3.19 Weevils Wobble But They Don't Go Down

Written by: Phil Klemmer
Directed by: Jason Bloom

Original Air Date: 22 May, 2007
Transcribed by Inigo.
Last edited: 29 May, 2007

VERONICA VOICEOVER: Previously on Veronica Mars...

Veronica approaches Weevil in the Neptune car park as he gets out of his new car in 213 "Ain't No Magic Mountain High Enough."

VERONICA: Where did you hide the cashbox?

WEEVIL: The two places you looked for it.

In a flashback, Weevil stuffs the cashbox in Ophelia's backpack, and then writes "Nancy" on a bill.

WEEVIL: I had to go back later and, uh, add the incriminating fifty dollar bill.

Cut to the preppy girl in criminology class when Veronica brought Weevil in as her class project in 305 "President Evil."

JENNY: Do you think you can ever really leave gang life behind?

WEEVIL: Yeah, I miss it. I miss having cash in my pocket.

Cut to Dick confronting his father in 318 "I Know What You'll Do Next Summer."

DICK: The world doesn't stop because you decided to show up. I can barely live with myself sometimes, and it's so much easier when you're not around!

Veronica and Piz kiss as the lift doors open to reveal Logan. The moment is awkward in 317 "Debasement Tapes."


[319/0057.jpg] Music: "Lazy Girls" by Jill Cunniff.

LYRICS: Here's a song for lazy girls and laid-back boys
Who never quite outgrew their toys
Maybe they told you
You got to go get 'em
But you'd rather lay low and watch the river run
Hey, lazy girls and laid-back boys
You got it right, life's to enjoy
(Eating orange popsicles)
Float down the road, blowing kisses
Keep laughing through the hits and misses, yeah...

A blond girl is arguing with the cashier at the top of a long queue in the Food Hall. In the queue, someway back, Veronica and Mac wait. They've already started nibbling at the frozen yoghurt for which they are waiting to pay.

MAC: Take a look around. It's dead week. Everyone's walking around half-crazy.

VERONICA: Yeah? Well, I just hope Piz isn't planning on moping his way through the remainder of freshman year. It's not like I'm taking an internship at a Mister Softee in Wachoota. It's the FBI.

Dissatisfied with Mac's lack of response, Veronica repeats herself with emphasis.


MAC: At the very least, Piz should think it's hot.

VERONICA: Actually, he does think it's pretty hot. He'd just think it was hotter if I were doing it in Neptune.

MAC: He wants to date you and be near you? Greedy little bugger.

Veronica acknowledges her unreasonableness.

VERONICA: And if he didn't care, I'd probably be complaining about that...to my girlfriend...while waiting to pay for frozen yogurt.

She grimaces.

VERONICA: I'm a girl.

Mac giggles. She then looks towards the front of the queue with impatience.

MAC: Have we moved in the last five minutes?

Veronica throws back her head.

VERONICA: Uh, backwards, I think.

Mac sighs deeply.

MAC: Have you considered letting Piz know you're bummed about the prospect of being apart from him this summer?

VERONICA: Simple, direct, honest? Mac, that's almost crazy enough to work!

MAC: Just sharing my vast relationship wisdom.

They both turn the attention to the front of the queue where the blonde girl, Abigail, has started to shout.

ABIGAIL: Just give me back my damn card!

The cashier, Jalisa, keeps hold of the card.


She looks past Abigail and shouts out.

JALISA: She's right here.

Abigail turns to look and her eyes widen. She takes off.

[319/0153.jpg]JALISA: The one with her mouth open.

Two of the Hearst College security guides race past her, chasing after Abigail.

CAMPUS SECURITY: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

They grab Abigail and march her away. Veronica and Mac watch curiously.

MAC: What's with the food police?

VERONICA: She has the right to remain famished.

Veronica snorts and giggles at her own joke while Mac rolls her eyes before joining her in laughter.


Weevil is standing at the desk of a dour individual, using one of the chairs in front of the desk for support. The man, Russell Marchant of Human Resources according to his desk plate, does not look up from his papers. Weevil is leaning more and more heavily onto the chair and rubbing his leg. He casts a look around the office, his eyes lighting on a homily on the wall in the form of a picture of an eagle and the words, "All serious daring starts from within." Marchant senses the focus of Weevil's attention.



Marchant points to the wall off-handedly, still without looking up.

MARCHANT: It's Harriet Beecher Stowe.

WEEVIL: Ohhh, excuse me, can I sit down? My knee's killing me, man.

MARCHANT: [with scepticism] Oh, right. Your knee.

Marchant points to one of the chairs disdainfully and Weevil sits down.

[319/0223.jpg]MARCHANT: When did you say you injured it, Mr. Navarro?

WEEVIL: Uh, last Wednesday.

MARCHANT: And you did this on the job? I only ask because a lot of you, uh, maintenance fellows like to play basketball over lunch break.

WEEVIL: That's why I didn't file for sportsman's comp, see, 'cause I-I-I hurt my knee moving a busted washing machine across the campus.

MARCHANT: Hmm. Says here you spent a little time in prison last year.

WEEVIL: So did Martha Stewart. Now, does that mean I don't get my benefits?

MARCHANT: No, it just means...how shall I put this? A lot of people look at a thriving private institution like Hearst and they see, well, they see deep pockets.

WEEVIL: I'm not trying to con you, man-

He closes the file and throws it into one of the file trays on his desk.

MARCHANT: But you can appreciate why we have to be so thorough in these matters.

Weevil gets up and starts limping out of the office.

MARCHANT: [dismissively] I will pass your claim along to the review board, and you can expect a decision in the next month or so.

Weevil turns back to face Marchant in disbelief.

WEEVIL: A month? What am I supposed to do until then [em] hop around on one leg?

MARCHANT: Just...do your best.

Weevil shakes his head.


Veronica is lying on her stomach on Wallace's bed, her feet in the air and her elbows propping up her upper body as she studies. Piz is sitting on his bed, legs crossed, doing the same. Veronica looks over at him. She thinks for a moment, then grabs her cell phone. She punches in a number. Piz's cell rings. She watches as he checks the caller ID and sees that it is Veronica. He stares at her with a look part irritated/part confused.

VERONICA: Answer it.

With a sigh, Piz climbs over his books and sits at the end of his bed. He answers the call.

[319/0335.jpg]PIZ: Hello?


PIZ: What are you doing?

VERONICA: I'm calling you from FBI headquarters in Virginia because I miss you. And I'm very sweet.

PIZ: [a little sceptical] You miss me, huh?


Veronica frowns suddenly

VERONICA: [sharply] Who's that?

Piz looks around, very confused.

PIZ: What?

Veronica gets up onto her knees.

VERONICA: [indignantly] Do you have a girl in your room?

Piz chuckles and gazes on her indulgently. Music: "Inside Your Head" by Eberg.

LYRICS: Ding dong the clock is wrong
Dong ding
Tick tock stubborn clock
Tock tick
Inside your head
Inside your head
Still water sparkles here
The calm drifts away in here
Cuddle cravings addiction brings
Place your coat on six strings
Inside your head
Inside your head
I wouldn't want to be inside your head.....

Veronica sighs.

VERONICA: This long-distance thing is hard. I mean, this internship is the opportunity of a lifetime, and I couldn't be enjoying it more, but...I so wish I could be with you right now.

Veronica steps off the bed and hangs up the phone, setting it down on Wallace's desk. She leans against the wall by Piz's bed.

VERONICA: Well, how about that? It's like I never left.

PIZ: Yeah, those twelve weeks just flew by.

VERONICA: No, they didn't. They took for-ev-er. All those weeks of thinking about you, and...

She climbs onto his lap.

