3.09 Spit and Eggs

Written by: Rob Thomas
Directed by: Rob Thomas

Original Air Date: 28 November, 2006
Transcribed by Inigo.
Last edited: 4 December, 2006

VERONICA VOICEOVER: Previously on Veronica Mars...

Bonnie exits through the back of the Pi Sig house, much to Dick's disgust, in 308 "Lord of the Pi's."

DICK: What the hell, Bonnie?

BONNIE: Another cute frat boy. What the hell?

In the Food Court, Veronica assures Landry in 307 "Of Vice and Men."

VERONICA: I was never gonna tell anyone about your...situation with the dean's wife.

In his bedroom, Logan explains to Veronica what happened in Mexico.

LOGAN: The whole motel was going up in flames. We had to get out of there.

VERONICA: You didn't stick around to try to help? You didn't see if everyone was okay?

Logan drops his head in shame. In the Food Court, Veronica elects to ignore Logan's call which Logan watches her do it in 308 "Lord of the Pi's." He's devastated. Elsewhere on campus, Keith and the dean speak to the "rescued" Selma Hearst Rose.

SELMA: I'm on my way to vote. Fate of the Greeks in my hands and all.

DEAN O'DELL: How are they faring?

SELMA: Screw 'em. They're out of here.

Veronica and Mac are awoken by Parker's scream in 301 "Welcome Wagon." Parker looks at her shaved head in the mirror in horror.

PARKER: Someone raped me!

Veronica reassures Keith in 308 "Lord of the Pi's."

VERONICA: The Hearst rapist has everyone on edge.

End previously.


Music: "Right Here, Right Now" by Fatboy Slim.

LYRICS: Right here, right now
Right here, right now
Right here, right now
Right here, right now
Right here, right now
Right here, right now
Right here, right now
Right here Right here, right now
Right here, right now
Right here, right now
Right here, right now
Right here, right now
Right here, right now
Right here, right now
Right here

[309/0055.jpg] The Pi Sigs are having a party. Outside the house, a stage is set up outside the back of the house. People are dancing on the stage and on the lawns, most holding white plastic cups. The place is packed as is evident as the camera swings around. It comes to a rest on the two people standing on the roof of the porch of the house. Holding a white cup and a red cup respectively, Piz and Mac are staring out at the guests. Mac is looking increasingly concerned.

MAC: You seen Veronica?

Piz, without ceasing his scan of the crowd, shakes his head.

PIZ: Not in a while.


The music gets louder as the scene shifts to Veronica, running for dear life in the corridors of Benes Hall. She hits a wall, casts a terrified look back and then races on. She reaches stairs and runs up them, sobbing. She comes to another corridor and hurries to the door of Wallace and Piz's room. She bangs on it desperately.

[309/0126.jpg]VERONICA: Wallace, Piz, help!

There's no response and she sinks down to the floor. Her nose is bloody and she has a nasty gash over her left eye. She pants and looks over at the way she came. As she turns her head back, she becomes aware of a pair of legs coming to a stop next to her. Her eyes travel slowly up the body in fear. End music: "Right Here, Right Now" by Fatboy Slim.

Opening credits.

LILITH HOUSE GIRLS: [singing offscreen] Na-na-na-na
Hey, hey...

White writing across a black screen states that it is two days earlier.


The Lilith House girls, led by Nish, Fern and Claire, are celebrating in a one-float parade. They have created the float with a dune buggy and a trailer, with a large pink pig in a diaper at the back of the trailer. The pig wears a neck comprised of the Greek letters pi, sigma and sigma. A large poster for Lilith House is attached to the dune buggy, and one saying "Good Bye!" to the trailer. Some tipping polystyrene columns and glittering gold lengths of tinsel complete the decorations. The girls, standing in the trailer in front of the pig, are exuberant, clapping and singing "Na Na Hey Hey (Kiss Him Goodbye)."

LILITH HOUSE GIRLS: [singing] Hey, goodbye
Na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na
Hey, hey, hey, goodbye

Their song continues in the background. Reactions differ from the students they pass, some giving thumbs up and some giving thumbs down and booing. Veronica watches the float pass.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: If the Lilith House's mission was to protect women on campus, I'm not sure this display is doing the trick. Sure, the Board of Trustees voted to dismantle the Greek system, but there's still a rapist at large. That hasn't changed.

LILITH HOUSE GIRLS: Hey, hey, hey, goodbye

DICK: Sponduly!

Veronica turns and looks over her shoulder at hearing Dick's shout. Dick and Logan emerge from one of the college buildings, laughing and joking around. There is some conversation too faint to hear. Veronica observes their playfulness.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: Ah. So the boy can still smile. Seems like a week since I've seen his teeth.

She rises from her perch and walks towards them. Logan sees her and the smile fades.

VERONICA: Hey, handsome.

DICK: Shh. Not in front of the old man. He's the jealous type.

Logan is much more quiet and serious.


VERONICA: Hello, Dick.

Veronica looks over at the float, still circling the area.

VERONICA: I can't believe they got such a perfect likeness. Did you actually model for them?

Logan and Dick look over at the float.

DICK: Yeah, you know, that reminds me. They left out one important detail. Excusez-moi.

LILITH HOUSE GIRLS: [singing] Na-na-na-na
Hey, hey, hey, goodbye

Dick steps up onto the low wall next to where they are standing. He drops his pants and moons the float. Veronica turns away in disgust with a gasp.

DICK: [shouting] Take a picture, ladies. It'll last longer.

Dick wiggles and slaps his bare bum to the cat calls of the girls. Dick pulls up his pants and jumps down.

VERONICA: Great job, Dick. I'm sure you won that debate.

LOGAN: Well, he's a master debater.

DICK: You two kiss, hold hands, head to the soda shop for some malts. I'm out of here.

Dick waits to be persuaded to stay.

DICK: Okay. Don't try and stop me.

Dick backs away, still hoping for an invitation that is not forthcoming. Finally, Veronica and Logan are alone. Veronica leans in towards the again serious Logan.

VERONICA: You weren't outside my criminology class.

She intimately takes hold of his shirt, pulling him in ready for a kiss.

[309/0334.jpg]VERONICA: I waited.

Logan shuffles uncomfortably.

LOGAN: Yeah.

VERONICA: Something wrong?

She smiles. Logan, on the other hand, is gearing himself up. He takes a moment staring down at the ground before getting it out. He finally looks her in the eye.

LOGAN: I can't do this anymore, Veronica.

Veronica stares at him in disbelief. Logan looks back at the ground frequently as he continues.

LOGAN: You know, I've been thinking, and, uh...this isn't working. You know, I don't think I quite measure up to the person that you want me to be and...and I just can't take feeling like a disappointment anymore.

VERONICA: Logan, I don't-

LOGAN: Hey, let me get this out, okay? The other thing...you told me you weren't built to let people help you.

VERONICA: That's not exactly what I said.

LOGAN: It's close. And you know what? I'm not built to stand on the sidelines.

Veronica nods her head, her eyes glistening with tears.

LOGAN: I don't know, I think we have a choice. And I think we can take a tough but survivable amount of pain now...

Logan pauses, staring at her.

LOGAN: Or stay together and deal with unbearable pain later.

Veronica lets out a deep breath.

LOGAN: So, I vote for the pain now.

Having expelled her breath, Veronica nods imperceptibly. Logan himself is close to tears as he looks down on her.

LOGAN: But I'm always here...if you need anything.

He steps forward, puts his hands on either side of her neck and kisses her on the forehead.

LOGAN: [resigned] But you never need anything.

Veronica can't speak. Logan looks down at her in pain and then takes a step back. He turns and hurries away. Veronica takes a breath to hold herself together.


Weevil is fixing the dean's television. The picture on screen of a woman addressing an audience is jerky and interrupted by static. Dean O'Dell is lounging on the small leather sofa in his office, watching him.

WEEVIL: Yeah, but heavyweights weren't always a freak show, man. Ali, Frazier, those were fighters, you know? Just seems nowadays...

DEAN O'DELL: All the talent's in the lower weight classes. You're so right. The average fight fan? He doesn't care.

Weevil swivels the TV back into place, the picture now as it should be.

