3.11 Poughkeepsie, Tramps and Thieves

Written by: Diane Ruggiero
Directed by: John Kretchmer

Original Air Date: 30 January, 2007
Transcribed by Inigo.
Last edited: 11 February, 2007

VERONICA VOICEOVER: Previously on Veronica Mars...

Dean O'Dell sits up groggily in 309 "Spit and Eggs." There's a thump-thump. He walks unsteadily towards the window and watches as more eggs are thrown against it. He turns as the creak of the door.

O'DELL: What are you doing here?

Weevil enters the dean's office where the dean's head is lying across the keyboard on his desk. There is a bullet hole in his temple. Cut to Mindy O'Dell in Keith's office in 310 "Show Me the Monkey."

MINDY: My husband didn't kill himself.

KEITH: What makes you think that?

MINDY: Because I know my husband.

Cut to Veronica and Piz in the Food Court.

VERONICA: Why bother with something not good just because it's something?

PIZ: Especially when you know the difference, which not many people do? I mean, do you?

VERONICA: I think I do.

Logan pulls open the door of his suite to find Veronica. They kiss. End previously.


Veronica and Logan are at one of the tables. Logan is eating chips. Veronica appears to be concentrating on her reading as Logan eats his chips. She speaks without looking up as he picks up another chip.

VERONICA: Are you gonna eat that?

Logan holds up the chip.

LOGAN: This?

VERONICA: Yeah, that fry in particular.

LOGAN: That was the plan.

VERONICA: I'm just saying, if you weren't, or if you were just gonna consume it out of obligation or to meet someone else's expectations, I know someone who might be willing to take it off your hands.

Logan starts to feed the chip to her.

VERONICA: Maybe add a little ketchup, make it worth a girl's while.

Logan sighs, but dutifully dips it in tomato sauce first, then puts the chip in her mouth.

VERONICA: You're welcome.

Logan grabs his books and stands.

LOGAN: Well, I'm off to astronomy.

He pulls a magazine out from the small piles of books.

LOGAN: Did you see the Lampoon yet?

VERONICA: Unh-unh.

He gives her his copy of the Lampoon.

LOGAN: Enjoy.

He kisses her and walks off. Veronica looks at the Lampoon, the cover of which has the work "Egg" across it. Opening the magazine reveals "-ed" on the inside cover. As Veronica amuses herself with reading the accompanying article on page one, entitled "Multiple eggings beat fear into Lampoon editors," Weevil arrives with a tray and joins her at the table.

WEEVIL: Don't tell me they actually wrote something funny in there.

VERONICA: Better. The Hearst Lampoon offices got egged the night after Dean O'Dell reinstated the Greeks.

She turns and holds out the magazine for Weevil to see the article, and in particular, a large illustration of a map at which the Pi Sig house, the Randolph Hearst statue, and the Lampoonoffices are shown to be the targets. The illustration is titled "Huevosnacht!"

[311/0140.jpg]VERONICA: See, that's where the egg was launched at the Pi Sig party by unknown persons. Read the Lilith House girls.

WEEVIL: I can't believe how dumb these people are, you know? They're mad at the dean, so they egg his window, like he's the one who has to clean it up.

VERONICA: The dean's window? It doesn't mention the dean's window.

WEEVIL: That night, they egged the dean's office, too.

This surprises Veronica.

WEEVIL: I don't know why they didn't put that in there. Maybe they couldn't find a way to make it funny. He was a good guy, the dean, you know. It's a damn shame.

This information puzzles Veronica.


Keith is waiting with increasing impatience as Deputy Sacks searches through files at the front desk.

KEITH: I filled out the request form a week ago.

Sacks finally finds what he is looking for. He pulls out a thin file.

SACKS: Ah, got it. Somebody filed it under D.

He hands it to Keith, who turns to walk out, already scanning. Lamb is coming in and Keith pauses in front of him.

SACKS: [apologetically] Mr. Mars requested the report on Cyrus O'Dell's suicide.

LAMB: You know you're not sheriff anymore, right?

KEITH: Just an interested citizen.

SACKS: It's a public record, Sheriff. [a little desperately] He filled out the form.

[311/0233.jpg] Lamb sighs heavily.

LAMB: Always looking for a crime where there isn't one. I think you need a new hobby, Keith.

KEITH: Oh, I don't know. I find solving an investigation very relaxing. You should give it a try sometime.

LAMB: Yeah, yeah. I'll get right on that.


Keith smiles, nods and walks around Lamb.


Veronica is heading for an external staircase. Max, the student who provides others with test papers and answers last seen in 306 "Hi, Infidelity," runs to catch up with her.

MAX: Veronica, hey.

They continue up the staircase.

VERONICA: Sir Cheats-a-Lot. How's business?

MAX: Booming. It's like no one here wants to do his own work. I've actually brought in employees.

VERONICA: Question. Does your team provide study guides for ethics exams?

MAX: Every day. Yeah, the irony has kind of faded over time. So, my own question. Is it true you're, like, a junior private investigator? Because if it's true, A: that's really cool, and B: I-I've got a case for you.

They reach the top of the stairs and come onto an outdoor eating area with tables and food stands.

[311/0319.jpg]VERONICA: You're just like the rest of them, aren't you? You just want to use me for my skills and pay me for my time and effort.

MAX: Do I have an option of using you for your skills and not paying?

VERONICA: The friends-and-family plan...unfortunately, you're neither.

Veronica helps herself to a cup of something liquid from one of the stands.

MAX: Then I guess I'll pay. Here's the deal. The woman I love is getting married next week. I have no idea where or to who. I don't know her address, her phone number. I don't even know her last name.

Veronica drops some change into a pay-box and looks at Max curiously.

MAX: If you don't find her, I'm taking a bath with my blow-dryer.

Opening credits.


Veronica and Max continue walking through the piazza.

VERONICA: So we're straight, this girl you love: you don't know where she lives, who she's marrying, or, if I understand correctly, her name.

They reach and walks along a balcony.

MAX: I know her first name.

VERONICA: A triumph.

MAX: And she's from Poughkeepsie. She mentioned that.

VERONICA: How do I put this delicately? Does she know who you are?

MAX: Yes. We met at this convention thing. We got to talking. We hit it off. We ended up staying up all night in my hotel room talking about, you know, life, the big picture. We connected on some higher plane. Last names, at that point, seemed trivial.

VERONICA: Uh-huh, so, what was the convention? Is there actually
a fake-term-paper and stolen-test-provider union?

MAX: It was Comic-Con.

Veronica stops and Max turns to face her.

VERONICA: You didn't get all sweaty in your Wookiee suit, did you?

MAX: Yuk it up. You know, it's not all Trekkies and Star Wars nerds. I was there because Dave Gibbons has a new graphic novel that he scripted as well as drew.