VERONICA: And missing you...and all those pent-up feelings. What am I ever gonna do with all of them?

PIZ: I-I have a couple...million suggestions...


PIZ: If you like-

She silences him with a kiss, pushing him back to a prone position. She lifts her head and stares down at him.

[319/0501.jpg]VERONICA: Mmm. So, what are these suggestions?

PIZ: Oh, you know, you don't need them.

Piz raises his head to catch her lips again, but Veronica pulls back a little.

VERONICA: Does it involve me...doing a sort of dance-squad-like routine? Perhaps...a cheer?

Veronica sits up and claps her hands, then does a pep squad-like bit of semaphore. Piz props himself up on his elbows.

PIZ: Actually, it does.

VERONICA: I was kidding.

PIZ: Then no.

Veronica displays her thoughtful face then leans over him again. She whispers.

VERONICA: Did it involve me being naked?

PIZ: It did.

They start kissing again, hotter and heavier.


Keith is at his desk.

KEITH: If I'm understanding you correctly, a student ID card is basically like money.

One of the Hearst College cops is sitting opposite him.

WAZOWSKI: Exactly. Kids can buy stuff anywhere on campus the cafeteria, the bookstore, you name it.

Keith gets increasingly excited as he gets up and walks around to the front of the desk and sits on its edge.

KEITH: So if they're using fake student IDs, they're using fake money, which makes this fraud.


KEITH: And if these students you've apprehended made the fake IDs themselves, conspiracy to commit. So, you want me to bring them in?

WAZOWSKI: The students have already been dealt with. They've been placed on probation, and the families have agreed to repay the stolen funds.

[319/0612.jpg] Keith shakes his head.

KEITH: That sounds...lenient.

WAZOWSKI: There's no dungeon in the ivory tower.

Officer Wazowski picks up a file and hands it to Keith.

WAZOWSKI: Both kids claim they bought the IDs from this man. He's not a Hearst student, and the Hearst police ain't in the business of prosecuting felons.

KEITH: I'll take care of it.

Cut to later. As Keith watches, Abigail studies what is in front of her.

[319/0622.jpg]ABIGAIL: Number four.

KEITH: You sure?

ABIGAIL: I'm sure.

A deputy opens the door (on which is the sign "No weapons beyond this point") to let Abigail out. Sitting outside is another student. Abigail walks out and the deputy beckons the other student with his hand.

DEPUTY: All right. Come on.

He gets up for the chair and starts in, a little hesitant.

KEITH: Step right in here, son. Take your time.

[319/0657.jpg] He studies the same scene that Abigail did.

HONUS: Number four.

KEITH: You'll testify to that fact?

HONUS: Yeah. That's definitely him.

The camera switches to their view. It's a line-up beyond a glass window. Number four is Weevil. As the rest of the line-up files past him, Weevil stares at the window with a mocking smile. Keith stares back, the disappointment clear on his face.

Opening credits.


Keith and Weevil are in one of the interrogation rooms, sitting across from each other at the table.

[319/0748.jpg]KEITH: I wish you weren't sitting across from me right now, Eli.

WEEVIL: I shouldn't be, Sheriff.

KEITH: Two Dean's-list college students picked you out of a line-up. Your being an ex-con isn't gonna help things.

WEEVIL: Do I get a phone call?

Keith slides the phone on the table closer to Weevil. Weevil picks up the receiver and clears his throat.

WEEVIL: Uh, what's Veronica's number?

Keith stares at him balefully.


Veronica carries some papers from the outer office into Keith's office. She puts them down on his desk and presses the button to check the answer machine as she checks some post. Weevil's voice emits from the machine.

WEEVIL: [on answer machine] Veronica, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up. Where you at? I tried you on your cell, but maybe you got it turned off or something.

As the tape on the machine winds on, Veronica starts to listen in earnest.

WEEVIL: [on answer machine] Uh...hey, lucky for me, your dad's a cool guy, 'cause he gave me another chance at this. Anyway, uh...reason I'm calling is-

[319/0817.jpg] There's a beep as the message comes to an abrupt end. Another beep signals the start of a new message. This time, Weevil's words are rushed and to the point as he makes full use of the third call Keith has allowed him.

WEEVIL: [on answer machine] I need a bail bondsman and a private investigator, and you need a twenty-first century answering machine!

The receiver crashes down firmly and a beep indicates the end of the message.


One of the deputies lets Veronica into the room containing the cell where Weevil is sitting dolefully on the bottom bunk. As soon as he sees her, he gets up and limps towards the bars.

[319/0835.jpg]WEEVIL: Hey!

VERONICA: Weevil, you're wobbling.

Veronica stops at the table and sits on it as Weevil reaches the bars.

WEEVIL: Yeah, and I'm gonna take the fall...unless you can help me. I've already lost my job 'cause of this.

VERONICA: Dad says it's a fraud case?

WEEVIL: Exactly, and you know how I feel about white-collar crime. They're saying I busted into the bursar's office and made a couple fake ID cards and stuck a bunch of cash on them.

VERONICA: And you're saying?

WEEVIL: Damn, Veronica, I don't even know what a bursar is.

VERONICA: You know that office where you pick up your pay check? It says "bursar" on it? That's the bursar.

Weevil shakes his head.

VERONICA: Who says it was you?

WEEVIL: A couple college kids pulled me out of a line-up.

VERONICA: Why do you think they're fingering you?

WEEVIL: 'Cause I'm easy, easy like Sunday morning.

The pain in his knee forces Weevil to adjust his position.

[319/0913.jpg]WEEVIL: Ex-con and all.

VERONICA: Except they'd have to know you were an ex-con. [teasingly] Have you been going around campus sharing the story of your personal journey?

WEEVIL: Only in your criminology class when you asked me to.

Veronica's eyes widen and she looks momentarily guilty.

VERONICA: Oh, yeah, right.

She slips off the desk.


She giggles in embarrassment. Weevil glares at her, not seeing the humour in it.


A desk plate proclaims the occupant to be Karin Mackay, Bursar. Karin works at one end of an open-plan area. She looks up from her work as Veronica approaches her desk.

KARIN: Pell applications are on the right. Change of address cards are over on the-

Veronica shakes her head.

VERONICA: Actually, I'm a private investigator.

[319/0929.jpg] Veronica holds out her badge proudly.

VERONICA: I'm working for Eli Navarro. I'd like to ask you some questions about IDs.

Karin does a double-take as Veronica puts her credentials back in her bag.

KARIN: I'm sorry. You're a what?

VERONICA: I'm a private investigator.

KARIN: [incredulous] How old are you?

VERONICA: I'm nineteen.

Karin nods slowly, still not quite believing it.

VERONICA: So, can you tell me how student IDs work?

KARIN: Oh, well, exactly like debit cards.

Veronica sinks into the chair in front of Karin's desk.

KARIN: Each term, students can add money to their account that can be drawn upon by any campus vendor. I collect the cash and infuse the cards with their new limit.

VERONICA: And you've got the only machine on campus that can program the cards?

KARIN: Yeah.

Karin puts her hand on a small metal box on her desk.

KARIN: The company who makes them, Magneta-corp, only leases the machines to institutions like colleges. If it breaks down or needs to be serviced, we have to send it all the way back to Marietta, Georgia, to get it reprogrammed.

Veronica lines up her cell phone to take a picture of the box as Karin is joined by Russell Marchant.

MARCHANT: Uh, thanks for holding my cheque, Karin.

KARIN: Oh, no problem, Russ.

As Karin looks for Marchant's cheque, she continues to address Veronica.

KARIN: For what it's worth, I happen to know your client, Mr. Navarro, has access to my office.

On hearing Weevil's name, Marchant stares at Veronica.