WEEVIL: You should be good. You gonna test it?

The dean uses the remote and flicks on a couple of channels, including one featuring Vincent Price.

DEAN O'DELL: Hot damn, I'm back in business. What would I do if you ever left me?

WEEVIL: Call human resources and have them send a replacement?

O'Dell shrugs.

WEEVIL: It's just a guess. Listen, you don't have high-def yet. I'll swing by when the receiver gets in. Page me if it goes out again.

DEAN O'DELL: Thanks, Eli.

As Weevil leaves the office, he passes Mindy on her way in. She sees him lounging on the couch.

MINDY: Oh, hard at work, I see.

DEAN O'DELL: This job is easy. To what do I owe the pleasure?

MINDY: I brought you the minivan.

She holds out some car keys, embellished with a furry ball. He takes them reluctantly.

MINDY: You're gonna have to haul around Gram's drums tonight. Just got called up to Sacramento to meet with Helm's people.

DEAN O'DELL: Can't they send Wally?

MINDY: Wally's going, too. I need the Volvo keys.

She holds out her hand. O'Dell digs in his pocket.

DEAN O'DELL: Gonna be bored. I may be forced to speak to our children.

He hands over the Volvo keys.

MINDY: Oh, remind them of how things used to be.

She sits down on the couch next to him.

MINDY: They love that.

[309/0611.jpg] She leans in to give him a quick kiss. The dean is more interested in something more substantive and pulls her back in for a longer one. She avoids it by presenting her cheek.

MINDY: I'll be home tomorrow by noon.

She pulls away, much to his disappointment and puzzlement.

MINDY: Okay? You can order pizza, can't you?

DEAN O'DELL: I'm sure someone will show me.

Mindy chuckles. They are interrupted by a knock on the open door. Cora, the dean's (new? - what happened to Angela?) assistant, pokes her head around the door jamb.

CORA: Dean O'Dell, I'm sorry for interrupting.

DEAN O'DELL: What is it?

Mindy takes the opportunity to extract herself from the dean's arms and exits.

CORA: I have a man waiting for you who doesn't have an appointment. He won't give me his name or put out his cigar.

DEAN O'DELL: Is that so?

[309/0632.jpg] The dean gets up from the coach and goes to the door of his office.


A man is sitting on the couch seen in 306 "Hi, Infidelity." He's reading a paper and puffing on a big fat cigar. He looks up at the dean, who looks a little stunned on seeing him.

MEL: Cyrus, we need to talk.


Cut to a few moment later as an ashtray is set down in front of the man, Mel, who is settled on one of the chairs in front of O'Dell's desk.

DEAN O'DELL: So, Mel, what can I help you with?

Mel has a deep, gruff voice.

MEL: You know what I liked best about my days here at Hearst, Cyrus?

The dean shakes his head and takes a guess.

DEAN O'DELL: A quality education?

[309/0646.jpg] Mel chuckles long and loud at that.

MEL: No. It was hanging out on the front porch of my frat, watching the girls go by, drinking beer. I had such a good time here at Hearst, in fact, that I've been very generous over the years. Wouldn't you say I've been generous?

Mel makes it sound like a threat and O'Dell nods haplessly with furrowed brow.


A plate of pasta with a piece of garlic bread on the side is served up to Veronica.

SERVER: Here you go.

Veronica takes it unenthusiastically. She is in the queue with Mac and Wallace next to her. They watch with concern as Veronica stares listlessly down at her food. Veronica doesn't move. Mac glances at Wallace, then back at Veronica.

MAC: Veronica?

Veronica looks up, as if coming out of a trance.

VERONICA: I'm fine.

Mac and Wallace speak simultaneously.

MAC: I know. We know. But it's okay if you're not.

WALLACE: Nobody said you weren't. You're Veronica Mars.

Veronica hurries to reassure them.

VERONICA: I'm fine, seriously. I just told the two of you 'cause I figured you should know. I'm not looking for a pity party.

WALLACE: That's good. I always get stuck blowing up the pity balloons.

MAC: Is there anything that we can do for you?

VERONICA: Nope. I...we're done with this topic. I just shared some info. Moving on.

Veronica's smile doesn't reach her eyes. The three of them are joined by Piz who joins the end of the line.

[309/0742.jpg]PIZ: Hey, gang. What's the word? Is it "avuncular"?

All three stare at him. Piz is oblivious to the mood.

PIZ: No? Just a shot in the dark. Hey, set your dials to K-Ruff tonight. I mean, we're already moving on as to what to do with the whole Greek Row ghost town next semester.

He laughs.

PIZ: I got this one guy coming on the show - wants to turn it into an ROTC training battlefield. Quality radio, people.

Veronica is staring at the floor whilst the other two continue to stare at him as if he was from outer space. Piz's smile finally starts to fade in his confusion.

PIZ: What?


Keith finishes pouring two cups of coffee in the small kitchenette. O'Dell is standing at the door to the kitchenette.

KEITH: You say your wife doesn't kiss you like she used to?

DEAN O'DELL: I know how it sounds, Keith.

Keith hands one of the cups to the dean.

KEITH: How long you been married?

DEAN O'DELL: Six years.

Keith moves out of the kitchenette, but O'Dell stays by the door, so Keith leans the other side of the door frame to face him.

KEITH: Simply sounds normal, Cyrus. I'm sure everything's fine.

O'Dell takes a swig from his "Life Ain't Fair" mug.

[309/0819.jpg]DEAN O'DELL: Still, I'd like to be able to shake this feeling. She's on the 4:30 to Sacramento. She is, as she usually is, travelling with her associate, Wally Wernkey. He's handsome, he's a bit more age-appropriate for my wife, and I've seen him wipe Ranch dressing from her chin at a faculty function.

Keith nods sagely. The dean is a little desperate.

DEAN O'DELL: Will you take the case, Keith?

Keith sighs.


Keith is at the kitchen counter, writing a note to Veronica on a post-it, when he hears her enter the apartment. He doesn’t look up.

KEITH: Hey, there you are.

Veronica sees his bag on the counter.

VERONICA: Going somewhere?

Keith does Charlie Chan, which slightly startles Veronica.

KEITH: Oh, very good, number-one daughter. You might make a detective yet.

He glances at her as she slouches against the counter.

KEITH: I'm off to Sacramento. Husband thinks his wife is fooling around in capital city. Here's my hotel information.

He passes over the post-it, sticking it on the counter in front of her. Veronica nods. He has picked up her mood and looks at her with concern.

KEITH: You all right, honey?

VERONICA: Logan and I broke up.

KEITH: I'm sorry to hear that. Are you okay?

Veronica nods.

KEITH: I can put off this assignment.

VERONICA: No, you go. I'm fine. Just kind of unexpected.

KEITH: You sure?

Keith rubs her back. Veronica nods again and speaks softly.


Keith leans forward and kisses her on the forehead. He takes another look at her before walking around her and grabbing his bag. He looks back at her. She's staring into space. He pauses with his hand on the door.

[309/0944.jpg]KEITH: Honey?

Veronica turns to him with a smile.

VERONICA: [firmly] Go.

A little reluctant, Keith goes out the cut. Cut to later as Veronica steps into the shower. She takes a deep breath and turns to wet her hair. She turns back and is finally losing her composure. She starts to cry.


The Food Court outside the station as seen through the large window is in full operation. Piz has a couple of guests - a conservatively dressed girl and a boy in combat gear.

PIZ: We're back and we're talking about Greek Row. Jennifer?

JENNIFER: Dean O'Dell refused to even read our proposal to turn one of the deserted Greek houses into a residence for devoutly Christian students. Had I been lobbying on behalf of the African American students or gay students, would I have been dismissed out of hand like that? No way.

PIZ: Uh...as always, we have an empty chair here for Dean O'Dell, should he ever accept We Were Just Talking's standing invitation to join us on-air and defend himself.

Piz points to his other guest.

PIZ: Lieutenant McGee, you have a radical plan for what should become of the Greek houses.

They all turn around at the sound of the door to the studio opening. Dean O'Dell strides in. He points to the broadcast table and paraphernalia.

[309/1038.jpg]DEAN O'DELL: Which one of these is mine?