[311/0520.jpg] Veronica starts walking again.

VERONICA: Sounds cooler now. So, about the one that got away, she was dressed as a Cylon, and you only knew her as Six, right?

MAX: Her name is Chelsea, and she was in regular clothes. And, yeah, after the Dave Gibbons thing, I may have drifted into the Battlestar Galactica session. And, yeah, that's where we met. And, okay, we started out talking about how the Cylon raiders on BSG look like Batman's car when it turns into a plane. But then...then we started talking about our crappy relationships with our parents and, and Chuck Klosterman and moral grayness.

VERONICA: And how when you see a plastic bag flying around, you think there's so much beauty in the world you can't take it?

MAX: You get the picture.

VERONICA: I do. Connection, higher plane. Then you frakked.

MAX: No, but sex was hardly the point. What we had was better. I took her to the airport in the morning. We were running late. She said she left me a note by my bed with all her information on it. By the time I got back to the room, housekeeping had been there, and the note was gone.

VERONICA: Are you sure she actually left it?

MAX: Positive.

They reach another external staircase and start down the stairs.

VERONICA: So, how do you know she's-

MAX: A few days ago, she sent me a text message. It said that she was giving up waiting for me to call, that her and her ex were getting back together and they're getting married.

VERONICA: So, why am I here?

MAX: Because I've got to stop her. She's only marrying him because I didn't call her back.

VERONICA: Well, if she sent you a text, then you've got her number. Call her and explain it all.

Max shakes his head.

MAX: I've called a bunch of times. Some guy answers, says he's never heard of Chelsea.

VERONICA: Can I see the text?

They reach the ground. Veronica stops again, turning to face Max.

MAX: I showed it to my roommate, and he accidentally erased it. I have the number the text came from, though.



Max opens the door to his room and Veronica follows him in.

MAX: Have a seat.

Max immediately goes to a small table to get the number.

VERONICA: No, thanks. It's easier to be nosy if I can mill about.

Veronica walks towards his computer, which is paging through photographs. She sees one of Max and two other guys. She recognises the room the picture was taken in.

[311/0640.jpg] VERONICA: You know Mac and Parker? This is their room.

MAX: Who?

As she watches, it changes to another picture taken in Mac and Parker's room of the three guys.

VERONICA: Uh, this photo.

MAX: No, that's from the around-the-world party. That's my roommate, Brian, and my friend, Fred. I think that room was supposed to be Canada, but it was kind of lame.


Max hands Veronica a post-it note.

MAX: Here's the number.

Veronica pulls her cell phone out of her back pocket.

VERONICA: Let's give it a shot.

She punches in the number. It rings.

PHONE GUY: [on phone] Yeah?

VERONICA: Hi, I'm sorry to bug you again, but my friend is trying to track down someone who sent him a text message from this phone.

PHONE GUY: [on phone] I told him, I don't know a Chelsea.

VERONICA: Yeah, but 845, can you tell me where that area code is from?

PHONE GUY: [on phone] Goshen, New York.

VERONICA: Is that near Poughkeepsie?

PHONE GUY: [on phone] About forty-three miles.

VERONICA: Is that where you are now? Maybe someone borrowed your cell phone.

PHONE GUY: [on phone] I didn't lend anyone my phone, and I'm not in Goshen. I go to college out in California.

VERONICA: Really? Where?


[311/0729.jpg] The phone guy, wearing a large, white apron, turns out to work at one of the concessions in the Food Court.

PHONE GUY: It's this tiny west coast liberal arts college no one's ever heard of: Hearst.

VERONICA: [on phone] Actually...


VERONICA: I've heard of it. Could you check your phone, see if the text message is still in your outbox?

PHONE GUY: [on phone] I just got it last month. I haven't quite learned all the features yet.

Veronica rolls her eyes.

[311/0740.jpg]VERONICA: Mind if I come check for myself?


PHONE GUY: How are you gonna do that?


VERONICA: Just tell me where you are. I'll handle the travel arrangements.


Music: "Never the Same Again" by Moonlight Towers.

LYRICS: Sometimes I get lost inside a world that's not my own
Why I try to go outside, I just can't get where I belong
Just because all the wheels keep turning
It doesn't mean that the fire still burns
It's never going to be the same again
It's never going to be the same again
It's never going to be the same-

Veronica is at the stand where the phone guy works and has his cell phone in her hands. She manipulates the buttons as he watches.

VERONICA: It's right here, under "messages." Just scroll down to "sent," and bingo. Here it is. "Max, I don't know why I haven't heard from you. I guess I was wrong about our night together."

PHONE GUY: I didn't send that.

VERONICA: When was the last time you were back east?

PHONE GUY: Christmas.

VERONICA: Maybe you were out on the town, a couple eggnogs to the wind, some sweet, young thing asks to borrow your-

Behind the phone guy, a fellow worker appears with a large tray, heading for the display case.

[311/0814.jpg]BRIAN: Hot stuff, coming through. And he's carrying a tray of muffins.

VERONICA: I know you.

The colleague is one of the guys in the picture with Max at the around-the-world party. He looks up at her, confused.

BRIAN: Uh...

VERONICA: You're Max's roommate, aren't you?

BRIAN: Yeah, I'm Brian. Hey.

VERONICA: Brian. Really?

He nods, still bemused.

VERONICA: You look more like a Chelsea.

His eyes dart as he stares at her guiltily. End music: "Never the Same Again" by Moonlight Towers.


Max opens the door of his room and smiles at the sight of Veronica. She hurries in.

MAX: News? Already?

She turns to face him as he shuts the door.

VERONICA: The glass-is-half-full version: Chelsea's not getting married.

Max is overjoyed.

MAX: Are you serious?

VERONICA: Yeah. The half-empty version is...she's a hooker.

[311/0840.jpg] Max is gobsmacked.

VERONICA: Brian and Fred, as demented as this sounds, thought you'd have more confidence with girls if you...lost your virginity.

Max is momentarily speechless and fights to get his voice back.

MAX: I'm gonna go kill my friends now, so if you could just leave me a bill.

VERONICA: The impression I got, they thought they were doing a good thing.

MAX: I'm sorry, but on what planet am I a sexual charity case? Like I haven't had opportunities? I've had opportunities, but I have standards. High standards.

Max, beside himself, sinks down onto the armchair next to his desk.

MAX: Maybe...maybe that's why they picked her, 'cause they could tell.

VERONICA: [gently] They didn't interview her, Max. They weren't matchmaking. They coached her. They told her you were a Battlestar fan. They gave her the "so say we all" t-shirt she was wearing. That line about the Cylon raiders looking like Batman's car; they fed her that.

MAX: What about the text message?