KARIN: He let me in once when I locked myself out.

Karin hands Marchant an envelope with a smile.


Marchant takes it then returns his attention to Veronica.

MARCHANT: You're working for Eli Navarro.

VERONICA: You know him?

MARCHANT: Yeah, he tried to feed me a bogus workman's comp claim. I'd say that your client could use further rehabilitation.

Marchant takes some pleasure in disabusing Veronica about Weevil. He looks back down at Karin and gestures with the envelope.


He walks away.

VERONICA: Thanks for your time...Miss...

She glances down at the name plate to get the name as she rises, but thinks of something else instead.

VERONICA: Oh, one more thing how did you know that the fakes were fakes?

KARIN: We didn't. One of our food-court workers noticed a number of suspicious names on student IDs. She started a watch list, eventually handed it over.

VERONICA: Sounds like my kind of girl.


It's a quiet moment for one of the cashiers who is taking the opportunity to read a thick book at her post.

VERONICA: Jalisa Jones?

Jalisa doesn't look up.

JALISA: That's me.

VERONICA: You're the one who discovered the fake IDs, right?

That gets her attention and Jalisa looks up at Veronica and puts down the book.

VERONICA: Hearst College must have been grateful.

JALISA: [sarcastically] They offered to put a statue of me in the middle of the quad.

In a slight editing faux pas, Jalisa is shown in reverse still holding the book, which she puts down again.

VERONICA: So, what made you think that the names on the cards were aliases?

[319/1121.jpg] With a smirk, Jalisa accesses the cash tray of the till. She pulls out a sheet of paper from under it. She shuts the till and hands the paper to Veronica.

VERONICA: [reading] "Niels Bohr, Sylvia Plath, Leonardo Fibonacci, Honus Wagner"?

JALISA: Just because I didn't go to a school with a water polo team doesn't mean I don't know who Fibonacci is.

VERONICA: Who wouldn't know?

Veronica's expression shows that she doesn't have a clue. Jalisa smiles.

JALISA: Greatest European mathematician of the middle ages.

VERONICA: Yeah, of course. Ah, do me a favour give me a call if any of the other names pop up.

Veronica holds out one of her cards which Jalisa takes.

JALISA: Sure, but after Sylvia Plath and Honus Wagner got busted, the others stopped coming.


Veronica is at the help desk, typing at the keyboard. Behind her, Abigail arrives and heads for the desk.

ABIGAIL: I just got an email saying I got a fifty dollar fine for a lost book I've never even heard of.


ABIGAIL: Abigail Montgomery.

Veronica, poised to type, pulls her hands back from the keyboard.

[319/1201.jpg]VERONICA: Oh, uh, you're cool. No fine.


VERONICA: I'm a private investigator. I've been hired by Eli Navarro to find out who's making the fake IDs.

Abigail laughs nervously.

ABIGAIL: Is this a joke?

Veronica smiles and reaches into her back pocket, pulling out her PI badge. She opens it and holds it out to Abigail.

VERONICA: I'm bona fide.

ABIGAIL: So, what, you're working undercover at the help desk or something?

VERONICA: More moonlighting. Tell me how you met my client.

ABIGAIL: Last Thursday, I went to pay for my lunch, and the teller told me I was out of money. I was standing there with my burrito and fruit cup, totally humiliated. Later that afternoon, this guy comes up to me and offers to sell me a thousand dollar card for a hundred bucks.

VERONICA: And so you paid him?

ABIGAIL: Yeah. He asked for a fake name and told me to meet him the next day in the basement of the history building at one o'clock. I showed up. He handed me the card. You know, I didn't want to do something dishonest. It's not like I can stop eating. And believe me, I hated turning in that janitor guy. I'm sure he's got kids to feed or something.

[319/1323.jpg] Veronica nods, appearing sympathetic to her ordeal.


Wallace is walking down the corridor, studying a paper in his hand. Another guy is following close behind him. Wallace screws up the paper and throws it into a rubbish bin he passes. Wallace walks forward to a water fountain and takes a drink, as he rises, he looks back. The guy following him has paused at the notice board by the rubbish bin and as soon as he sees Wallace looking at him, quickly turns his attention to the notice board. Wallace frowns and turns, walking towards the door of one of the classrooms. He pauses at the door and glances back. The guy has moved to the rubbish bin. He reaches in and takes the crumpled paper Wallace discarded. Wallace frowns even more deeply before disappearing into the room.


Back at the library, the second student to identify Weevil, the one who used the false name Honus Wagner, heads for Veronica at the help desk.

HONUS: Excuse me, who do I talk to about library fines? I got an email.

Veronica does an "Ah, shucks" wave.

VERONICA: Let's forget about the fine.

She slides her work on the desk to the side and leans in a little closer.

VERONICA: I just need to ask you a few questions.


Weevil is leaning on the bars, disconsolate. He looks up as a deputy lets Veronica into the room containing the cell.

WEEVIL: Hey. So, what'd you learn?

VERONICA: I learned you're in a battle with Hearst over workman's comp.

WEEVIL: Yeah. They were giving me the run-around, and now that I've been fired, they're refusing to pay altogether.

VERONICA: Any chance you decided to get even by taking what they owed you?


VERONICA: Both witnesses, the bright-eyed, freshly scrubbed types juries love, claim you met them at one in the basement of the history building.

WEEVIL: One? That's my lunch break.

[319/1414.jpg] Veronica holds up a pair of crossed fingers.

VERONICA: Which you spend daily with your co-workers, all of whom will eagerly vouch for you?

WEEVIL: Which I usually spend in my car, napping.

Veronica drops her hands in disappointment. Keith enters the room.

WEEVIL: Sheriff! My bail come through?

KEITH: Yep. You're free to go.

Keith opens the cell door.

WEEVIL: Excellent.

KEITH: But I'm afraid I've got some bad news. That machine in the bursar's office? Campus cops just found an identical one in the empty locker next to yours.

Veronica's head sags to the side with a sigh. Weevil can't believe it.

KEITH: Talk to your public defender, Eli. The best deal you're gonna get is the one they're offering now.

All three stare at each other unhappily.


[319/1502.jpg] Various students do various things in a large workshop. Wallace is putting final touches on a large model plane. Veronica, sitting at the table with him, observes.

VERONICA: This is your end-of-term project? I should have been an aerospace major.

WALLACE: A one thirty-second model of an amphibious regional turboprop. I call it the Sea Monkey.

VERONICA: Which would make more sense if monkeys were amphibious...or could fly.

WALLACE: Trust me. It makes perfect sense when you're running on about fifteen minutes' sleep in the last week.

VERONICA: And here Piz thought you were spending all your time with a secret girlfriend.

WALLACE: Only love life I have is some dude who's always following me around.

VERONICA: What, like you're being cruised?

WALLACE: Yeah. Remind me which colour bandana I'm supposed to wear that says I'm straight...but flattered and non-judgemental.

VERONICA: No idea who the guy is?

WALLACE: None. But I saw him take some of my old homework out of the trash.

Veronica laughs at the absurdity.

VERONICA: Well, if he's a souvenir-taker, it's easy. Just leave some tantalizing bait...

She gives him an appraising leer.

VERONICA: I'd suggest your cut-off jean short-shorts

Wallace scoffs.

VERONICA: And double back and watch him. And, uh-

Wallace is saved further friendly humiliation by the sight of Professor Winkler walking through the workshop.

WALLACE: Here's Dr. Winkler. You ready?

They get up from the table.


Professor Winkler is at his desk. Behind him are a couple of whiteboards with equations and drawings filling them.

[319/1600.jpg]DR. WINKLER: Magnetic stripe coercivity? It's a fancy way of saying how hard it is to copy a bank or a debit card. A Hearst student ID is quite simple, actually...