Piz, somewhat surprised, indicates the empty chair next to him.

PIZ: T-take that one.

As the dean clears his throat, Piz gestures to his engineer to switch on the dean's microphone before returning to the broadcast. He claps.

PIZ: And like magic, we have our illustrious dean here with us. Dean O'Dell, What do you got for us?

DEAN O'DELL: I felt it was imperative to get this news out as quickly as possible to the student body. It was recently discovered that one of our Board of Trustees members who voted to abolish the Greek system at Hearst owns property currently leased by several of the Greek houses. Due to this conflict of interest, his vote has been nullified.

A few people in the Food Court are starting to take an interest and gather at the window.

DEAN O'DELL: Hearst Charter dictates that the dean of the university is allowed to cast the, uh, dissenting vote in just such an occurrence, and I voted to retain the Greek system.

A couple of boys sitting at one of the tables stands and cheers. One of the girls gathered at the window does a disgusted "What?" Behind her, the boys high-five.

DEAN O'DELL: Thank you for your time. That is all.

The dean stands and exits as quickly as he arrived. Piz's guests are disappointed.

PIZ: Uh, all righty, then. The Greeks are back. Let's go to the phones.

There are a few lines flashing on the telephone in front of Piz. He selects the first.


Music: unidentified. It's the turn of the Pi Sigs to celebrate. Being too lazy/pissed/uncreative to make a float, they simply ride around in an SUV with big wheels. A few frat brothers, including a shirtless Dick, stand on the back seat, appearing through the sun roof. They whoop and cheer as they drive slowly around the campus.

DICK: Yeah! Whoo! Yeah! What's up, girls? Ha-ha!

Like the Liliths before them, they garner differing reactions from the students they pass. End music unidentified. Music: "Have You Never Been Mellow" by Olivia Newton-John.

LYRICS: Have you never been mellow?
Have you never tried-

The dean is also driving through the campus, listening to his choice of music on the radio/CD player. He peers in astonishment at the sight of the Pi Sigs. End music: "Have You Never Been Mellow" by Olivia Newton-John. Music: Unidentified.

Outside, Dick continues to cheer.

DICK: Yeah! Whoo!

The SUV slowly passes the dean as he stares up at them. End music unidentified. Music: "Have You Never Been Mellow" by Olivia Newton-John.

LYRICS: Have you never been happy
Just to hear your song?
Have you never let someone else be strong?
Running around as you do with your head up in the clouds

[309/1201.jpg] The dean shakes his head and then carries on. He slows as he sees two small groups of girls hanging around the entrance to the parking area. They stare at him as he passes the first group. In front of him, Fern emerges from behind a parked van. She walks into the road, blocking his path. In the empty parking space beside the van is another, larger group of girls waiting. Dean O'Dell stops the car and stares at Nancy. He jerks back when an egg hits the windshield. It signals all the other girls to throw eggs and attack the car, rocking it in place, shouting as they do.

ANGRY GIRLS: Rapist! Traitor! Pig! You're gonna pay for what you did to us!

End music: "Have You Never Been Mellow" by Olivia Newton-John.


The dean, clearly flustered by events, bursts through the door from the corridor, heading for the inner sanctum of his office.

DEAN O'DELL: Get me a roster of all the women of Lilith House.

CORA: You have a guest.

O'Dell pauses and turns to face his assistant, seeing as he does Keith sitting in a chair in the corner behind her.

[309/1222.jpg]CORA: I told him that without an appointment-

DEAN O'DELL: Keith, come right in.


Keith follows O'Dell into the inner office.

DEAN O'DELL: Have a seat.

KEITH: Thanks.

Both men take their seats. Keith gets out a notebook.

DEAN O'DELL: So...what you got?

KEITH: Only good news. You have nothing to worry about except, perhaps, your apparent lack of gaydar.

DEAN O'DELL: I don't know what that is.

KEITH: Wally Wernkey's gay.

O'Dell leans back in his chair, surprised.

KEITH: Your wife spent the night in her room alone, and Wally, on the other hand, visited, in succession...

Keith reads off his notebook.

KEITH: The Boathouse, Oilcan Harry's, and Taboo.

DEAN O'DELL: Let's both just forget that I ever doubted my wife.

KEITH: [whispering] Consider it forgotten.

Cora knocks on the door on her way in, carrying a newspaper.

[309/1301.jpg]CORA: You need to see this. I circled it.

She hands it to O'Dell.

DEAN O'DELL: What is it?

CORA: It's a classified ad warning the student body to stay away from the Pi Sig party.

The newspaper is opened in the classified. As well as the circled announcement, there are ads for jobs (including one for Trixie Showgirls on the promise of "money your parents don't need to know about," and for someone who might "Know fish? We can't see to keep...friends alive for long enough to enjoy. Maybe we're doing something wrong but we've tried everything"), for places to rent (for example, for a newly refurnished condo where students can "Study in style"), and for services ("Bills dragging you down? Don't let them take you to Depressionville, our Personal and Business financial assistants will help you find you way out of the mired fields of debt you've accumulated. Call Kevin or Patricia today with your problems. We'll help them disappear."). The dean reads the circled ad aloud.

DEAN O'DELL: "I'll choose my next victim at the Pi Sig party tomorrow night. You've been warned."

O'Dell looks up at a troubled Keith.


Veronica, now sporting a fringe, strides down one of the pathways, passing a Take-Back-the-Night table. Parker is working at the far end of it and calls out to her.

PARKER: Veronica? Hey, come here.

Cut to a few moments later. Veronica is holding up the same paper, reading the same ad. She drops the paper, appalled.

VERONICA: "I'll choose my next victim at the Pi Sig party"?

Parker shakes her head.

PARKER: The rapist is getting cocky.

VERONICA: Yeah, or Nish just wants to scare girls away from the frat blow-out.

PARKER: If that was the plan, I don't think it's working. We probably had a hundred girls stop by and pick up these.

Parker holds out a coaster. Veronica takes it and stares at it.

[309/1341.jpg]VERONICA: Coasters?

PARKER: Special coasters. You pour a drop of your drink on them, and they'll turn red if there's any GHB or Rohypnol in it.

VERONICA: You mind if I take a bunch of these?

PARKER: Planning on tying one on? You can test ten drinks on one card.

VERONICA: I suddenly find myself with free time and in need of a project.

Parker reaches down to pick something else up from the table.

PARKER: You do get one of these, as well.

She holds it out for Veronica to take.

PARKER: A rape whistle, just in case.

VERONICA: You actually think people would come a-running, huh?

Parker shrugs.

VERONICA: You have more faith in mankind than I do, my friend.


Veronica is sitting in front of the dean's desk. He is holding the coaster.

[309/1401.jpg]DEAN O'DELL: What's it do?

VERONICA: It turns red if there's a date-rape drug in the drink. You should require the Pi Sigs make them available at the party.

DEAN O'DELL: I think I will.

O'Dell shouts out.

DEAN O'DELL: Cora, track down Chip Diller for me.

VERONICA: I poked around at the newspaper office. No explanation on how the ad made it into the paper. They think it was changed at the printer's.

DEAN O'DELL: You're a credit to the college, my dear.

VERONICA: Well, aren't you warm and cuddly for being the most reviled man on campus?

DEAN O'DELL: My life doesn't begin and end at the university. My wife's getting back from Sacramento today, and I've got something special planned.

Veronica immediately gets the significance.

VERONICA: Sacramento?


Veronica pulls back her hair as she watches and listens to Landry, pacing at the front of the room under a slide projection of a close-up fingerprint.

LANDRY: What an enlightening weekend I had. You learn a lot about people when you read their "Plan a Perfect Murder" papers. I must say, I'm a little frightened to appear before you today, and it's not just that a good half-dozen of you offed me.

He looks down at one of his students in the second row.

LANDRY: A chain saw, Biggles? Really?

[309/1502.jpg] Biggles shrugs.

LANDRY: Let's see. We got rid of a full score of ex-girlfriends and ex-boyfriends, the local sheriff bit the dust...

Veronica's expression reveals the author of that particular paper.