VERONICA: When they saw you pining, they wanted to find a way to put you out of your misery without...well, crushing you. Brian found out a guy he works with is from upstate New York. He swiped his phone, sent you a message as Chelsea saying goodbye so you'd get over her.

MAX: Can you still find her?

VERONICA: Um...yes. But she'll still be a prostitute.

MAX: I'm not stupid, Veronica. Okay, we had something. I know it.

Veronica sighs.

MAX: There's some things you can't fake.

VERONICA: There are some things women are universally known for faking, and this girl is a professional.

MAX: When I dropped her off at the airport, she had tears in her eyes.

VERONICA: Are you sure she wasn't thinking of the cab fare back?

Max gets to his feet.

MAX: Fine. Think what you want. The job was to find her, not tell me her occupation. [challenging] Are you gonna do it or not?


Veronica, Brian, still in his apron, and Fred, the other guy in the photo, walk into the Food Court.

FRED: He wants you to track her down?

He laughs.

FRED: You can't do this. I mean, you're just fuelling his fire. He's obsessed.

VERONICA: He thinks she's the one.

BRIAN: She's the first girl to touch where his bathing suit covers.

Fred chuckles.

BRIAN: Of course he thinks she's the one.

Brian pulls off the apron.

VERONICA: Actually, she's not.

Both look at her in astonishment.

BRIAN: He wasn't a virgin?

FRED: We spent five hundred each on a hooker, and he wasn't a virgin?

VERONICA: No, you spent five hundred each, and he's still a virgin.

Brian and Fred exchange a WTF?! look.

BRIAN: Okay, she better have done some crazy, like, circus act.

VERONICA: They talked and connected.

Veronica finds an empty table and sits down.

BRIAN: This is the worst moment of my life.

The guys sit down.

[311/1110.jpg]FRED: Well, he didn't say anything. We just figured he's one of those gentlemen guys who doesn't talk about it.

BRIAN: Wait, is that why he wants you to find her, 'cause he wants to sleep with her?

VERONICA: No. I mean, he probably does want to sleep with her, but mainly, he thinks they have a connection.

BRIAN: You definitely told him she was a hooker?

Veronica nods.

VERONICA: I think he needs to see it for himself. A little brutal truth. So, how did you find her?

The guys glance at each other.


Veronica is on the computer at Fred's desk. Brian and Fred stand next to her, leaning down against the desk to view the screen. On screen is the home page for "The Erotic Critique." The O in "Erotic" incorporates the symbols for both male and female. Under the banner, are a number of subheadings under which there are short paragraphs: "Welcome to the Erotic Critique - Glad you've finally arrived, we've been expecting you. Community - All reviews, both individual and service, are exhaustive and.... Premium Access - As a Premium Client you have complete access to the site..."

VERONICA: A hooker search engine. What will you boys come up with next?

Brian smiles and Fred chuckles, a little uncomfortable but nonetheless proud of themselves.

VERONICA: Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea. And thar she blows. One Chelsea.

[311/1143.jpg] On the screen are the details for a male escort/massager/role player, dressed as a woman in one picture and au natural sans makeup in a second. His "agency" is Forbidden Fruits and his city is Tierrasanta.

VERONICA: That explains why Chelsea was into comic books. Chelsea's a dude.

FRED: That's not her.

BRIAN: They change their working names all the time.

VERONICA: Great. There are only 18,731 escorts listed on the site.
Much as I'd like to peruse their pages individually...

BRIAN: Try narrowing the search by preference.

Veronica looks at Brian quizzically.

BRIAN: You know: hair colour, height, bondage preferences.

VERONICA: You know Max's preference?

FRED: Hey, that's easy. Yeah, we just described Milla Jovovich with a b-cup.

BRIAN: And found one into role-playing.

VERONICA: How very Weird Science. Let's see.

Veronica taps some keys. She gets to the page where preferences are entered, for example, under "Hair Color," some of the options include "bleached" and "blonde," under "Breast Size," "non-existant," "tiny," "normal," "full," and "luscious."

VERONICA: It's like a Zagat Guide for hookers. How did people find sex before there was an internet? Whoa, overall looks we've got everything from "model material" to "tripple bagger."

There are ten choices under this category: "Tripple Bagger [sic], Transient, Horney [sic], OK if Wasted, Plain, Attractive, Head Turner, Hottie, Gorgeous, Model Material."

VERONICA: I can only assume...

She hits "Type of Experience" and the dropdown menu offers a series of acronyms: "DRE, GFE, PSE..."


BRIAN: Girlfriend experience.

VERONICA: She has to be an experienced girlfriend?

BRIAN: It's the type of experience you want her to have. You want it to be like she's your girlfriend, it's a GFE, girl friend experience. But if you want to act like you're in a porn, it's a PSE: porn-star experience.

Fred smirks and nods his head.

VERONICA: Is there a reality experience, where she reminds the guy she's only there because he's paying her?

The boys have the grace to look momentarily abashed.

VERONICA: Okay, boys, let's find that hooker.

Veronica submits the preference information. The detailed search returns two candidates, Lizette and Fiona. There is a near full-body picture of each, although their faces are blurred. Lizette is listed as "Provider, Southern California." Both girls are described identically: "Available, Escort/Massage, Outcall, Day/Nighttime, Agency, Petite, 5'0-5'4", 18-24, Blonde, Short (hair length), Brown Eyes, Full Lips, 32-36 Breasts, A to B Cup, White, Model Material, GFE."

VERONICA: From 18,000 down to two. Your attention to detail has served us well, young Jedis. So, which blurry-faced, fatherless girl is she?

The boys peer at the screen, uncertain.

FRED: Pink bikini, maybe?

BRIAN: I don't know. I think the one we picked had a longer torso.

Veronica's brow furrows at their indecision.


Keith is sitting on the couch, writing notes furiously. Veronica enters the apartment. On Keith's failure to react or greet her, she shuts the door with a little force.

VERONICA: I come home after a hard day at work, and there you are, lounging with your bonbons and your Harper's Bazaar. There better be some freshly pressed shirts in my closet, or so help me.

Keith just sighs and looks at her.

VERONICA: What? You got nothing?

He shrugs.

[311/1352.jpg]KEITH: Hmm. Maybe I'm not in the mood.

VERONICA: [demanding] Amuse me, damn it. Amuse me now.

With little enthusiasm, Keith does a literal song-and-dance, albeit still sitting.

KEITH: [singing] I finally got the police report on the dean's suicide.

He ends with his arms outstretched. Veronica gazes at him sadly.

VERONICA: That needs work.

Keith drops his arms.

VERONICA: Did the report say anything about the dean's office getting egged?

KEITH: Nope, but then again, it looks like it was done by a tenth grader. I swear it might as well have heavy-metal band logos sketched in the margins.

Keith slaps the police report down on the coffee table in disgust.