Veronica and Wallace are sitting on the other side of the desk, listening intently.

DR. WINKLER: Provided you work at the CIA and have access to a supercomputer. You know how digital codes work?

VERONICA: A bunch of ones and zeroes and stuff?

DR. WINKLER: A student ID takes your name, ID number, balance, whatever and stores it on a magnetic strip. But they also insert an encrypted signature that prohibits someone from making a counterfeit or making changes to the card.

VERONICA: How super does a computer have to be to crack an encrypted card?

DR. WINKLER: There's one in the physics lab. Of course, they won't let you touch it unless you have a PHD. We lowly mechanical engineers had to build our own, Daisy.

VERONICA: So, what are the odds on a maintenance worker with a GED getting time on Daisy?

DR. WINKLER: Wouldn't matter. Someone would still have to write the software and wait for it to run.

VERONICA: Even if someone had the machine that made the original IDs?

DR. WINKLER: That would simplify things. Maybe you should talk to Leon, one of my grad students. Guy just got a paper published on cryptography.

VERONICA: Where might I find this Leon?

DR. WINKLER: Here, just not while the sun's up. Leon's part vampire.

Veronica looks at him quizzically.


Veronica and Piz are lying together on the couch.

VERONICA: What's the big deal?

PIZ: I didn't say it was a big deal.

VERONICA: Then ask him. I suspect your radio career will put you across the mike from bigger fish than small-town sheriffs.

PIZ: I'm not intimidated about asking the local sheriff to be on my show, okay? I'm intimidated about asking the father of the girl, whose body [em] is as much as it kills me to quote John Mayer [em] a wonderland. All right?

[319/1726.jpg] Veronica grins and kisses him. They get more and more into it until startled by the door opening. They scramble to separate. Keith walks in and sees the tail end of their athleticism. He sighs and slams shut the door.

VERONICA: What happened to the courtesy knock?

KEITH: What happened to whalebone corsets and courting chaperones?

Keith drops the large bag he is carrying onto the kitchen counter table and starts to open it.

KEITH: Who wants falafel?

Veronica looks at Piz and nods towards her father, egging him on. With some trepidation, Piz climbs off the sofa and walks to the counter.

PIZ: Uh, Mr. Mars, I was wondering could you come down to Hearst tomorrow? I'd like to meet you on my show. I'm doing an election special. Hearst's four thousand votes could go a long way to determining the election.

KEITH: I don't know, Stosh. My schedule's pretty tight.

PIZ: It's just...I mean, I wouldn't want Vinnie Van Lowe getting all the airtime without giving you a chance to rebut, you know.

Veronica walks up to stand by Piz's side as Keith busies himself in the kitchen.

[319/1805.jpg]KEITH: What time is the show?

PIZ: Bright and early eight o'clock.

KEITH: Fine. If you think Vinnie is willing to miss his morning cartoons, I'll be there.

VERONICA: As long as you're in a munificent mood, how about buying the office a new answering machine?

PIZ: Munificent?

KEITH: What's wrong with the old one?

VERONICA: The Yoders have one just like it.

KEITH: Who are the Yoders?

VERONICA: The Amish family in 3B.

Keith sighs deeply.

KEITH: You may have gone digital, but I remain firmly analogue.

VERONICA: No, I'm digital. You remain firmly cheap.

He sighs again.

KEITH: My day was fine. How was yours, Veronica?

VERONICA: Uh, proved Weevil didn't do it.

Veronica starts picking at the food on the table between them. Keith follows her example.

KEITH: Honey, I don't think you can let Eli off the hook.

VERONICA: I talked to a mechanical engineering prof. He said it would be impossible for Weevil to program the machine you found in his-

Veronica notices Keith shaking his head sadly.


KEITH: We dusted the box. It's covered with Eli's prints. Only Eli's.

Veronica sags.


The workroom is dark, but there are a few lights in one of the side rooms where Veronica is questioning the night own, Leon.

LEON: You want to know if someone could make a counterfeit Hearst student ID?

VERONICA: Yeah. Dr. Winkler says you're the real expert here at Hearst.

LEON: Dr. Winkler said that?

[319/1917.jpg] Veronica nods.

LEON: Wow.

Leon preens.


LEON: Possibly, but that someone would need an awful lot of smarts. Here. Umm...

He pushes back from the desk and his chair rolls to the filing cabinet next to it. He opens one of the drawers.

LEON: You're more than welcome to look in my-

He flicks through the files.

LEON: What the hell?

VERONICA: What is it?

LEON: All my research materials, they're gone. Someone stole them.

Veronica stares at him.


Piz is on air. Keith, looking very stiff, is on his left and Vinnie, relaxed and grinning, is on his right. In the Food Court, a female student is watching while a table full of guys is listening but paying little attention.

[319/1950.jpg]PIZ: We're back, and we've got sheriff candidates Keith Mars and Vinnie Van Lowe in studio telling us why they deserve to be your chief lawman. So, as you might not be surprised to hear, a big issue with Hearst students is the crackdown on underage drinking in off-campus bars.

VINNIE: That's his thing don't look at me.

KEITH: The legal drinking age is twenty-one for a reason. I plan to continue enforcing it.

VINNIE: Know what laws I plan to enforce? The important ones, like murder and terrorism. These aren't just the subjects of our favourite movies and TV shows. These are the things that threaten us here and now in Neptune, okay? Once those things are taken care of, maybe I'll have time to drop in on campus-area bars...for a cold one.

The guys at the table cheer and high-five each other. Vinnie watches them and smirks. Keith looks balefully at Piz who squirms uncomfortably.

PIZ: Uh, line one, you have a question for either of our candidates?

CALLER: [on phone] For Sheriff Mars, this one's a two-parter.

KEITH: Shoot.

CALLER: [on phone] First, why do you suck? And the second part, what's it like to suck so hard?

As Vinnie enjoys himself, Keith looks like he'd rather be anywhere else.


Wallace is set one in one corner of the library, taking notes off the screen of his keyboard. The guy who was following his is at another nearby table. Wallace pushes back from the table for a break and rolls his eyes on seeing him. He sighs, drops his pencil on his books and gets up. Sighing loudly, he leaves the library. As soon as he's gone, the guy gets up and walks over to the desk where Wallace was working. Unseen by the guy, Wallace re-enters the library from another door, near the table where the guy was working. Wallace notes that the guy is engrossed and checks out the table in front of him. He flicks the pages of a notebook to reveal a separate file. A picture of Wallace is clipped to the file. Inside is a print-off of Wallace's Hearst College 2006-2007 schedule reading as follows:
Student Name: Wallace Fennell
Student Number: 107246
Total Credits: 7.50
Year: 2006-2007
There is then a list of classes, including the days of the week, times, units, instruction and rooms:
METech - MF - 09:00AM-12:10PM - 1.50 - D.Etler - 101
Hist - TTh - 12:40PM-02:10PM - 1.00 - M.Merrill - 489
Eco - TWF - 01:00PM-05:00PM - 1.50 - R.Mitchell Wat - 454
Gph - MF - 02:30PM-05:40PM - 1.00 - D.Etler - 321
Led - TTh - 02:30PM-05:40PM - 1.00 - Merrill/Wilson - 365
Psy - W - 02:30PM-05:40PM - 1.50 - C.Bundrick - 202
Handwritten underneath are notes about a couple of photos:
Photo 1. Wallace had a meeting with his advisors.
Photo 2. Walking across campus...
Wallace picks up a couple of photos, both showing him in his Hearst basketball team jacket, the second with a front shot of him, showing his number, three. Behind them is another sheet of paper with his basketball statistics. Frowning, Wallace looks up to check on the guy. He's no longer at Wallace's desk. Wallace softly mouths "shit" and then freezes as a throat is cleared behind him. He spins round to face the guy.