LANDRY: And several of you decided to turn yourselves into only children. As to how perfect your perfect murders were, eh, the results fell pretty naturally into a bell curve. Didn't even have to adjust.

Tim Foyle is in the process of handing out the graded papers. He hand Veronica hers. She got an A. There's an additional note on the front: "See Me, Tim."

LANDRY: I will be posting the three A papers on the class website so you can see examples of what I am looking for.

Timothy stands over her long enough for her to acknowledge the request with a rueful expression.

LANDRY: For those of you who got A's, congratulations. You can get away with murder.

Veronica smiles.


Veronica knocks on the door of Tim's darkened office and pokes her head around.


He is not there. Veronica steps in anyway and walks over to the board that contained all the rape material her last visit.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: Okay, but you should know, if you're gonna make me wait, I'm gonna pore over your creepy rape-investigation board.

Added to what was seen in 306 "Hi, Infidelity" is a picture of the current (?) Pi Sigs - forty-one of them. A few of the pictures are circled.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: What's this? Dick, Chip Diller, and what's his face?

Behind her, Tim enters the office and sees her.

TIM: Can I help you find something?

VERONICA: What's with the circled Pi Sigs? Are you onto something?

TIM: Did I miss something? Are we working together now? Are we Starsky and Butch?

VERONICA: Cagney and Pastey.

TIM: I think I'll keep my findings to myself.

Tim heads for his desk.

TIM: When I solve it, I want Dr. Landry to know where credit's due.

VERONICA: And here I thought we were trying to protect girls.

TIM: Huh. Then you want to share your working theories with me?

Veronica doesn't respond.

TIM: Excellent. Now, about your paper, I-I wanted to give you the opportunity to fix some of these syntax and book marking errors before I post it online.

Steps are heard behind Veronica and Tim looks up and smiles.

[309/1629.jpg]TIM: Ah, Veronica, have you met my girlfriend?

Veronica turns and sees Bonnie Capistrano whom she last saw leaving the Pi Sig house after sleeping with Dick and another Pi Sig frat brother. Bonnie steps towards in a friendly manner.


Bonnie looks at her quizzically.

BONNIE: Have we met?

Veronica takes a moment before sparing them all the scene.

VERONICA: I don't think so.


Veronica is at the kitchen counter, having soup and contemplating events.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: So Tim Foyle's girlfriend likes Dick and sundry other Pi Sigs. So what, if anything, does that mean?

Keith enters the apartment. He looks at the soup and grimaces.

KEITH: Soup? You know how I feel about soup. It's a side dish.

VERONICA: There's a meat loaf in the oven.

KEITH: Now we're talking.

Keith heads for the oven.

VERONICA: Dad, you know that case you took up in Sacramento?

KEITH: Yeah. False alarm. I got to deliver good news for once.

Keith gets his meatloaf out of the office.

VERONICA: Dean O'Dell's wife is cheating on him with Dr. Landry, my criminology professor.

[309/1718.jpg] Keith stares at her unhappily.

KEITH: And how'd you-

VERONICA: I dropped by his office. He told me his wife just got in from Sacramento. Two and two.

KEITH: And how'd you-

VERONICA: I saw the two of them together at the Neptune Grand. He checks in under the pseudonym Rory Finch. You should double-check, but I'm certain it's true. Are you gonna tell him?

KEITH: You know the rules, honey. I have to.

Keith is saddened by this turn of events and is clearly not looking forward to what he has to do.


Moe, arms folded across his body, is staring down at Wallace and Piz, sitting side by side with Wallace on his desk chair and Piz on the end of Wallace's bed.

MOE: I don't exactly know how to put this. It's the sort of thing that makes me hate being a resident advisor, but I have to ask. Someone has been leaving a surprise in the third stall every day for the past two weeks.

Wallace glances at Piz and smirks. Piz looks back at Wallace, hardly believing what he is hearing. He puts on a straight face.

MOE: This person apparently never learned how to flush, and it's my amateur medical opinion that he's also suffering from what must be a terminal disease. So?

WALLACE: Not guilty, man.

[309/1828.jpg] Piz is thinking very hard.

PIZ: Third stall stage right or stage left?

Wallace laughs as Moe takes the question seriously, working it out with his fingers.

MOE: Stage right.

PIZ: Yeah, not guilty, either.

Veronica arrives in the room, her thumbs tucked in her belt.

VERONICA: Howdy, boys. Anyone up for going to a Pi Sig blow-out? Beer and ladies and music and other stuff guys like, I'm sure.

Veronica is getting no response and tries harder, much to the amusement of Wallace and Piz, and the bemusement of Moe.

VERONICA: Fast cars, loose slots, electronic gadgetry, televised sports, pornography. Nothing? None of this grabs you?

PIZ: We were already planning on going.

WALLACE: I think everybody at Hearst is gonna be there.

VERONICA: Awesome. Then you can help me out.

WALLACE: Suddenly it sounds like a lot less fun.

Veronica points at Moe.

VERONICA: What about you? Moe, are you going?

MOE: Sort of. I'm driving the Take-Back-the-Night cart for the early shift.

Veronica holds out her hand.

VERONICA: Give me your phone.

Moe does so without hesitation, pulling it from his pocket. Veronica punches some buttons.

VERONICA: Here's my number. Call me if you pick up any girls who are beyond drunk or shady guys lurking around.

MOE: Sure.

VERONICA: Excellent. Meet you boys out front, nine sharp. I really appreciate it.

Veronica spins around and prances out. Piz stares after her, confused, as Wallace, the experienced campaigner, looks up at the ceiling.

PIZ: What are we doing?

Wallace shakes his head.


Mac is sitting cross-legged on her bed, staring up at Veronica in disbelief.

MAC: Are you freaking kidding me? The Pi Sig mega apocalypse?

Veronica nods.

MAC: Hump the furniture, party back to the Stone Age, fifty-keg bacchanalia?

Veronica smiles brightly.

[309/1918.jpg]VERONICA: Sounds fun, right?

MAC: Will they let me in? I think all the glitter has come off my porn star tube top.

VERONICA: Please, Mac. I could really use the help.

Mac continues to frown, seemingly implacable. Veronica sighs and sinks to her knees. She smacks her hands together in prayer and gives Mac her puppy-dog stare. Mac stares back for a moment.

MAC: [resigned]Resistance is futile.

[309/1932.jpg] Veronica grins.


O'Dell exits his own office. Cora is at work by her desk.

DEAN O'DELL: Thanks for coming in on a Saturday, Cora. Here's to a better week next week.

CORA: Night, Cyrus.

O'Dell goes out to the corridor.


[309/1940.jpg] He starts walking down the corridor but comes to a halt when he sees Keith. From his face, the dean knows what is coming. Keith looks at him sympathetically.


Cut to a little later. The dean, in a state of shock is sitting at his desk. Keith is standing in front of the desk, pointing at various parts of papers laid out in front of O'Dell.

KEITH: I've highlighted the cell phone calls they've made to each other, as well as the numerous charges made to Professor Landry at the Neptune Grand.

[309/2007.jpg] O'Dell nods. He swallows hard.

KEITH: He always checked in under the pseudonym Rory Finch and paid cash for the room but charged drinks at the bar and dinner at the restaurant. Those dates mean anything to you?

DEAN O'DELL: If I recall correctly, these coincide with the nights of Mindy's junior league meetings.

O'Dell's voice quivers and when he picks up the papers, his hands are shaking violently. Keith looks close to tears for the man. He swallows.


Music: unidentified The party has started and there is a large crowd already outside the front of the house, queuing to get in. Veronica and her troops are next in line. They are about to face the frat brother at the door - Drew Barndale, last seen having his drink thrown over him by Veronica in 216 "The Rapes of Graff." Drew spots Veronica and is not thrilled to see her, but he carries on dealing with others while Veronica gives out her orders.

VERONICA: So, here's the plan.

She hands Piz a stack of coasters which he splits between himself and Wallace. Veronica hands more to Mac.

VERONICA: Do your own thing at the party, but if you see a girl who looks out of it, sneak up to her drink, dip the coaster in, see if it turns red. If it does, the drink is dosed.

WALLACE: If you see a really cute girl and you want to dance with her?