VERONICA: There are these girls from Lilith House, activists with a real grudge against the Greeks.

Veronica gets herself a bottle of water from the fridge.

VERONICA: They hated the dean. One of them, Nish, was the editor at the newspaper. When O'Dell fired her, she swore he'd regret it. They went on an egging spree the night of his suicide, protesting him reinstating the Greeks.

KEITH: Do you mind talking to them?

VERONICA: Yeah, I think I've dipped into that well one too many times. They're not big Veronica fans.

She sinks into the armchair next to him.

VERONICA: I think you're probably gonna have to handle this one yourself. If you go undercover as a student, no Daniel Boone jacket, no peace signs. The times, they have a-changed.

Keith gets up from the couch, tapping her on the knee as he does.

KEITH: Will you be home for dinner?

VERONICA: No, I'm meeting two hookers over at Logan's later.

Keith, heading for the kitchen, pauses in surprise and turns to stare at her.

KEITH: On a school night?

VERONICA: Off-peak hours. Save a few bucks.

Keith isn't sure how serious she is.

KEITH: You're not really.

VERONICA: Fiona and Lizette. They're just a couple of gals putting themselves through college.

Keith stares at her, genuinely concerned. Veronica grins and gets up from the chair to go to her room.

VERONICA: Man, quit bringing me down with your bourgeois hang-ups.

Keith chuckles uncertainly.


Veronica and Logan enter the suite. Veronica has a bag of take-out food.

LOGAN: Hey, should we have gotten more for the hookers?

Logan shuts the door behind them as Veronica digs in the bag and pulls out a hamburger. She passes it to Logan.

VERONICA: As I understand it, they prefer the term "escorts."


She gets out her burger, throwing the bag on the ottoman and they sit on the couch, facing each other.

[311/1536.jpg]VERONICA: So, have you...ever been with one?

LOGAN: An escort?


LOGAN: Do we really want to go there?

VERONICA: I guess we don't have to now.

LOGAN: Come on, that wasn't me answering the question.

VERONICA: It kinda was.

Logan gives a dismissive, high-pitched laugh.

LOGAN: No, it wasn't. That was me knowing there's a land mine and trying to figure out where to put my foot.

VERONICA: Well, I guess you picked your spot. Look, why not dispel any romantic notions? If we see each other, warts and all, and still like each other, that's a real connection.

LOGAN: Well, maybe I enjoy my romantic notions. Maybe I don't care to see any warts, you know, yours or mine. Now you see, you're smiling, all right, so I think it's all fun and safe, but it's a slippery slope from "Have you ever been" to "How many" and "How often."

VERONICA: So you've been with multiple hookers on several occasions.

LOGAN: I'm not having this conversation with you.

Logan turns his body away from her. Further discussion is forestalled by a knock at the door. Veronica gets up to answer it. It's Max. Veronica, with her mouth full, just steps aside to let Max in. Logan, also chewing, stands.

VERONICA: Logan, Max. Max, Logan.

Logan nods and smirks at Max. Veronica takes another bite of her hamburger as Max stands there, increasingly uncomfortable under Logan's gaze.

MAX: Yeah, I-I didn't know she was a hooker at the time that-

LOGAN: No one's judging, man.

Logan smiles. Cut to later. Sense and Sensibility is playing on the television.

ELINOR DASHWOOD: As you know, we are looking for a new home. And when we leave, we shall be able to retain only Thomas and Betsy.

Veronica and Logan are sitting at one end of the couch, watching. Max is in the corner where the L-shaped couch turns. Veronica looks towards the suite's door anxiously. She checks the time on her phone and sighs impatiently. Logan notices.

LOGAN: What, you think hookers are known for their punctuality?

MAX: Where's your bathroom?

Logan points in the direction of the bedroom. As he goes, there's a knock at the door. Veronica gets to her feet, followed quickly by Logan.

LOGAN: It's wrong that I'm nervous, right?

Veronica smiles and heads for the door. Logan precedes her as she waits behind him. Logan turns to check that she's ready. She nods, he nods back, and then opens the door. A girl in a deep-V-necked, glittering top and tight hip-hugging miniskirt smiles brightly.

LIZETTE: Hey, there.

She holds out her hand to be kissed.

LIZETTE: I'm Lizette.

LOGAN: Hello. Welcome to my place.

Logan stands aside for her to enter.

LIZETTE: Thank you.

She's happily concentrating on him and it takes a moment for her to see Veronica.

LIZETTE: Oh! Well, hey, there, to you, too. I'm totally up for it, guys, but, um, it's gonna cost you extra, right?

Veronica frowns at her as Max appears behind her.

MAX: That's not her.

It's Lizette's turn to frown.

[311/1741.jpg]VERONICA: Sorry, Lizette. Looks like we're gonna have to reschedule. Pay the girl, Max.

LOGAN: If we're paying her anyway...


Veronica shakes her heads at Logan. Max hands Lizette an envelope, putting the smile back on her face.

MAX: Sorry, I was looking for someone else.

She snatches it and shrugs.

LIZETTE: I'll live.

She spins round and heads for the door.

LOGAN: This is just wasteful.

Logan opens the door for her.

LOGAN: Thanks.

At the door is another girl, about to knock. Lizette leaves and the second girl smiles.

FIONA: Hey, there. I'm Fiona.

Max gasps.

MAX: Chelsea.

Fiona/Chelsea looks into the room and is stunned to see Max.

FIONA/CHELSEA: Oh, my God. Max, is that you?!

She runs to him and they hug tightly.


Logan and Veronica watch. Logan beams. Cut to a little later. Sense and Sensibility is still playing. Fiona/Chelsea and Max are paying no attention as they make out on the short end of the L-shaped sofa. Veronica looks over at them and sighs. Logan leans in to grab some popcorn out of the microwave bag on her lap.

LOGAN: [softly, to Veronica] This is nice. We should hang out with your friends more. [louder, to Fiona/Chelsea] So, Fiona, where are you from, originally?

[311/1841.jpg] Fiona breaks off from kissing Max.

FIONA/CHELSEA: Uh, actually, um, this is a bit awkward, but my name is really Wendy.

MAX: Really? Wendy. I like it.

They start kissing again.

VERONICA: You guys need a refill...or a room?

MAX: We're good. Thanks.

Max is happy to ignore Logan and Veronica and carry on kissing, but Wendy has better manners and breaks off.

WENDY: Oh, sorry. I guess we're being pretty rude. It's just...I never thought I'd see Max again.


WENDY: God, I was such a girl when he dropped me off at the airport, all misty and dramatic.

MAX: I missed the misty?

Max laughs.

WENDY: When he was leaving, I felt this rush. I thought about everything that led to that moment. Um, all the choices that I made that got me to that exact spot, that exact time...how, if I made different ones, I could be with this sweet guy who was dropping me off at the airport, all teary-eyed.