[319/2145.jpg]WALLACE: Dude, hey, look, man, I don't know what you-


Wallace, despite himself, does what he is told, his brow furrowed.

THE GUY: Are you familiar with the Castle?

WALLACE: I've heard of it.

THE GUY: Wallace Fennel, I've been authorized to inform you that you've been tapped for admission. If you tell anyone, your invitation will be rescinded, and there will be consequences. Do you accept?

Wallace stares at him.


Veronica and Weevil, who is still limping, are walking across campus.

[319/2221.jpg]VERONICA: If we're assuming someone's framing you, they had only twenty-four hours-

WEEVIL: Whoa, if we're assuming? If we're not assuming, then I guess we're assuming that I did it, which means that I hired you to get to the bottom of my own crime? That's a pretty dumb assumption, don't you think?

VERONICA: Touch-y. I'll rephrase. Whoever framed you had twenty-four hours to get your fingerprints on the ringer ID machine. We need to retrace your steps. Try and remember everything you touched the day before you got busted.

Weevil laughs.

WEEVIL: A day in the life of Weevil's hands, huh? Let's see. I woke up, I hopped in the shower-

VERONICA: What say we fast-forward to your day on campus?

WEEVIL: No problem. Uh, first call was the radio station. Deejay blew a fuse.

VERONICA: Did you happen to see this?

Veronica holds up her Sidekick, showing the picture she took earlier of the box on the bursar's desk.

VERONICA: It's the ID machine they found next to your stuff.

WEEVIL: Well, that box does not look familiar.

Veronica frowns and puts away the phone.

VERONICA: Let's take a little field trip, see if we can't jog your memory.

Veronica slaps his arm and strides away jauntily.

WEEVIL: Fine, but you're gonna have to slow your ass down.

Veronica stops and waits for him to catch up with her.


Keith is still in purgatory as the interview continues in similar vein.

CALLER #2: [on phone] Let's say you got two calls at the same time. One was for, let's say, a kidnapping in progress, but the other involves a twenty-year-old having a beer.

Keith shakes his head.

CALLER #2: Which call would you take first?

PIZ: I think this ground has been well-covered by candidate Mars.

VINNIE: I, for one, think we should hear his answer.

After a moment's hesitation to marvel at the stupidity of it all, Keith answers.

KEITH: I'd respond to the kidnapping call first.

Weevil and Veronica enter the studio. Keith gives Veronica a grin.

PIZ: Uh, let's talk a little bit about law-enforcement experience.

As he talks, Piz is forced to push back and rise from his seat as Weevil heads straight for the desk area at his feet.

KEITH: I'm glad you bring that up, Stosh.

VINNIE: As am I. I first learned law-enforcement techniques while serving in this great country's armed forces.

Weevil shines a flashlight at all the electrics under the desk.

VINNIE: During my stint in the military police, I saw crime drop 20% across U.S. military bases.

KEITH: And you believe you were responsible for that drop?

VINNIE: I did my part.

KEITH: And was that before your dishonourable discharge?

VINNIE: I'm sorry, did this campaign just go negative? I thought we had a gentleman's agreement here. That's fine. The kid gloves are off now, Keith.

Veronica is ignoring the interview, and instead is watching Weevil. He shakes his head and gets out from under the desk, allowing Piz to take his seat again.

VINNIE: Okay, in the past two years of tranquillity in Neptune under the steady watch of Sheriff Don Lamb, citizen Mars was cited six times for infractions ranging from impersonating a law-enforcement officer to withholding evidence.

Veronica gives Piz a smile and turns to follow Weevil out of the studio until she hears Vinnie's reference to herself.

[319/2425.jpg]VINNIE: His comely daughter, a Hearst student, was arrested twice in that time.

Veronica holds Weevil's arm to stop him leaving, and then walks slowly up behind Vinnie, listening.

VINNIE: The question isn't whether Sheriff Mars can clean up Neptune. It's can Sheriff Mars clean up his own household?

Veronica smacks Vinnie's head, pushing it into the microphone. Weevil smiles and he and Veronica leave.

[319/2426.jpg]PIZ: Uh, well, we'll pick up where we left off right after this.

Vinnie, offended, looks behind him to see her go. He looks over at Piz and Keith, expecting sympathy and/or outrage. Both are smirking and Keith starts to laugh as the advert plays.

FEMALE ANNOUNCER: [on radio] It's never been more important to be a part of your community. Sign up for the annual Blood Drive-


Weevil marches into Marchant's office, not pausing for breath as he relates his day to Veronica.

WEEVIL: So, I walked in here like this, I sat in that chair over there...

Marchant, at his desk, is indignant.

MARCHANT: Mr. Navarro, might I ask what you're doing here?

Weevil leans against the desk with his back to Marchant, ignoring him.

WEEVIL: I talked with the human resources suit for a couple minutes.

Marchant rises and points to the door.

[319/2446.jpg]MARCHANT: Uh, get out-get out of my office.

VERONICA: You touch anything, pick anything up?

Weevil, arms folded, cocks his head as he thinks.

WEEVIL: No, I don't think so.

MARCHANT: You were fired. You are not permitted on Hearst property. I'm calling security.

Marchant picks up the telephone receiver and punches a few buttons.

WEEVIL: Wait a minute. I did pick up an envelope on the suit's desk. Um, it had his home address on it. I'm not sure what good that'll do me.

Veronica rolls her eyes and smiles in recognition of what he is doing. Behind him, Marchant quickly replaces the phone's receiver.

VERONICA: Anything else?


Veronica turns and leaves the office. With a chuckle, and without a backward glance at Marchant, Weevil follows her. Marchant stares after them, made helpless by the implied threat.


Lauren opens the door to her room to find Weevil and Veronica standing outside.

WEEVIL: Hi. You remember me earlier this week?

LAUREN: Yeah, the sink guy.

WEEVIL: I left a tool here when I was fixing your drain.

VERONICA: Mind if we take a look around?

LAUREN: Yeah, no problem. Come on in.

She steps aside to let them in.

LAUREN: The sink's worked great.

WEEVIL: What can I say? I take pride in what I do.

[319/2527.jpg] Weevil goes to the sink and opens the doors of the cupboard under it. There is the sink's pipe and little else in there. He crouches down to look as done Veronica. He speaks to her quietly.

WEEVIL: Veronica, uh, the last time I was here, they had a bunch of crap under the sink. I had to move it all out of the way to get at the drain, but I didn't pay much attention to what I was moving.

Veronica looks up at Lauren.

LAUREN: My roommate tried to dump Ramen down the sink.

She laughs.

LAUREN: She's such a blonde.

Veronica glares at her for a moment, long enough for Lauren to realise what she has said to a blonde, then laughs. She returns her attention to Weevil.

VERONICA: You could have left your prints on the box without even knowing it.

They hear the sound of the arrival of Lauren's roommate. Veronica turns her head and rises slowly, recognising her.

JENNY: Hey, Lauren, that message from Joey on the board, did he leave it-

She comes to a halt on recognising Veronica.

VERONICA: Hi, there. I'm Veronica. Aren't you in my criminology class?

JENNY: [uncomfortably] Yeah.

Veronica points behind her.

VERONICA: You remember my friend Eli, right?

JENNY: From class? Your talk was so...edifying.

WEEVIL: I get that a lot.

JENNY: So, what are you up to now?

LAUREN: Oh, he thinks he left a tool behind.

VERONICA: His tools are his livelihood.

WEEVIL: What'd you do with the stuff you had under the s-

Weevil is amazed when Veronica interrupts his question.