VERONICA: Dance. Just know that your libido caused some girl to get raped.

WALLACE: That kinda takes the fun out of it.

VERONICA: Hey, it's your life.

WALLACE: Since when?


Veronica gets something out of her bag.

VERONICA: You give me a hard time, I'm less enthusiastic about giving you the little "thanks for helping" presents I made for everybody this afternoon.

Veronica holds out three ID cards.

VERONICA: Congratulations. You're all twenty-one.

Wallace laughs. Mac is awed.

PIZ: I can buy myself a beer cup.

Veronica turns to the small table by the front door at which Drew is sitting. On the table are stacks of large plastic cups, some white, some red, a cashbox, and a box of wrist tags. There's a sign by the table: "If under 21 $5.00 Red Soda Cup. 21 + Up $10.00 White Beer Cup. Drew looks up at Veronica and her party. Seeing who it is, Veronica's eyes turn heavenward.

DREW: Looky here. My favourite drink tosser. I'm so happy you came to Hearst.

WALLACE: Seriously, does anyone like you?

Drew puts her money in the cashbox and goes into his spiel.

DREW: IDs out. Show them to our friend from the Hearst police department.

Veronica, Wallace and Piz all show their fake IDs to a person standing at the door. Drew holds up a white cup.

DREW: Beer cups are ten bucks.

He holds up a red cup in his other hand.

DREW: Soda cups are five. Everyone must purchase one or the other.

Piz hands over his money for a white cup. Drew passes him a wrist tag and his white cup, together with a pen.

DREW: Right wrist. Print your name legibly on this cup. Use only this cup. Do not share that cup with a minor.

[309/2132.jpg] In the meantime, Veronica has picked up the coasters available on the table. She checks them. Mac passes over $5.00.

MAC: I'll take a soda cup.

Drew hands her a red cup and label. She notices Piz staring at her in horror.

MAC: Like I'm gonna drink in there.

Veronica holds out one of the Pi Sig coasters.

VERONICA: These are your rape-testing coasters? This is what you're handing out?

DREW: Yeah. Don't get raped.

VERONICA: Where's Chip Diller?

Drew points to inside the house. Veronica spins around and marches in.


End music: unidentified. It's packed inside. The music is mixed as the sounds of what is playing out front and out back (the Diamond Smugglers playing live) mix. Most people are drinking from white cups. Veronica threads her way through the crowd before finding Chip in a corner, talking to a girl. He is still sporting a very short haircut.


He's not thrilled to see Veronica. She holds up one of the Pi Sig coasters which is blank on one side.

[309/2158.jpg]VERONICA: I want you to take a look at these coasters and see if you can spot the difference. Item one - printed on two sides with the name of the drug-testing manufacturer on it, distributed at the Take-Back-the-Night booth. Item two - printed on one side, handed out at the Pi Sig party. One tests for date-rape drugs. My guess? The other tests to see whether drinks are wet.

CHIP: You don't know that. Find me a laced drink, and let's see if it works. Go on, go on. Find one.

He checks his watch.

CHIP: I'll time you.

Veronica sneers and drops the real coaster she is holding into his companion's drink.

VERONICA: There you go, Bambi. If it turns red, he's trying to rape you. If it doesn't, he still might be trying to rape you. How do you live with yourself?

Chip smirks.

CHIP: Oh, it's a struggle, but I manage.

With an expression of disgust, Veronica walks away.


On the stage set up in the back garden, the Diamond Smugglers, a Neil Diamond tribute band, are playing live, doing their rendition of "Sweet Caroline." Behind them, huge and made out of crushed beer cans, are the Greek letters of the fraternity. The crowd are having a great time. Wallace and Piz are elevated above them, surveying the people.

DIAMOND SMUGGLERS: Hands, touchin' hands
Reachin' out, touchin' me, touchin' you
Sweet Caroline
Good times never seemed so good

PIZ: You know, when you think about it, it's not so different from going to a party normally, except instead of trying to avoid the girl that's gonna puke in your car-

Wallace points at a couple in the crowd.

WALLACE: Look. Drunk girl, ten o'clock.

The girl has her arm up on the shoulders of a much taller boy. She's holding her white cup but otherwise looks out of it, the boy keeping her up as they slow dance.

DIAMOND SMUGGLERS: And I've been inclined

Piz suddenly appears before the couple, dancing.

DIAMOND SMUGGLERS: To believe they never would

Piz points at them, getting the guy's attention. He goes into a unique dance, keeping him distracted as Wallace appears behind them and dunks a piece of the coaster into the girl's cup.

[309/2334.jpg]DIAMOND SMUGGLERS: Oh, no, but look at the night

He looks at it for a moment, then up at Piz, whose dance is getting more and more bizarre.

DIAMOND SMUGGLERS: It don't seem so lonely
We fill it up with only two

Piz spots Wallace in desperation. Wallace finally shakes his head and gestures at his throat, indicating that Piz can stop. Piz finishes on a bow.


Back in the house, Dick is sitting on one of the couches. Bonnie is sitting in his lap. Veronica sees them and heads over to them. Dick says something that amuses Bonnie and she giggles and taps his nose.

BONNIE: You're so cute.

Before they are even aware that she is there, Veronica dips a piece of coaster in her drink rapidly before sitting on the arm of the couch.

[309/2400.jpg]VERONICA: Hi, Bonnie. So, where's your boyfriend tonight?

BONNIE: Do you see a ring?

DICK: Hey, Veronica. Where's your boyfriend tonight? Oh, wait, I'm so sorry. You don't have one anymore. Bummer.

VERONICA: Man, when I look at the two of you, all I see are a couple of Petri dishes. My advice? Use protection, lots and lots of protection.

Veronica leaves. Bonnie nods happily, not sensing the sarcasm. Dick leans in and they start to kiss.


Back outside, the Diamond Smugglers have moved onto "Thank the Lord for the Night Time."

DIAMOND SMUGGLERS: Daytime turns me off
I don't mean maybe

Mac is standing, watching them, her face dour. She has her red cup in her hand and "Ask me about my STD" on her t-shirt.

DIAMOND SMUGGLERS: Nine to five ain't takin' me where I'm bound

A guy comes upon Mac and makes no disguise of looking her up and down. Mac senses his presence without enthusiasm.

RICO: Hey, there.

DIAMOND SMUGGLERS: When it's done, I run out to see my lady

He grins. Mac's expression doesn’t change. He presses on regardless.

[309/2438.jpg]RICO: Hey, there. You have an STD.

He laughs.

RICO: Classic.

DIAMOND SMUGGLERS: We get groovin' when the sun goes down

RICO: You are one major minor, you know that?

Mac raises her eyebrows. Rico pulls out a flask.

DIAMOND SMUGGLERS: Thank the Lord for the night time
To forget the day

RICO: Want me to slip a little whiskey in that cola of yours?

DIAMOND SMUGGLERS: No more uptight time
'Cause I chase it away

MAC: Sure.

Mac holds out her cup and Rico pours whiskey from the flask into it. He then takes a swig.

DIAMOND SMUGGLERS: I get relaxation
More time to groove

Mac dips in a piece of coaster and holds it up to examine. Rico is bemused. Satisfied that it isn't drugged, Mac pours the contents of her cup out behind her.

DIAMOND SMUGGLERS: Thank the Lord for the night time
I thank the Lord for you

MAC: Thanks.

Mac smiles and returns to watching the band. Rico is taken aback. He watches the band for a moment then raises his flask to Mac before hurrying away, defeated.


Dean O'Dell pours the last of a bottle into a glass.

DEAN O'DELL: What makes a man do it, Keith - sleep with another man's wife? Is there no honour left?

He's moved over to the small couch, with Keith on one of the chairs to face it. Keith frowns, hardly in a position to be too damning.

KEITH: Less than there should be, I'm afraid.

He makes a quick, rueful grin. O'Dell tries to get up with the empty bottle but falls back onto the couch.

DEAN O'DELL: Whoa. Ow.

KEITH: Can I help you with something, Cyrus?

DEAN O'DELL: A refill. It seemed a much shorter distance earlier.

Keith takes the glass.

KEITH: What's the rest of your evening entail?