Max blusters.

MAX: Well, I-I mean...I wasn't teary-eyed.

Wendy nods to contradict him with a smile.

MAX: I hadn't slept much, and, you know, my eyes were...


They start kissing again. There's a knock at the door.

VERONICA: Three to one, Dick forgot his key card again.



Logan reaches for the popcorn and takes the bag out of Veronica's lap so she can get the door. She opens it and looks at the guest with horror. Madison Sinclair looks back at her with disdain.

VERONICA: Madison.

MADISON: Oh. It's you. So, are you and Logan, like, dating again, or are you hotel staff?

Without waiting to be invited, Madison struts into the suite. Veronica gives a fake laugh.

VERONICA: Did somebody order a PSE? Dick's not here.

MADISON: Hey, Logan.

Logan looks up. He's not thrilled to see Madison.


MADISON: So, uh, what are you kids up to tonight?

Logan looks over at Max and Wendy.

LOGAN: Oh, same old, same old.

MADISON: Well, this looks like super fun, but I should probably go do something that doesn't suck.

She spins on her heel, passing Veronica to get to the door. She looks back.

MADISON: [sarcastically] Don't party too hard, you guys.

Veronica shuts the door behind her and walks back into the room, breathing fire.

WENDY: Friend of yours?

VERONICA: No, Madison is pretty much the physical embodiment of all things I loathe. If Dick starts dating her again, you're gonna need to get a different roommate.

Logan doesn't respond.


Keith slides back the door of his wardrobe and reaches in. He pulls out something hanging in a suit bag. Cut to a few moments later when he's dressed. He's wearing his old uniform, considering his appearance in front of a mirror. Veronica arrives at the door to his room.

VERONICA: Morning. Whatcha doing?

KEITH: Just getting dressed for work.

VERONICA: Wait. You're missing something.

[311/2115.jpg] She disappears only to return with a portable CD player that she hands him with a flourish.

VERONICA: Now, remember, when you rip off the breakaway pants, thrust your pelvis toward the bachelorette, okay?

She illustrates.

VERONICA: It's her special day.

Veronica walks off. Keith looks at the player then drops it down to his side. He turns back to the mirror and sighs.


Claire, her hair grown out enough to look like a short cut, opens the door to her apartment and is immediately worried by the sight before her.

KEITH: Claire Nordhouse?


KEITH: Mind if I ask you a few questions?

Fern appears at Claire's side.

FERN: I'm sorry. What is this about?

KEITH: Just a few questions, ma'am. Do you mind if I come in?

Keith doesn’t wait for an invitation, pushing past them both into the flat.

KEITH: You're Fern Delgado?

FERN: Yeah. What are you doing here?

Fern shuts the door behind him. Claire and Fern stay by the door as Keith turns to face them.

KEITH: Oh, just following upon some things from the night Cyrus O'Dell died.

CLAIRE: The dean?

KEITH: Right. Dean O'Dell. The night he died, someone egged his office.

FERN: [scoffs] So that's a crime now.

KEITH: Always has been. So, you did it?

FERN: I didn't say that.

KEITH: Okay, well, I am. I'm saying you girls egged the dean's office the same night you were out egging the Lampoon office and various other campus hotspots. So I'd like to ask you a few questions about it.

CLAIRE: So, what? You think a few eggs -- and I'm not saying we threw them -- made the dean up and kill himself?

Keith takes a step towards them.

KEITH: Actually, we believe the dean was murdered.

The girls glance at each other in shock.

KEITH: So, what I think is that you guys were in the area when this happened. You were known to carry a grudge against the man.

CLAIRE: Hold on. We didn't kill anyone.

KEITH: Who's "we"? Who else was on this little egg adventure?

FERN: It was just us.

KEITH: Just the two of you. No one else?

CLAIRE: And...Nish.

FERN: No she wasn't. Nish was not with us when we egged the dean's office.

KEITH: But she was with you when you egged the Lampoon office and the statue. Interesting. So, where was she?

Fern sighs. Keith gets more aggressive.

KEITH: When you were outside his office, throwing eggs at his window, where was your friend Nish?

[311/2237.jpg] The girls look at each other, as if to decide something. Keith wags a finger at them.

KEITH: Don't look at each other and don't you dare lie. Where'd she go? Would you rather talk at the station, with your lawyer?

Nish emerges from the room next to the kitchen.

NISH: What, are you kidding?

Keith turns around to face Nish.

NISH: Mr. Mars? Is this some kind of a joke? He's not a cop. He used to be. He's a private eye. Do you two ever watch the news?

KEITH: Nish, you were out egging buildings the night the dean died, but you weren't with them when they egged the dean's office. Where were you?

NISH: First of all, I don't have to say anything. And second of all, I'm pretty sure what you're doing right now is illegal. But I'll tell you. What the hell, I got nothing to hide. I went around and egged the dean's car.

KEITH: His car.

NISH: That Volvo that he loved so much.

FERN: He says the dean was murdered.

Nish stares at Keith, defiant, disbelieving, and thoughtful.

[311/2339.jpg] EXT - NEPTUNE STREET - DAY.

Music: "Yeah!" by the Golden Dogs.


Lamb pulls up at a junction, rocking to the music. A dark car pulls up beside him. He glances over and sees that Keith is the driver. He glances at him with indifference, not immediately noticing that Keith is wearing the uniform of the Neptune County Sheriff's Department. He finally does a double-take. Keith gives him a casual salute, checks the lights and drives off, leaving Lamb standing and befuddled. End music: "Yeah!" by the Golden Dogs.


Max opens the door of his room to Veronica.

VERONICA: I got your text.

She walks in and sees some of Wendy's underwear on the bed.

VERONICA: I take it your connection with Wendy has found an even higher plane?

MAX: I want to hire you again. Make Wendy disappear. I guess she needs a new ID, a new name, someone to close out her old apartment.

VERONICA: Max, you think maybe this is all too fast? I'll admit, I was surprised. She seemed to be really fond of you, but-

Wendy, now looking like a college student, enters the rooms with a bag full of stuff. She sees Veronica.

MAX: Veronica's gonna help us.

WENDY: Oh, my God. Thank you. That's the thing about being a working girl. Easy to break into, not so easy to get out of. It's not like I'm one of the big earners, but I have this client, a judge.

VERONICA: Ooh, a judge? Which one?

WENDY: Cramer.

VERONICA: No freaking way! My dad busted him for taking bribes, and the old bastard still got re-elected.

WENDY: He is the kinkiest out of all my clients. No sex, he just likes to sneak me into his office at the courthouse.

Max listens with increasing discomfort.

[311/2441.jpg]WENDY: All he wants to do is have tickle fights and walk around in my shoes.