VERONICA: Oh, I love your hair.

JENNY: Thanks.

VERONICA: Do you mind if I take a picture of you for my stylist?

JENNY: I guess not.

Veronica gets out her camera.

VERONICA: Say "cheese."

Veronica fiddles with the lens a moment, then takes the picture. She checks it in the digital window.


She turns to Weevil.

VERONICA: We've got what we need, Eli.

Bemused, Weevil nods and starts to follow her out as she takes her leave of Jenny.

[319/2645.jpg]VERONICA: Uh, I'll see you in class.

They leave the room...


...and Weevil closes the door behind them. Weevil is confused.

WEEVIL: Your stylist? What was that all about?

VERONICA: Walk me to work. I'll show you what the inside of a library looks like.


Weevil and Veronica are at the help desk in the library.

WEEVIL: I thought you were supposed to be good at this. She's out of focus.

VERONICA: Easy, sleazy. You're looking at the wrong thing.

On Veronica's computer screen, she pans past an extreme close-up of Jenny to the side of her head where there was a picture on the wall. It shows a group of friends, including Jenny, in Aspen.

[319/2700.jpg]VERONICA: I didn't care about her. It's the picture behind her. Watch closely now.

Veronica marks and enlarges the picture of Jenny, who is smiling. There is a boy standing behind her with his arm around her.

VERONICA: Look who we have here. It's the girl from my criminology class.

WEEVIL: We knew that twenty minutes ago.

Veronica changes to another part of the picture, one which shows Abigail and Leon standing side by side.

VERONICA: There's our Sylvia Plath. She pulled you out of a line-up. And...and this is the guy who actually knows how to program the cards.

She zooms out to show the whole photograph again.

VERONICA: I'd bet one of these guys in masks is our Honus Wagner.

Weevil grins.

WEEVIL: We got them.

VERONICA: Question do you want to just get yourself off the hook, or do you want to take all these Aspen ski bums down at the same time?

WEEVIL: How are we gonna ID the others?

VERONICA: You leave that to me.


[319/2737.jpg] Logan is standing by the bar in his room, speaking on the phone.

LOGAN: And I've got all the frequent-flier miles we need.

He listens for a moment.

LOGAN: You know, every other weekend if you want.

Dick walks in from the door to the suite, carrying a can of beer.

DICK: Who you talking to?

LOGAN: Parker.

DICK: Park her? I don't even know her!

Dick snorts at his lame joke and takes a long swig of beer as he stumbles into his room.

LOGAN: Sorry about that. That was Dick. Yeah, he's gearing up for finals.

Parker says something that makes Logan laugh.

LOGAN: Yeah.

DICK: Hey, Logan. The night my brother jumped off the roof, did you, like, try and stop him?

Logan freezes. It takes him a moment to speak into the phone.

LOGAN: I got to call you back.

He's hardly listening to the response.

LOGAN: Yeah, bye.

He clicks off the phone and turns to face Dick who is standing near the door to his room, leaning on the wall and looking down at his feet.

[319/2829.jpg]LOGAN: Everything okay, Dick?

Dick looks up. His face is tear-stained.

DICK: I duct-taped him to his bike, his feet to the pedals. He was maybe ten, and I just left him out there on the cul-de-sac. Forgot about him for hours. I went outside, and there he was, still riding around in circles.

LOGAN: Dick, I'm not sure if spending happy hours with your dad is the best way to deal with all this.

Dick stares at him helplessly. Logan walks towards him.

LOGAN: Tomorrow, we'll catch a few waves. We'll get you back on a board. You'll see things clear.

DICK: Yeah, okay. That sounds sweet.

Dick holds up his beer can.

DICK: But I'm inviting twenty-four little buddies just in case I don't like what I see when things are clear.

Logan nods.


Jenny and Lauren are walking down the hall near the campus police. Someone passing calls out to Jenny.

STUDENT: Hey, Jenny.

She smiles but does not respond. Lauren's attention is taken by something on the wall.

LAUREN: Hey, isn't that your photo?

[319/2905.jpg] Amongst the notices, there is one which features the Aspen photograph under the title "Do You Know These People?" Lauren gets closer to read it.

LAUREN: [reads] "I met this great group of people from Hearst skiing over Christmas break, but I didn't get their names, and I'd like to track them down. If you know who they are, please e-mail vMars@aol.Com."

Jenny's sinking feeling is palpable.

LAUREN: Wow, freaky!

Lauren turns back to Jenny.

LAUREN: Do you want me to jot down that email address?

Jenny doesn't respond.


Her leg in the sink, Veronica slides a razor up to and past the knee. She looks in the mirror at Mac, standing behind her and smiling oddly.


MAC: Miss Mars uses Venus razor.

VERONICA: Because if she doesn't, her legs look like Pluto's.

MAC: And she's down-to-earth, to boot.

[319/2947.jpg] Veronica laughs.

VERONICA: I think I read in Teen People that a clean leg shave will make that special boy sit up and take notice.

MAC: I read in FHM that boys like bare breasts.

VERONICA: Interesting. I did not know that. Bare breasts, you say? Hmm.

Mac nods sagely.


Veronica, Piz, Mac and Wallace have parked at the beach. Veronica's wearing shorts to show off her newly mowed legs. She opens the back of the Saturn, gasping at the smell.

VERONICA: Jeez, what does that thing run on, nail polish?

Wallace carefully lifts the model airplane out of the car.

WALLACE: It's a methanol-oil mixture.

VERONICA: That's why I drive a Saturn hybrid.

Piz reaches in to grab the fuel.

MAC: Hey, did anyone else hear there's gonna be a Matchbox 20 reunion show?

PIZ: [dismissively] So? Rob Thomas is a whore.

MAC: Yeah.

Veronica slams the hatchback door shut and they head out onto the beach.

VERONICA: Hey, you never told me what happened with your whole man-crush thing.

MAC: Wallace has a man crush?

PIZ: The man crush isn't me, is it?

VERONICA: Some guy following him around campus. Is it Piz?

WALLACE: All right, now, it was...nothing, you know? It was just nothing.

Elsewhere on the beach, Logan and Dick in wet suits are carrying their boards.

DICK: Man, this new wet suit's like a cheap motel. No ballroom.

Dick snaps the wet suit at his crotch. A Frisbee is the sand is retrieved by one of the beach's visitors as the other group looks for a place from which to launch Wallace's plane.

PIZ: So, what's the protocol for a plane christening? I mean, does someone get to, like, smash the, uh, Sea Monkey with a miniature bottle of champagne or...?

WALLACE: The protocol? Pray to whatever god you believe in she flies.

Wallace finds the spot and puts the plane down on the sand.

WALLACE: Otherwise, my ass is grass.

VERONICA: Orville Wright's exact words, if I recall.

Wallace busies himself with getting the plane ready as the other three stand and watch him.

[319/3049.jpg]PIZ: I'm so nervous. This is totally knotting up my inner nerd.

MAC: Wait, you have an inner one?

Veronica laughs as Piz glares at Mac. Wallace stands up with the remote in his hand and extends the aerial. He takes a deep breath. The four propellers on the plane start to spin. Wallace checks the controls. The rudder and flaps flap as they should. He presses the joystick forward and watches the plane anxiously. It rolls quickly down the sand towards the water, taking off just before it reaches it. It soars.

WALLACE: Whoo-hoo we're up!

Veronica claps and jumps up and down.

PIZ: Yes!

The plane banks, but the engine cuts out and it falls to the ground.

PIZ: D'oh!


The plane lands in the path of Logan and Dick.

DICK: Hey, look, a toy plane.

Wallace races up to them, the other three following behind.

WALLACE: Don't touch the plane!

Piz gestures a "Hi" at Logan and Dick.