DEAN O'DELL: Passing out on this couch.

KEITH: All right, then.

Keith gets up and takes the glass over to a side table.

DEAN O'DELL: They warned me, Keith. "She's much too young for you."

Keith picks up a bottle. O'Dell gasps.

DEAN O'DELL: Keith, no!

[309/2557.jpg] He sighs in relief having stopped Keith from cracking open the bottle.

DEAN O'DELL: Do you know what you're holding?

Keith looks down at the bottle.

KEITH: A bottle of scotch.

DEAN O'DELL: That's a forty-year-old bottle of Glen Cracken. One of the chief joys of my existence is the anticipation of tasting the contents of that bottle. But for tonight, I'm just getting drunk. Pour me the swill.

Smiling, Keith replaces the bottle and picks up another one.


The band is still on "Thank the Lord for the Night Time." Wallace and Piz make their way through the crowd.

DIAMOND SMUGGLERS: It seems like just one time
I'm feelin' cool

They tap a girl who is dancing on the shoulder.

DIAMOND SMUGGLERS: Thank the lord for the night time
When I forget the day

She turns to face them.

JANIA: Yeah?

WALLACE: Ah, is that your friend?

Wallace points down and the camera follows his gaze, revealing another girl lying on the ground, unconscious. She glances down.


PIZ: You think she's okay?

JANIA: We called the Safe-Ride-Home people already.

She points behind them.

JANIA: Look, there they are. Happy?

DIAMOND SMUGGLERS: Thank the Lord for the night time
Thank the Lord for you

Moe is making his way through the crowd. He is followed by Fern.

MOE: Hey, guys. Mind helping us out with this one?

PIZ: Yeah, no sweat. We got it. Here.

[309/2637.jpg] Piz goes to hand Moe his cup but in the meantime Fern has bent down, picked the girl up and slung her over her shoulder. She glares as Wallace and Piz.

FERN: Nice way to take care of your friend.

Wallace and Piz are too stunned to protest and Fern carries the girl off.

MOE: Don't mind her.

Moe rolls his eyes.

MOE: She's always like that.

DIAMOND SMUGGLERS: Thank the Lord for the night time
Yeah, yeah, yeah.


The dean is now lying on the sofa. Keith is slipping on his jacket, gazing at him with some concern.

[309/2719.jpg]KEITH: Sure I can't give you a ride home?

DEAN O'DELL: What's the point? My wife has a junior league meeting tonight. Ha! I'll just sleep here.

He snuggles into the couch looking for all the world as if he is about to go to sleep. Keith leaves. O'Dell instantly becomes more alert, checking that Keith has left the outer office. Once satisfied, O'Dell goes to his desk. He opens one of his drawers and gets some keys. He unlocks a lower drawer and pulls out a revolver. He spins the chamber.


Music: unidentified. Veronica comes down the stairs, still actively looking for potential victims. She pauses when she sees Tim Foyle enter the fraternity.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: Tim Foyle? Here? This can't be good.

Tim enters the lounge and sees Bonnie and Dick. He races over to them.

TIM: That's it, Bonnie. I've had enough!

He screams this and accompanies it with a grand gesture. Veronica, who has followed him in, pauses at the door, observing.

TIM: I've known about all of them. I've known about every knuckle-dragging frat boy you've given a free ride, but guess what. I wasn't sitting back and taking it. Not at all! For every guy you were with, I was with someone new myself. Did you think I didn't know? I know everything!

End music: unidentified. It's quite a performance and Tim has succeeded in gaining the attention of everyone within hearing distance. He looks around and then storms off. Veronica sets off to follow him, passing a barely fazed Bonnie and a barely conscious Dick on the way.

BONNIE: Looks like I'm single.

As Veronica rounds the corner, she freezes. Logan is chatting to a blonde girl. Mercer is next to him, talking to a brunette.

BLONDE: You do?

LOGAN: So, what? Did you mother give that to you or something?

BLONDE: What? Yeah.

BRUNETTE: Yeah, I saw that one, too. So good.

Logan looks up and sees Veronica. They stare at each other across the room. The two girls bid farewell to the hot guys.

BLONDE: I'll see you later.

BRUNETTE: What? Okay. Bye.

[309/2828.jpg] They leave and Veronica walks forward to stand in front of Mercer and Logan, having eyes only for the latter as he does for her.

MERCER: Hey, Veronica.



Mercer looks from one to the other and quickly forms the opinion that he is de trop.

MERCER: Okay. You two have fun.

Mercer makes to leave.

VERONICA: You don't have to go, Mercer. I'm just saying hi.

MERCER: Be that as it may, they're turning my show on after the band. Hope you brought your dancin' shoes.

Mercer makes a sharp exit as Veronica and Logan continue to stare at each other.

LOGAN: Well, let me guess. You're here because of the investigation.

VERONICA: I am what I am.

Any further discourse is interrupted when Wallace and Piz race over to them. Piz is holding out a piece of coaster.


PIZ: We got a positive.

LOGAN: A positive what?

WALLACE: This cup was dosed with a date-rape drug. It belongs to some...

Wallace checks the white cup he is holding.

WALLACE: Kim Kaiser.

VERONICA: So where's Kim Kaiser?

PIZ: We asked around. N-no one's seen her, but we found someone who knows where she lives. She's off campus by the marina, uh, the Harbour View Apartments.

VERONICA: All four girls were raped in their own rooms. We've got to get there. I parked on campus and walked. Who's got the closest car?

LOGAN: I do, but you're staying here. I'll go.

VERONICA: If you think-

LOGAN: Veronica, please! Let me do this part.

Veronica still has doubts but concedes.

VERONICA: Okay, go. Be careful.

WALLACE: I'll go with you.

Wallace jerks his head and leads Logan out. Veronica shouts after them.

VERONICA: Get her out of her apartment.


Outside, the music is climaxing as the Diamond Smugglers are finishing their set. Veronica and Piz race through the cheering crowd to get to the stage. The music ends and the lead singer talks to the crowd.

[309/2936.jpg]DIAMOND SMUGGLERS LEAD SINGER: That's all for us tonight, people. Club Flush is up next.

Without any hesitation or apology, Veronica barges up and takes over the microphone. The lead singer backs away with his hands up.

VERONICA: Hi, uh, we're looking for Kim Kaiser. We think she's been given a date-rape drug. If you've seen her or you're friends with her, please come find me. I'll be right in front of the stage.

Veronica leaves the mic to take her place at the front of the stage.


Professor Landry is lounging back in a bed, naked and sated. He's watching someone and groans.

LANDRY: Don't go.

Mindy, dressed and at the mirror, putting on her earring, smiles.

LANDRY: I've got crème brûlée arriving any second.

[309/2956.jpg] She finishes with her earring and adjusts her hair.

MINDY: You know, maybe someday we'll have sex and you won't be stoned. I swear I'm having an affair with Annie Hall.

Landry chuckles and Mindy laughs, turning to view him directly, rather than through the mirror. She walks over to the bed, bends down and gives him a long kiss. It is interrupted by a knock at the door. Mindy glances at it, strokes Landry under the chin, and then goes to answer the door. It is her husband. She gasps in shock.

DEAN O'DELL: Mind if I come in?

He doesn't wait for an answer, pushing past Mindy. Landry sees who it is and bolts upright in the bed. Mindy watches O'Dell, her breathing quickened.


Music: unidentified. Veronica is standing on the stage, at the front still keeping a watchful eye on events in the crowd. A girl comes up behind her and taps her on the shoulder.

KIM'S FRIEND: Are you the girl looking for Kim? Because Kim didn't come to the party.

VERONICA: I saw her drink cup.

KIM'S FRIEND: She lent her ID to her little sister, Carrie.

VERONICA: Where's Carrie?

KIM'S FRIEND: She wasn't feeling good. She was walking back to her room.

VERONICA: Which dorm?

KIM'S FRIEND: Benes Hall. You think she's all right?

Veronica is already on the move. She jumps down from the stage just as Mercer's voice rings out.

MERCER: Line one. You're first caller. What do you want to hear?

End music: unidentified. Mercer's last sentence is warped, as the tape stretches.