VERONICA: [disgusted] Och!

Wendy glances at Max and senses his feelings. She looks down at the floor. Max does his best to recover. He puts his arm around her.

MAX: Well, you don't have to worry about him stretching out your shoes anymore.

She smiles and snuggles into his neck.

WENDY: Mm-hmm.

MAX: [to Veronica] Whatever it costs.

Veronica nods.


Logan responds to an urgent knock at the door. He smile fades as he sees the hooker standing there. She's one not seen before, with dark hair. She has a black eye and blood coming from her mouth. She puts her hand wearily against the doorframe.

[311/2459.jpg]NICKI: Where's Wendy?

Logan gazes at her in shock. Cut to later. Nicki is on the couch, a washcloth and what looks like a bag of frozen peas pressed to her eye. Wendy is sitting next to her.

NICKI: If you don't come back with me and with a thousand dollars for your time last night, Mr. Happyfists is gonna play connect the bruises on me.

Max, sitting the other side of Wendy, leans forward with determination.

MAX: She's not going back. [to Wendy] We're getting you away from this.

Veronica and Logan are sitting at the other end of the couch, quietly watching.

NICKI: Yeah, please, get her away from this so I can get my ass kicked a little more.

WENDY: [gently] Max, I have to go back.

MAX: Let me talk to your pimp, explain things. I-I have a head for business.

Nicki scoffs.

NICKI: You'll end up with a head for a hood ornament.

WENDY: There's no other way, Max. I have to go. It was a great night, wasn't it? Maybe my best night ever.

Max reaches into his pocket and pulls out an envelope.

MAX: This was supposed to be for paying you, but...it's a thousand, right?

Nicki grabs the envelope.

[311/2549.jpg]NICKI: Yeah, a thousand.

MAX: Hey, we'll figure something out, okay?

Wendy nods, close to tears.

NICKI: Come on, Wendy. We got to go.

Nicki grasps Wendy's arms and pulls her from the sofa. Max falls back against the corner, distraught. Cut to later still. Veronica, in Logan's bedroom, slowly open the door to the sitting area to reveal Max, still sitting on the couch.

LOGAN: Is he still out there?

Logan is sitting on the bed behind her.

VERONICA: He hasn't moved.

Logan sighs, completely fed up.

LOGAN: That's it. I'm kicking him out.

VERONICA: No, let me talk to him.

Logan sighs again but complies, and closes the door behind her as she moves over to Max. She perches on the edge of the couch near him.

VERONICA: You'll always have Comic-Con.

Max looks at her but doesn't respond.

VERONICA: For what little it's worth, I was totally wrong. You and Wendy do have something. You two are great together, and I'm sorry.

She takes a deep breath.

VERONICA: And this just plain sucks.

Max just sighs.

VERONICA: That was my useless speech. I will now busy myself by bringing you a glass of water.

Veronica gets up and grabs the washcloth and peas from the table to take them with her. She looks down at them and pauses. She spins around. She takes another deep breath.

[311/2652.jpg]VERONICA: Max?

He looks up. She holds up the washcloth. It has a large purple splodge on it.

MAX: So? She wears makeup.

VERONICA: It's purple makeup. The bruise was a fake. You've been had. They duped you. Nicki didn't get worked over by her pimp. She and Wendy just conned you out of a grand.

MAX: That's crazy.

VERONICA: Crazy? She screws people for money, Max. That's what she does.

Max is gutted. Veronica softens her approach and drops down onto the couch.

VERONICA: I'm sorry. That wasn't-

MAX: No, I'm an idiot.

VERONICA: You're not. From where I stand, Wendy's the idiot. And now we must crush her.

She ponders.

VERONICA: How to make the happy hooker not so happy.

Cut to later still. Veronica is on her cell phone.

VERONICA: Got it. Thanks.

She finishes her call and waves her notebook, satisfied.

VERONICA: Judge High Heels' home phone.

LOGAN: This is a bad idea.

VERONICA: It's blackmail. It's the go-to idea. In case of emergency, break glass or blackmail.

LOGAN: Uh, excuse me if I can't get jazzed about my girlfriend extorting a judge.

VERONICA: Look, I'm not doing a back handspring about it either, but I'm getting Max his thousand dollars back, and I'm taking away Wendy's best client. It works on so many levels.

MAX: You don't have to do this.

Logan glances back, knowing how wrong he is.

VERONICA: I'll use your cell phone. They won't be able to trace the call back to me.

[311/2821.jpg] As Max walks forward to hand over his phone, Logan sighs unhappily. Veronica makes the call.

VERONICA: Judge Cramer. You don't know me, but I know a lot about you. No, really I do. I know you're a judge. I know you have a weekly date with a hooker at the courthouse and that you have a proclivity for high heels and tickling. All I need is a thousand dollars to keep quiet. Get a locker at the Neptune bus station. Leave the money. Call me with the locker number and passcode. You have twenty-four hours.

Veronica ends the call abruptly and hands the phone back to Max.

MAX: Well, I guess I should get out of your guys' hair, go mope around my dorm. Thank you.

Max exits. Veronica walks towards Logan and puts her arms around his neck.

VERONICA: I can't believe I had to blackmail a judge just to get some alone time with you.

LOGAN: You really don't have to work that hard.

VERONICA: Sure, I do.

Logan gives her a brief a peck on the lips and smiles. And later still... Music: "A Thousand Kisses Deep" by Leonard Cohen.

LYRICS: The ponies run, the girls are young
The odds are there to beat
You win a while, and then it’s done
Your little winning streak
And summoned now to deal
With your invincible defeat
You live your life as if it’s real,
A thousand kisses deep
I’m turning tricks, I’m getting fixed
I’m back on Boogie Street
You lose your grip, and then you slip
Into the masterpiece
And maybe I had miles to drive
And promises to keep
You ditch it all to stay alive,
A thousand kisses deep
And sometimes when the night is slow
The wretched and the meek
We gather up our hearts and go
A thousand kisses deep
Confined to sex, we pressed against
The limits of the sea

[311/2916.jpg] Veronica and Logan are in bed. Logan's arm is resting around Veronica's waist and she is pulled up against his body.

VERONICA: You know, if I were a hooker, this snuggle would cost you.

LOGAN: I'll gladly pay.


LOGAN: For this? Cash money.

Veronica twist around to face him.

VERONICA: But seriously, folks...have you?

LOGAN: What? Ever been with a hooker?

Veronica nods.

LOGAN: Why does it matter?

VERONICA: I just want to know. I assume the answer is yes. Look at it as an opportunity for me to show you how cool I can be. "Hooker? Who cares?"

LOGAN: Well, here's your chance to be cool. Stop asking.

VERONICA: I just want to get to a place with you where we can be really...intimate.