DICK: Hey, hey! Look who's slumming it at the beach. What's up, hot legs? Ow!

MAC: Score one for Teen People.

DICK: Hey, we're blowing off a little dead-week steam if you kids want to hang.

VERONICA: We can't. We're helping Wallace.

WALLACE: Actually, uh, Wallace could use a little time to himself.

Her excuse blown, Veronica is left with nothing to avoid agreeing. Cut to a bit later. Wallace is alone on the sand working on the plane. Further up the beach, Logan and Dick are on one bench and Mac, Piz and Veronica are on the other. Veronica has covered her legs modestly with a towel. The benches face a fire pit and smoke rises from it. Piz, Logan and Dick all have and are drinking beers. There's another can on the sand which is either Mac's or one Piz has already finished. [319/3153.jpg]

MAC: I feel so bad for Wallace. He needs more thrust.

Dick sniggers. Logan smiles, knowing what's on his mind.

LOGAN: Don't say it.

Dick momentarily wipes the smile from his face, as if acceding to the warning, but can't himself and blurts out the popular The Office (U.S.) gag after all.

DICK: That's what she said.

Logan and Dick both laugh. Piz gets it and smiles but Mac and Veronica both seem clueless and a little offended.

MAC: I think I'm gonna go help Wallace.

Mac gets up and heads back down the beach. Dick calls out after her.

DICK: Hey, Mac, wait up.

Mac doesn't break her stride and Dick has to run to catch up with her. Back at the fire pit, Logan looks at Veronica. She glances back at him, then quickly looks away. Down on the beach, Dick matches pace with Mac.

DICK: I know you and me haven't always been, like, best buds, but do you want to know why?

MAC: Not really.

DICK: 'Cause you were both so smart, you and Beav. And-and I could tell, you know, that you thought I was an idiot...

Mac's expression confirms that she holds the same opinion now.

DICK: So I figured my best bet was to...you know how a best defence is a good offence? So, I thought...

He drops a heavy hand on Mac's shoulder, bringing them to a stop and forcing her to look at him.

DICK: The way I treated you and Beav was totally uncool, and I'm totally sorry for all those things I said.

MAC: Yeah. Okay. Accepted.

DICK: It's cool. You're so cool. I get it now what my brother saw in you.

[319/3248.jpg] Much to Mac's disgust, Dick leans in for a kiss. Mac slaps his head away with disdain, and then carries on down the beach. Dick calls after her.

DICK: Don't tell Logan, okay?

Dick gives an embarrassed chuckle before draining the beer from the can in his hand. At the fire pit, nobody seems to know where to look. Piz attempts friendly conversation.

PIZ: You know, uh, a couple of my high-school friends surfed. Yeah, they'd drive down to Sunnyside early in the morning, but I always had to work these crappy jobs over the summer. It must have been cool growing up down here.

LOGAN: Well, it must have been great working.

Piz, a little puzzled by the response, shrugs.

LOGAN: That's what makes you so real, Piz, so salt-of-the-earth. My life, on the other hand? Frivolous.

PIZ: No, that's not what I was saying.

LOGAN: No, you're right. Not frivolous, full of frivolity. You hear that, Veronica? The, uh, subtext? Piz worked for a living while I frittered my days away. Impressed?

VERONICA: I'm not impressed right now.

PIZ: What's your problem, man?

LOGAN: Fundamentally, I guess it's that I lack a working man's backbone.

VERONICA: [sharply] Logan, enough.

Logan nods carelessly. The sound of Wallace's plane can be heard behind them. Veronica looks over her shoulder to see it in the air.

VERONICA: Wallace got it working.

She grabs Piz's hand.

VERONICA: We should get back.

Logan doesn't watch them go.


Veronica is back at the help desk, studying the Aspen picture on her laptop. She's added some name and aliases to the faces. Anne Sexton was used by Jenny Budosh and Niehls [sic] Bohr was used by Patrick Nickerson, the boy with his arm around her. Veronica types in Patrick's name in an address bar and pulls up a Google-like listing. There are a number of Nickerson's listed, including one as follows:
"Marietta Telegraph - Local News: Marietta based Magneta-corp CEO, Patrick Nickerson, Sr, announced his company's intent...$20-million dollars to Mr. Nickersons Alma mater, Hearst College."
Veronica clicks on the link which brings up the Marietta Telegraph and an article entitled "Magneta-corp makes record donation." The article, by Jessica Cavin, reads: "Marietta based Magneta-corp's CEO, Patrick Nickerson, Sr., announced his company's intentions to donate $20-million dollars to Mr. Nickerson's Alma mater, Hearst College. 'We are proud to support such a fine educational institution as Hearst College,' Nickerson wrote in a press release on Sunday. 'My own time at Hearst was a fundamental part of my education and played an integral part in forming the man I am today.' The $10-million [sic] dollar donation is set to be given in $4-million dollar instalments over the next five years. No conditions were requested for how the money must be spent. This is a record donation for Hearst College and will help the institution cover some increased operating costs due to federal funding slashes across higher education..."

VERONICA VOICEOVER: Looks like someone's main squeeze is from Marietta, Georgia, the same town where they make the Magneta-corp machine. And guess whose dad is an executive at Magneta-corp?

[319/3417.jpg] Veronica's study is interrupted by the sound of a throat clearing.

PATRICK: I guess you know who I am by now.

She looks up and sees Patrick and Jenny standing side by side in front of the help desk.

VERONICA: Wild guess. Patrick Nickerson.

PATRICK: There's some people we want you to meet.

Veronica gazes back at him. Cut to a moment later. Patrick and Jenny lead Veronica through the bookcases, leading to a large separate library room. There are eight students in there, waiting and standing on the far side of the large table at the centre of the room. They include Abigail, Leon and the student who used the alias of Honus Wagner. Jenny and Patrick close the double doors leading into the room, then walk around the table to join their friends. They take seats at the table, as do some of the others, with a few deciding to stay standing behind them. Patrick gestures for Veronica to sit down. She takes a seat opposite them.

[319/3503.jpg]VERONICA: I guess you're all asking yourself why I called this meeting.

No one smiles.

VERONICA: What? That's comedy gold.

PATRICK: She knows about my dad's company.

VERONICA: And I know that Leon's cryptography research wasn't really stolen. Let's see, one guy to steal the machine...

She points at Patrick.

VERONICA: One guy to program it...

She points at Leon who gives a rueful grin.

VERONICA: And everyone to point the finger at the ex-con maintenance guy.

Veronica gets out her Sidekick.

VERONICA: And the injustice league strikes again.

PATRICK: Who are you calling?

VERONICA: The surgeon general.

JENNY: She's calling her dad, the sheriff.

VERONICA: Good call, Jenny. See, you're not here just for your looks.

PATRICK: Hang up. Please. We can work this out. Yeah, you can be one of us.

VERONICA: Is this where you turn me into a vampire?

PATRICK: We can make it worth your while.

[319/3602.jpg] Veronica punches a button on the Sidekick and lays it down on the table.

VERONICA: All right, I'm listening.

PATRICK: So, what is that maintenance guy paying you, anyway?


PATRICK: Don't turn us in and you could have your very own Hearst ID.

VERONICA: Oh, I have one, thanks.

PATRICK: This one is the everlasting gobstopper of spending money. You'll never have to pay for another textbook, another ticket to a campus performance, another meal.

VERONICA: Assuming I want to eat meals in the Food Court for the rest of my life? Besides, you're lying. You don't have the machine. You left it in the locker next to Mr. Navarro's.

JENNY: There's a third one.

LEON: I've already programmed it.

PATRICK: The only reason we got busted is because we used stupid aliases. We get new cards, generic names, and we don't get caught again.

