip.

VERONICA: Cold, hard cash.

PIZ: Seriously.

Veronica starts to get uncomfortable.


PIZ: Wallace told me about your friend, who was murdered.

This news is unwelcome.

VERONICA: Because I'm good at it, maybe, I don't know.

She shrugs.

VERONICA: Wallace should stick to analysing himself.

Veronica takes a long swig from a bottle of water and is spared further interrogation when Sacks exits from the small gate next to Fagan's garage door, followed by a blustering Fagan and another deputy.

DONALD: This is not right, this is absolutely not right. You cannot just walk into my house...

Veronica leans over to Piz.

VERONICA: You wanna know why I do it? Here it comes.

She pats his leg.

VERONICA: This is the good part.

Fagan is still babbling.

[301/3532.jpg]DONALD: ...come into my house, an-an-and take my things from me and then-

He spots Veronica and Piz. Veronica gives his a "cheers" gesture with the bottle. Piz waves. Both are smiling. Fagan drops his objections as the garage door slides up.

PIZ: I might actually get my stuff back.

VERONICA: I might actually get paid.

As the door opens, stacks of goods are revealed. Veronica offers her bottle to Piz to clink, which he dutifully does.

VERONICA: Boom goes the dynamite.

Piz laughs and then gives her a quick glance.

PIZ: So is that guy from last night your boyfriend?

Veronica hesitates. She thinks for a moment, then looks over at Piz with some surprise.


It's pitch black as Keith and Cormac pull up at the small, isolated, shack-like cabin. They pause a moment and study the house. Kendall can be seen through the window.

[301/3607.jpg]CORMAC: There she is.

Kendall, on seeing them, races from the window.

CORMAC: Ever have a woman who loved you so much, she'd do time for you?

Kendall wrenches open the door and runs towards the car. Cormac climbs out and meets her halfway. She flies into his arms, her legs around his waist.


They spin round and around under Keith's doleful gaze.


Veronica rounds the corner to find Mac sitting against the wall next to the door to her room.

[301/3618.jpg]VERONICA: I figured out the knocking thing. You could have waited in your room.

MAC: [miserably] Parker's in there with some guy.

VERONICA: Well, let's head out. The midnight movie waits for no man.

MAC: Our tickets are in there, stuck in the mirror... [sarcastically peppy] above her suggestion box and tip jar.

VERONICA: Well, frak. Give me your keys.

Mac, who hasn't moved from her spot on the floor, hands her keys up to Veronica. Veronica quietly opens the door and enters the room. The radio is playing the end of an unidentified song. Veronica looks over towards Parker's bed and hears a sexual grunt.

CLUB FLUSH: You're listening to Club Flush on KRFF, Hearst College Radio.

She creeps to the mirror and gets the tickets.

VERONICA: Don't mind me.

She secures the tickets and hurries out.


Keith, in a short-sleeved shirt, is sitting in an armchair, finishing off a plateful of cake.

[301/3703.jpg]KEITH: That's excellent cake, Kendall.

Cormac is sitting on the couch. Kendall is sitting in his lap, feeding him cake.

KENDALL: Well, I'll tell Sara Lee you approve. We decided where we're going to run off to, Keith.

KEITH: I don't want to know.

KENDALL: It's got sand and water.

KEITH: Stop. But that reminds me. I've got Cormac's travel documents in the car. I'll just grab them and get outta here. Give you kids some private time.

Keith rises, dons his cap and heads for the door.

CORMAC: Hurry, Keith. We might not be able to contain ourselves.


Keith exits the cabin and walks towards the car. He checks his pockets as he goes, then pauses when he doesn't find he keys. He turns to walk back to the cabin and then thinks better of it. He trots to the car, rubbing his arms with the cold. The car is unlocked. He opens the door and reaches for the briefcase, warming his hands with his breath first. He reaches into the case and pulls out a small pouch. He notices something else in the case and reaches in for it. It's a pen, marked: Vincent Van Lowe Investigations.

KEITH: Ah no, Vinnie, please tell me you're not working for Liam.

Keith quickly unscrews the pen. It has a transmitter inside. Keith looks up and around, deeply worried. He opens his glove compartment to get his gun. It's not in its holster. Keith pulls out the holster, mind working quickly. He wrenches himself out of the cars and runs towards the cabin. He crashes through the door, shouting.

[301/3810.jpg]KEITH: Kendall!


Keith freezes as he hears a shot. Cormac is pointing a gun into another room in the cabin. He fires another shot and Keith flinches. Cormac turns to face Keith. Cormac brings up the gun and points it at Keith. Keith takes off outside, perhaps winged by the bullet.


Keith stumbles as he exits the cabin. He picks himself up and runs, only to trip on a rock. He pulls himself up and crawls around a large rock. Cormac comes to the door of the cabin.

CORMAC: [sarcastically peppy] Awfully cold night, Keith.

Cormac walks out a little way from the cabin.

CORMAC: I'll come and pick up your carcass in the morning. Guess Kendall wasn't that great a judge of character after all.

Cormac goes back into the cabin, leaving Keith outside, shivering.


Logan stands on the balcony, brushing his teeth with an electric toothbrush, looking out over Neptune, thoughtful. There's a knock on the door inside. Logan turns and looks into the suite for a moment before responding.


As he walks towards the door of the suite, Logan throws the toothbrush onto the couch. He opens the door and comes to a halt. It's Dick. His face looks like a punchbag. He is dishevelled and in somewhat of a state. His breathing is ragged.

[301/3946.jpg]DICK: I don't have anywhere else to go.

LOGAN: Yeah, hey, it's all right, can stay here.

Logan jerks his head, beckoning Dick in but Dick doesn’t move. He starts to cry. Logan goes to him and puts a hand on his shoulder.

DICK: I messed up bad.

Logan examines his face intently for a moment.

LOGAN: It's gonna be okay.

Dick starts to cry harder. Logan pulls him into a hug.

LOGAN: Come here.

They stand in the hall, Dick sobbing in Logan's arms.


Mac and Veronica enter the hall. Veronica is tipsy.

MAC: You worked in a coffee shop. How can you not know that an Irish coffee has whisky in it?

[301/4002.jpg]Veronica heads for the wrong room. Mac pulls her back on track.

VERONICA: At Java the Hut, it meant a latté with a little shot of Irish Cream syrup.

MAC: That explains the first one you ordered.

VERONICA: They were magically delicious. And they served me. Boo-yah!

Veronica slaps Mac's hand. Mac giggles.

MAC: Yeah, boo-yah. You probably shouldn't drive home.

VERONICA: I'm fine...okay, maybe not.

They both giggle. Mac uses the key to open the door to her room and pops her head in.

MAC: And we're dude free. The couch is yours.

Veronica pumps her fist and races into the room. Mac follows and shuts the door.


Veronica, crashed out on the small couch in the room, awakens at the sound of an anguished scream. She sits up in bed abruptly, as does Mac. Parker is staring at herself in the mirror. Her head has been shaved. She cries out again. Veronica looks over at Mac, who stares back at her in distress. Veronica returns her attention to Parker, still in shock and wailing at the mirror. Veronica is horrified. End. Executive producer Rob Thomas.

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