LOGAN: That's what the female praying mantis says before she bites the male's head off.

VERONICA: I'm just saying, buried secrets tend to surface when I'm around.

Logan reaches out to briefly touch her face.

LOGAN: Maybe that's because of all the digging, huh?

VERONICA: I'm giving you the chance right now to come clean. You tell all. I tell all. Go from there.

LOGAN: Hm, fine. Ask away. Ask anything you want.

VERONICA: Have you ever been with a hooker?


She smiles. He smiles and then laughs at her smile.

VERONICA: You want to ask me anything?

LOGAN: Have you ever been with a hooker?

VERONICA: [impatiently] No.


Logan sighs, gearing up for the next question.

VERONICA: The night you were in Mexico with Mercer-

LOGAN: Are you kidding me?

This cuts him and he turns away from her to stare at the ceiling.

VERONICA: How was he able to get back to Neptune, commit a rape, and return to Mexico without you knowing?

Logan thinks. He sighs.

LOGAN: Uh...I must have passed out. I don't know, it felt like a couple minutes, but it could have been hours. Although, maybe he drugged me or something.

He turns back to her, although he still seems to be thinking about it.

VERONICA: Your question.

LOGAN: You can have my turn.

Veronica smiles.

VERONICA: Were you with anyone while we were broken up?

LOGAN: Land mine.

Veronica holds her breath.

LOGAN: I fooled around with this horrible girl who meant less than nothing to me, and I couldn't regret it more.

Veronica twists around to take her turn at staring at the ceiling.

LOGAN: Thinking of it makes me ill.

Logan also takes to staring at the ceiling.

LOGAN: So, there. Presto. Intimacy.

A long moment passes.

LOGAN: [with dread] Still love me?

A slow smile spreads across Veronica's face.


Logan takes a deep breath of relief and looks over at her. They reach for each other and kiss deeply.


Veronica is eating a bowl of cereal. Her cell phone rings. End music: "A Thousand Kisses Deep" by Leonard Cohen. Veronica answers the phone.



Max is pacing in his room.

MAX: Judge Cramer called. He dropped off the money. Feel like coming with me to pick it up?


Veronica grins.

VERONICA: The pickup is the best part. I'll meet you in twenty minutes.

Veronica grabs her bowl.


Veronica opens a locker as Max watches. The locker is empty except for a folded sheet of paper. Veronica takes it out of the locker and opens it out. It reads: "Go outside. Get in the limo. Or Wendy gets hurt." Veronica and Max share a worried look before hurrying out of the bus station.

[311/3243.jpg] EXT - NEPTUNE BUS STATION - DAY.

They walk out to see a long, black limo waiting. A man deserving of the credit writer's descriptive title, Imposing Guy, is waiting by the limo. When he sees them, he opens the door. Max walks towards him and gets in without hesitation. Veronica, on the other hand, hesitates on the wisdom of this action.


His voice is deep and threatening, and Veronica actually trembles. She gets in. The limo, bearing the number WER9878, drives away.


The car pulls into a nearly empty car park by what looks like a train station.

VERONICA: [offscreen] Okay, look, maybe calling the judge wasn't a great idea, but one of your girls ripped off my friend, and we were just trying to get his money back.


The limo is the inverse of Doctor Who's Tardis - smaller on the inside than on the outside. Veronica and Max are sitting on a seat with their back to the driver. Imposing Guy is wedged between them, barely fitting in the car and crushing them both against the doors on either side.

VERONICA: So, could you let us out of the car now? Lesson learned.

Veronica has been addressing a large black man opposite, as wide as Imposing Guy is tall.

HAPPY: Not me. Her.

He nods at the woman next to him.

[311/3330.jpg]VERONICA: Her?

MADAME: Me. I'm the one who gets called when one of my girls does something dumb.

VERONICA: You mean you're the-

MADAME: I'm Wendy's agent.

The man has Veronica's bags and pulls out the taser. He turns it on and the charge buzzes across it.

HAPPY: I don't think this is street legal. What's the voltage on this?

MADAME: [impatiently] Put it down, Happy.

VERONICA: Wait, there really is a Mr. Happyfists? I thought that was just colourful language.

MAX: Look, Wendy didn't do anything dumb, okay? I did. I called the judge.

MADAME: I don't think you did. He said it was a girl's voice. And Wendy has done a bunch of dumb things. She fell for a client.

This causes Max's brows to rise.

MADAME: She tried to leave me without saying goodbye. She told a client about the judge.

MAX: I'm sorry. Did you say she fell for a client?

MADAME: She asked out. But there's a problem, you see. Wendy owes me money. Braces aren't cheap. Tattoo removal isn't cheap. Clothes and housing aren't cheap. Now, she could work it off-

MAX: I'll pay.

MADAME: You're a hell of a negotiator, Max. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

The madame thinks for a moment.

MADAME: Ten grand and a promise that you never talk to another one of my clients again. And next time, I won't go the makeup route with the bruises.

She smiles at Veronica.

MADAME: They're gonna be the real thing.

VERONICA: Max, think about this.

MAX: Fine. Ten grand. You want to run me by my bank?

Veronica drops her head back against the seat, discouraged.


Max and Veronica walk down the hallway, heading for Max's room.

[311/3506.jpg]VERONICA: You just handed over a hundred hundred dollar bills.

MAX: Yeah, I was there.

VERONICA: And what guarantee do you have that-

Max pulls to halt once round the corner. Veronica stops mid-sentence. Wendy is crouched by Max's door. She has her bags with her. She looks over and sees them. She stands, uncertain of her reception. Max runs to her and they hug. Veronica watches, her cynicism challenged once again. They kiss as Veronica watches.


Max is at one of the stands. He looks back, a goofy grin on his face and gives a little wave. Wendy, sitting at one of the tables with Veronica, waves back with a big smile on her face.

VERONICA: That boy is smitten.

WENDY: Yeah, isn't he great?

VERONICA: Yeah, pretty great. So, what is the secret to making a guy fall for you like that?

WENDY: Dumb luck...and interesting lingerie. Never underestimate the power of lingerie.

WEEVIL: Yo, Veronica.

Veronica looks up to see Weevil approaching the table, bursting with news.

WEEVIL: I'm sorry. I got to tell somebody about this. You're never gonna guess what somebody tried to flush down the commode in the faculty lounge.

Veronica shakes her head just as Weevil notices that she's not alone.

[311/3538.jpg]WEEVIL: Hey, I-I know you.

VERONICA: Weevil, this is Wendy.

WEEVIL: Fiona, right?

Max arrives at the table, behind and unnoticed by Weevil.

WEEVIL: You used to dance at the Electric Lady. My buddy was a bouncer up there.

WENDY: You must be thinking of someone else.

WEEVIL: No, I don't think so. You have a tattoo, red dragon, left cheek. Am I right?