JENNY: You're a scholarship kid, right?

PATRICK: Yeah, that must be pretty tough, paying for all those meals, textbooks.

Veronica drums her fingers on the table.

VERONICA: It is. Which is why a bunch of kids who can afford to ski in Aspen getting their kicks by ripping off my school and blaming it on the nearest kid from the wrong side of the tracks pisses me off so much.

Veronica gets up from the table, grabbing her phone.

PATRICK: You think that ski picture is proof?

Veronica turns back to face them.

PATRICK: That doesn't prove anything.

Veronica holds out her phone and punches a couple of buttons.

VERONICA: But this conversation does.

[319/3701.jpg] The conversation they've just had starts to play.

PATRICK: [on tape] Hang up. Please, we can work this out, okay? Yeah, you can be one of us.

Veronica points to Patrick, then to herself with a cheesy grin.

VERONICA: [on tape] Is this where you turn me into a vampire?

PATRICK: [on tape] We can make it worth your while.

Veronica switches off the recording.

VERONICA: I won't bore you with the rest, but I'll bet it means jail time. Or, if you'd prefer, you can go throw yourself at the mercy of the campus police. I'm sure they'll have more mercy for you than my dad, particularly when he finds that third machine in one of your dorm rooms.

ABIGAIL: [scoffing] Like we'd keep it in a dorm room.

LEON: Shh.

VERONICA: If I don't hear that the charges against my client have been dropped by tomorrow noon, I'm taking everything I've got to the finest law-enforcement organization in Balboa county. And try and keep it down in here, okay?

Veronica puts her finger to her lips.

VERONICA: It's the library.

Veronica turns and walks out of the room, leaving them to their consternation. As Veronica heads back to the help desk, she calls Weevil.

VERONICA: Weevil, I need you to get to the engineering lab right away. I think they're hiding a third box there, one that's functioning. I don't want the ski patrol to destroy it.


Logan is watching poker on the television as he bites at his cuticles.

TV COMMENTATOR: Welcome back to the All Star event. We are down to the final table. Yep, we have nine people left and you are all in...real old pros here, like Terry there...

Dick opens the door from his room and peeks out. He looks at Logan and slips back into his room. Logan notices then returns his attention to the screen. Dick pops out again, waits for Logan to look at him and then disappears back into the bedroom.

LOGAN: Dude, what are you doing?

Dick steps out, holding his laptop.

DICK: Man, I'm not sure if I should show you this.

LOGAN: What is it?

DICK: Well, you have to see it. I can't say the words out loud.

Dick hurries towards him. He places the open laptop on the ottoman in front of Logan, then steps back, parking his butt on the arm of sofa.

[319/3835.jpg]DICK: It's cued up. Just hit the space bar.

Logan does. A video starts. It's of Veronica and Piz in the dorm room.

VERONICA: [on video] I so wish I could be with you right now.

DICK: That's Veronica.

LOGAN: Yeah, I'm aware of that.

VERONICA: [on video] Well, how about that?

DICK: And that's that Piz dude.

PIZ: [on video] I-I have a couple...million suggestions.

Logan stares at it with increasing concern.

DICK: Yeah, here's the money. Not what I'd call bodacious, but firm, supple, pleasing to the eye.

LOGAN: [gravely] Where did you get this?

DICK: It's going around in an email. You think Veronica knew that there's a camera in the room?

LOGAN: [tightly] No.


Piz is broadcasting in the studio, on his own.

PIZ: Here's what this good Catholic boy could never get straight.

Through the window into the Food Court, Logan can be seen throwing open the double door and striding towards the radio station in furious avenger mode. If Piz sees him, he gives no indication of it.

PIZ: Good people go to heaven, bad people go to hell, and the rest of us all go to a place called purgatory. Really? What the hell's purgatory? It's just some place where you have to suffer a lot and strive to be better people. I mean, isn't that just life on earth all over again?

[319/3928.jpg] Logan slams open the door to the studio. Piz, in headphones, doesn't know he is there. Logan grabs the headphones off a totally unprepared Piz and yanks him off the chair. He smashes Piz against a wall and punches him, first in the gut and then in the face. Logan takes hold of Piz and throws him across the room. Piz lands against the glass that separates the studio from the producer's booth. Logan spins Piz around. Piz takes a wild punch which misses the ducking Logan by a mile. Logan gets in another body punch. Piz manages to throw Logan off. Logan lands hard against the sound equipment on the desk in the studio, momentarily winded. Piz races out of the studio. Logan slips off the desk and follows him determinedly. Outside in the Food Court, the fight has attracted some attention.

LOGAN: Come back here, you-

As Logan emerges into the station office, Piz is waiting and manages to get in a hard elbow to Logan's face, followed by a punch that also lands. Logan quickly recovers and half lifts, half pushes Piz into the wall, punching him the face a few more times.


Veronica is working at her desk. She takes a large swig of liquid from the purchased cup in her hand. She looks up at the sound of someone coming into the office. It's Keith, carrying a shopping bag.

KEITH: Before I left the station, I received word from the campus police that a bunch of kids turned themselves in for those fake IDs.

VERONICA: Huh. They must have had a collective crisis of conscience.

KEITH: Yeah. I bet that was it.

Veronica notices the bag which Keith has set on the desk.

[319/4006.jpg]VERONICA: What you got?

Keith reaches in with a smirk and pulls out a new answer machine.

KEITH: Hmm? Who's cheap now?

Veronica gasps loud and long but is prevented from quipping because her cell phone rings. She grabs it and checks the caller ID. According to her Sidekick, it's "Navarro W."

VERONICA: Speaking of El Diablo.

KEITH: Mm-hmm.

Keith disappears into his office as Veronica takes the call.

VERONICA: Good news. You're a free man, Eli Navarro. They confessed. You find anything in the lab?


WEEVIL: Nothing here. No machine.


VERONICA: It was worth a shot. It's okay. We don't need it.

WEEVIL: [on phone] Thanks, V.


Weevil, who appears to be in Leon's room, takes a seat.

WEEVIL: Hey, I forget. Who owes who now?


VERONICA: Uh, you owe me, clearly.


WEEVIL: You sure about that?

VERONICA: [on phone] Not really.


VERONICA: Night, Weevil. Bye

Veronica punches out the call.


[319/4052.jpg] Weevil smiles as he lowers the phone from his ear. He glances down at his lap, then into the distance. The camera pans down to show what's in his lap. It's the third Magneta-corp machine.


Veronica continues to work at her desk.

KEITH: Honey, can I see you in my office?

After a moment trying to work out if she's in trouble for something, Veronica gets up and walks into Keith's office.

KEITH: You want to tell me what this is?

Keith presses a button on the old answer machine. After the obligatory noise of rewound voices on speed and a bleep, the message plays.

PATRICK: [on tape] Hang up. Please, we can work this out, okay? Yeah, you can be one of us.

VERONICA: [on tape] Is this where you turn me into a vampire?

PATRICK: [on tape] We can make it worth your wh-

Veronica smiles and shakes her head.

VERONICA: It's a confession. You can erase it.

KEITH: Confession? No one confessed to anything on there.

VERONICA: Fortunately, they didn't know that.

The outer door of the office opens.

LOGAN: Veronica?

Veronica looks over her shoulder.

LOGAN: Hello?

[319/4142.jpg] Veronica glances at Keith, then walks out to the outer office. She comes to a sudden halt. One of Logan's fists is very bloody and the results of Piz's few hits are starting to show on his sweat-drenched face. Veronica takes a deep breath and shuts the door to her father's office.

LOGAN: Veronica...there's something you should know.

Concerned, Veronica takes a step forward towards him. End. Executive Producer: Rob Thomas.