[309/3101.jpg]CALLER: Yeah, man, you got any Chicks on Speed?

MERCER: Always, my friend, always.

Music: unidentified by Chicks on Speed.

LYRICS: Ow-ow-ow

Veronica looks back at the side of the stage, realising four things simultaneously: Mercer's phone-in request show can be taped, she is listening to a taped version, Mercer isn't there and Mercer is the rapist. She hurries away. End music: unidentified by Chicks on Speed.


Sacks is taking point, working at Inga's station. A nervous deputy approaches him.

ROOKIE DEPUTY: We just got a call, said a bomb was gonna go off at one of the residential halls up at Hearst.

Sacks scoffs.

[309/3125.jpg]ROOKIE DEPUTY: Should we evacuate it?

SACKS: It's nothing. Happens all the time around finals. Let the Hearst police handle it. It's their jurisdiction.

The deputy is uncertain.

ROOKIE DEPUTY: Maybe I should ask the sheriff.

Sacks glances back at him.

SACKS: You want to call and wake him up?

This is not an attractive prospect.


The door opens into the darkened room. Someone enters and closes the door. The bedside lamp is turned on, revealing Mercer. He looks at the shelves above the lamp.

MERCER: Unicorns, really?

He glances down at the shape in the bed and sighs.

MERCER: Well, we'll definitely be needing some mood music.

He turns on the radio. Music: "Right Here, Right Now" by Fatboy Slim."

LYRICS: Right here, right now
Right here, right now
Right here, right now
Right here, right now
Right here, right now
Right here, right now
Right here, right now
Right here
Waking up to find your love's not real
Waking up to find your love's not real
Waking up to find, waking up to find
Waking up to find, waking up to find
Right here, right now
Right here, right now
Right here, right now
Right here, right now
Right here, right now
Right here, right now
Right here, right now
Right here, here, here, here
Waking up to find your love's not real
Waking up to find your love's not real
Waking up to find, waking up to find
Waking up to find, waking up to find
Right here, right now
Right here, right now
Right here, right now
Right here, right now
Right here, right now
Right here, right now
Right here, right now
Right here, here, here, here

Mercer moans appreciatively.

MERCER: You know, techno has a bad reputation, but I think it's undeserved.

He addresses the lump under the covers.

MERCER: Groan if you disagree.

There's no response.

MERCER: Good. We're on the same page.

Mercer half-walks, half-dances over to the desk and takes off his jacket, hanging it on the back of the chair. He walks back over to the bed and sits on the side of it, next to the body.

MERCER: It's unfortunate that when you wake up, all you'll know is that your hair is gone...

He leans down and whispers.

MERCER: Because it's gonna be good. I'd wager your best ever.

He sits up again.

MERCER: And it's a me thing, I'm sorry to say. I...have no patience. I mean, if I'd met you in a bar or, uh, at a party, I would have had you back here and on your back in an hour. [with increasing anger] But that's an hour of my life I would have never had back, an hour of listening to you talk about unicorns...

He gets up and walks over to his jacket.

MERCER: And your high-school boyfriend and how you hate the taste of beer. I'm just taking what you would have happily given.

He takes the clippers out of his jacket pocket. He switches them on and off again.

MERCER: I mean, that's hardly a crime.

His monologue is interrupted by a thump from the closet. Mercer freezes for a second, looking in that direction. He throws the clippers down on the desk and strides to the closet. He opens it. Carrie is slumped there, unconscious.

MERCER: What the-

Behind him, Veronica, who is dressed in Carrie's pink quilted jacket, races to attack him with the taser. Mercer realises a split second before she reaches him and turns, managing to grab her arm and avoid the worst of the taser's bite. He throws her away from him, causing the taser to slide under the bed, out of reach. Veronica and Mercer end up on the floor, side by side on their backs. Veronica tries to scramble away, but Mercer gets hold of the jacket. Veronica wiggles out of it and gets to the door, but Mercer grabs her leg and pulls her down. She bangs her head hard on the floor as she hits. Mercer pulls her along the floor, away from the door. Veronica screams.


Mercer turns up the radio so the music blares out.

MERCER: What are you doing here, Veronica? No one invited you.

[309/3339.jpg] He lifts her up by her hair. Veronica cries out in pain. Bringing her to a standing position in front of him, his hands still firmly gripping her hair, Mercer looks down at her.

MERCER: What am I gonna do with you?

With a free hand, Veronica reaches up and scratches Mercer hard on his left cheek. It's his turn to cry out and he lets go of Veronica.


She starts to run again, but he grabs her. He punches her, sending her reeling to the ground.

MERCER: [furious] That's my face, you bitch!

He walks over to a full length mirror and checks the damage. Veronica has managed to score deep scratches on his cheek. In the mirror, Mercer can see Veronica trying to crawl away.

MERCER: Oh, come back here, Veronica.

Veronica has managed to get halfway under the bed.

MERCER: Let's fix that hair of yours.

Veronica gasps as she is pulled out by her ankles. She reaches out and grabs a discarded unicorn as she slides out. She spins around as she comes out from under the bed, stabbing Mercer in the leg with the unicorn's horn. He screams.


Mercer stumbles back from her, the unicorn still in his leg. He falls back against a chest of drawers. Veronica makes the most of the opportunity, scrambling up and out of the room.


She hits the wall immediately outside the door and starts to run. She casts a terrified look back and then races on. She reaches stairs and runs up them, sobbing. She comes to another corridor and hurries to the door of Wallace and Piz's room. She bangs on it desperately.

VERONICA: Wallace, Piz, help!

There's no response and she sinks down to the floor. Her nose is bloody and she has a nasty gash over her left eye. She pants and looks over at the way she came. As she turns her head back, she becomes aware of a pair of legs coming to a stop next to her. Her eyes travel slowly up the body in fear. It's Moe.

MOE: Veronica, are you okay?

VERONICA: It's Mercer. Mercer's the rapist.

Moe is stunned. End music: "Right Here, Right Now" by Fatboy Slim.


In Moe's room, gingerly touches her face as she huddles on one of his chairs with a cup of tea. Moe is on his cell phone.

MOE: Room 212 Benes hall. Get here as fast as you can. There's been an attempted rape, and the rapist may still be in the room. Hurry, please.

Moe closes up the phone.

MOE: They're on their way.

VERONICA: The girl, Carrie Kaiser, she's still in the room. We can't wait.

To soothe Veronica's agitation, Moe kneels down in front of her, holding up a reassuring hands and leaving the cell phone on his desk.

MOE: I'll get a bunch of guys and go down there. Stay in here. You'll be safe.

[309/3547.jpg] Veronica nods gratefully. Moe exits the room, locking the door behind him. Veronica glances around the room. Her eyes rest on the notice board. In addition to a Silver Sun poster, a notice of some sort, a couple of postcards and a post-it note with a phone number are a number of pictures of Moe. The one in the centre is of Moe in the t-shirts used in Dr. Kinny's experiment to denote prisoners. Next to him is Mercer, in the t-shirt of a guard. Veronica stands and moves towards the board to get a closer look. As she reaches it, she starts to feel the tell-tale effects of being drugged. The picture and the increasing disorientation make her realise that she is not out of danger. She backs away from the notice board in horror, stumbling slightly against the chair. The mug drops from her hand and smashes onto the floor. Increasingly incapacitated by the drugs in her system, she gets to the door, but she pulls and twists the handle futilely as it is locked from the outside. She leans back against the door, in a panic. She spots the window over which the curtains are drawn. She weaves her way to it and wrenches open the curtains. She opens the window and looks out. She's at least three floors from the ground and below is hard concrete. She gasps again, in terror and turns back into the room. She sees something that gives her some home. Cut to a few minutes later. She is hiding in the closet. She has Moe's cell phone. Her vision is seriously impaired as she clumsily tries to punch in a number - 555-0123. She brings the phone to her. It rings.

VERONICA: [whispering] Dad, pick up.

As she waits, she spots something on the top shelf of the closet above her. Keith answer machine picks up the call.

KEITH: Hi, this is Keith Mars. Please leave your message after the tone.