VERONICA: [sharply] Weevil, you got the wrong girl.

Weevil is about to argue, but one look at Veronica's face stops him. He looks back, sees Max, and finally gets it.

WEEVIL: Yeah, yeah, you're right. I'm sorry about that. See you around, V.

Max and Wendy share an uncomfortable glance.


Keith walks into Veronica's room, carrying the police report into O'Dell's death. Veronica, reading and curled up on her bed, looks up.

[311/3632.jpg]VERONICA: Man, you just love that report.

KEITH: Your buddy Nish said specifically that she egged the dean's Volvo, but according to the report, the dean was driving the minivan. That's the car they found in the parking lot.

VERONICA: So, Nish is lying?

KEITH: Or maybe the dean's Volvo was also there.

Keith sits down on the bed.

KEITH: That's the car Mindy was driving that night. Maybe she paid a visit to her husband.

VERONICA: Why wouldn't she mention that to you?

KEITH: That's exactly what I'm wondering.


Music: "Wheels" by Mark Lanegan.

LYRICS: Light ahead, proves that the wheels broke down
Here I am, still hangin' on
Well alright
Shadows only disappear
Just look around there's no one here
A little spirit turned my light on out and now
Can never be no doubt
I'm gonna wait til the stars come down
My little love smiles on a wing
For all a raindrop and tears not wasted there
Been pourin' down all day
Runnin' round catchin' 'em baby
Run around catchin' 'em baby
Whichever way they fall
Won't stop lovin' you baby
Whichever way you go
Oh yeah
Here I am
Here I am
Just runnin' round catchin' 'em
Whichever way they fall
All night long

Max is sitting in his armchair, reading. One foot is up on the desk chair between Wendy's legs. She is painting his toenails. She pauses and looks up at him.

WENDY: Are you okay?

MAX: Yeah. Why?

WENDY: You've just been quiet. That's all.

MAX: It's just-it's just, I have to have this read by Tuesday.

WENDY: Yeah, that's fine.

She gives a nervous little laugh. He goes back to his reading, but with it preying on his mind, he looks up at her instead.

MAX: There was a dragon on your purse the first time we met. I guess you're a fan of dragons.

WENDY: [sadly] Yeah. I like dragons.

[311/3719.jpg] Further discourse is halted by a knock on the door. Brian walks in. Fred is with him. Brian stops short on seeing the scenario before him and looks back at Fred. They snigger. Brian looks back at Max.

BRIAN: Uh, Stewpot warning. He's sniffing around.

MAX: Thanks.

WENDY: Who's Stewpot?

BRIAN: Stewart Potter, our RA. I think he saw you with the bags. He can be a pain.

WENDY: Thanks for letting me hang out. It will just be a couple days. I just need to find a place, get a job.

BRIAN: I might actually know of a job.

WENDY: Really?

FRED: Yeah, that's what we came to see you about.

BRIAN: My older brother is getting married next Saturday, and the guy organising his bachelor party has this really uptight wife, so they didn't book a stripper.

Wendy's face falls in disappointment.

BRIAN: We're scrambling to get someone. Um, it should be a good gig. They're all, like, lawyers.

MAX: [angrily] Hey, dudes! That's my girl you're talking to.

WENDY: And I'm retired, actually.

BRIAN: Of course. Of course. I'm sorry. I didn't know what the story was. It's cool. We can find somebody else.

Brian and Fred hurry out. Wendy sits with her head hanging down as Max puts down his book.

MAX: Do you mind if I ask you a question?

WENDY: Probably. But go ahead.

MAX: When I dropped you off at the airport and you said you left all your information back at the hotel? I got back and the room was clean. So, I guess my question is, uh, did-did you really leave it for me?

He swallows hard.

MAX: Was it really there?

With tears welling in her eyes, Wendy shakes her head.


Max nods.

WENDY: But I really wish I left it.

This doesn't assuage Max's feelings. It's all too much and he makes an excuse.

MAX: I think I'm gonna take a walk.

He walks out of the room. A tear trickles down Wendy's cheek.


End music: "Wheels" by Mark Lanegan. Veronica is working behind the help desk. Max arrives.

MAX: I haven't paid you yet. I don't want you to come collecting.

VERONICA: If it isn't the Man of La Mancha. How's tricks?

Veronica realises her poor choice of words.

VERONICA: Sorry. I mean things. How are things?

MAX: Things? They suck. Wendy left. The upside? I actually got a note this time. She said it wasn't gonna work out.

VERONICA: You bought her out of prostitution, and she left you? Please tell me you don't want me to find her again.

MAX: No, no. I think she may be right. She said, uh, what'd she say? She said, uh...

He pulls a note out of his back pocket and reads it.

MAX: "The-the day we met was one of the best days of my life. I-I fell for you that day, but you didn't know what I was then, and now you do and it shows in the way you look at me. It shows in the way you touch me but I'll never regret it. You made me realise what I was missing. Love, Wendy."

VERONICA: Ten thousand is a lot to pay for a life lesson.

MAX: She's gonna pay me back as soon as she can, Veronica.

Veronica can't believe his faith in her.

VERONICA: Max, please don't get your hopes up.

Max pulls out a large stuffed envelope and slaps it down on the counter.

MAX: She already paid me a thousand.

[311/4040.jpg] Veronica opens the envelope. It is full of money.

MAX: She made some good money last night. I hope you don't mind getting your money in vertically folded singles.

Veronica sighs at the implication of how Wendy is making her money. She comes round to his side of the counter.


She puts her arm around him.


Veronica walks through the shop carrying a couple of teddies on hangers.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: I heard it from a pro. Lingerie. Maybe I should get into the spirit of doing things normal girlfriends do. I should make more of an effort to please my man. First comes sexy underthings.

She lays them on the counter, a little nervously. She is startled by the sound of a hateful voice as Madison comes out of one of the dressing rooms near the counter.

MADISON: Um, do you have the thigh-highs with the seams up the back?

VERONICA: I think I saw some between the pasties and the edible underwear.

MADISON: You know, it's kind of smart of you to raid the sale rack like that. It's almost a waste for me to spend all this money on something that will be ripped right off of me.

VERONICA: If you're trying to get Dick back, I don't think you have to work that hard. Seriously, a hefty bag and some duct tape, and he'd be good to go.

Madison scoffs.

[311/4139.jpg]MADISON: Dick? Please.

VERONICA: You came over. I figured...

MADISON: Oh, Logan and I hooked up in Aspen over the holidays. I guess you two were split, huh? I was in town and thought he might have some free time, but, oh, well. Oh, and, as a friend, he's not so big on the one-piece numbers.

Madison walks off, having enjoyed every second of the encounter. Veronica looks close to throwing up. End. Executive Producer: Rob Thomas.