Veronica pulls herself up and reaches for the object, a hammer. It is resting under a box full of hair. Veronica manages to get it and sinks back down. She looks at the phone again and sees with shock that her hand has pulled down some loose hair as well. More falls on her and she brushes it away quickly. She freezes on hearing voices. Veronica stops breathing.

MERCER: [offscreen] You said she was here, Moe.

MOE: [offscreen] She was.


From within Moe's room, Moe and Mercer look out of the open window to the concrete below.


They pull back and Mercer bangs on the window frame in frustration.

MERCER: You let her get away, Moe?

MOE: I'm sorry, sir.

Mercer punches him in the face.

MERCER: I don't care that you're sorry.

In the closet, the cell phone rings. Veronica gasps and goes to answer is quickly. In the room, Moe and Mercer hear the phone.

VERONICA: Dad, help.

The door to the closet opens.

MERCER: Get the phone.

Moe leans in to take the phone. As he goes to grab it, Veronica brings the hammer down on his foot. Bones crack. Moe screams.

MOE: Aah! Oh!

Moe hops away. Mercer grabs Veronica by one ankle and drags Veronica out of the closet. He leaves her on the floor to scream at Moe.

MERCER: Shut up! Stop blubbering, prisoner.

MOE: What are we gonna do with her?

MERCER: I'm thinking.

MOE: We're gonna get caught.

Mercer backhands Moe across the face.

MERCER: Shut up. We're not gonna get caught. Give me all the GHB you've got left. We'll get it down her throat. She won't remember last year, let alone last night.

[309/3812.jpg] As Mercer barks orders at Moe, Veronica feels something in her pocket. She struggles to get it.

MOE: I'm out of it.

Mercer grabs Moe by his vest. Moe cringes away.

MOE: No.

MERCER: Then watch her. I'll go to my room. I got plenty.

Veronica has managed to get the rape whistle out of her pocket and up to her mouth. She blows it for about three seconds before the boys get it away from her.


[309/3841.jpg] A couple of girls are walking up the hallway, oblivious to the rape whistle, but one of the dorm room doors opens. Parker emerges from her room, alert to the sound. She looks up and down the hallway.


Mercer hobbles into his room. He goes to a low locker and pulls out a can. He unscrews the top and shakes a small bottle into his hand. He gazes at it determinedly.


Mercer gets back to Moe's floor, limply badly. He looks up. Parker is standing in the middle of the hallway, hands on hips, like Fury.

MERCER: Hey, there. Uh, Parker, is it?

PARKER: Going somewhere?

Mercer points behind her.

MERCER: Uh, yeah, as a matter of fact.

He tries to pass her but Parker moves to stand in his way, putting her hand on his chest.

PARKER: Where is she?

MERCER: Uh, excuse me.

Mercer puts his hand on her wrist to remove her arm. Parker starts to scream.


Parker drops her arm and leaps (in so much as he can) back.


Parker is screaming at the top of her lungs. People start to come out of the rooms, including Moe.

PARKER: Rape! Rape! Rape!

MERCER: I just touched you.

A beefy resident arrives from behind Parker. He steps between them.

BEEFY RESIDENT: Buddy, what's up?

He looks back to Parker. Another RA is standing near Moe.

MOE: Mercer, what's going on?

BEEFY RESIDENT: Who blew that whistle?

MOE: [with increasing panic] Mercer, what do we do?

Parker looks back at Moe, suspiciously. The questions are coming thick and fast and Mercer doesn't have an answer. The beefy resident looks down at Mercer's leg where one of the trouser legs has a large bloody patch.

BEEFY RESIDENT: What happened to your leg, man?

MERCER: Pet cougar, all right? Look, show's over, people, okay? Moe, shut up and get in your room. Good night, everyone. Sweet dreams.

Parker continues to stares in accusation at Mercer. It gets to him.

[309/3915.jpg]MERCER: [nastily] What are you looking at?

Whether he heard something, or it simply served the script that he should say so out of the blue, the second advisor pipes up.

SECOND RESIDENT: You got someone in your room, Moe?

MOE: Mercer?

Parker looks back at Moe again, getting that Moe is behaving like Mercer's bitch.

MERCER: All right, you all have fun, okay? I'm out of here.

Mercer backs up. There are two RA looking types students behind him. Although one seems to move to block Mercer's exit, they let him slip between them.

MERCER: She's just a psycho, and you're all falling for it.

Mercer turns and hastens to the doors to the staircase.

MOE: Mercer, where are you going? Mercer!

Moe races after him. Parker and the beefy resident watch him go. The second resident approaches Parker.

SECOND RESIDENT: Are you okay?

Breathing shakily, Parker nods and whispers.

[309/3939.jpg]PARKER: Yeah.

She runs to Mercer's door.


She bursts in and gasps on seeing Veronica lying on the floor. She bends down to her.

PARKER: Oh, my God, Veronica. Oh, my God.

She lifts and cradles Veronica's head gently.


The dean is asleep on the couch in his office, his arms folded into his body. An egg hits one of the windows, having been thrown from outside. He wakes up at the tap-tap sound as more eggs hit the window. Momentarily disoriented, he gets up and walks towards the source of the sound. He looks at the window and more eggs hit their target. Looking somewhat tragic, he watches as the gunk slides down the glass. A last egg is thrown. Someone opens the door to the office, casting light and a shadow on the dean as he gazes at the window. He turns his head and looks at the visitor in surprise.

[309/4005.jpg]DEAN O'DELL: What are you doing here?


Keith is chewing out Sacks.

KEITH: When a bomb threat's phoned in, you evacuate the building. That's procedure, Sacks.

SACKS: Sorry, Keith.

KEITH: I'm taking my daughter home now.

Veronica is perched on the side, on the table where the coffee sits. She has a drink in a paper cup. She is still out of it, but less so than earlier. Keith helps her up.

[309/4017.jpg]SACKS: Sheriff Lamb's on his way in. He wanted to talk to her.

KEITH: [at a whisper] Yeah, right.

Keith ignores the implied order than they stay, holding Veronica close and walking her towards the door.

VERONICA: [groggily] I called you from Moe's phone. You've got his number saved on your phone now. He's not smart enough to turn it off.

Keith nods.


In some anonymous motel room, Mercer, his trousers pulled down is surveying the damage to his leg. His breathing is ragged with the pain. He looks up and nods. Moe applies a pair of pliers to the wound. Mercer's breathing quickens at the increased pain and he screams as Moe extracts the unicorn horn buried deep in the leg. With Moe still holding the pliers over the leg, the door to the room is kicked in. Both guys look up in shock. It's Keith and he has his gun pointed straight at them.

[309/4046.jpg]KEITH: Your ride back to Neptune is here, boys. I suggest you don't give me any more reason to shoot you.


Veronica, her face still showing the effects of the night before, is curled up at one end of the couch, her face free of makeup and her hair pushed back with a hair band.

VERONICA: Moe was the setup man.

She is explaining to Mac, sitting at the other end of the couch, Wallace, sitting on the arm of the couch behind Mac, and Piz, crouched on the floor next to Wallace.

[309/4057.jpg]VERONICA: He'd dose the victims, then call Mercer with the room number and give him the master keys he needed to get in. Moe was the one who shaved me in the parking lot. I don't think he ever planned on raping me. He was just providing an alibi for Mercer.

WALLACE: Well, what did the Pi Sigs have to do with it?

VERONICA: Nothing, just nights Moe and Mercer could be sure there'd be plenty of drunk girls, plus a convenient scapegoat.

MAC: Has Logan been by?

She shakes her head.

VERONICA: I haven't seen him.


Two deputies are sitting at one of the booths by the big glass window. Their Sheriff's department vehicle can be seen through the window, parked on the opposite side of the service road in front of the diner. Music: "Can't Get Over You" by the Digbees.

[309/4130.jpg] LYRICS: Baby, I could make a list of things that
I would much rather do today
But I think I'll lay right here and say

The deputies are deep into their reading. The bonnet/hood of a black Range Rover can be seen parking on this side of the service road. The sound of someone exiting the car alerts one of the deputies, who looks out of the window. It's Logan, staring intently at the deputies through the window, to make sure he's noticed, as he makes his way purposefully towards their car. He's carrying a baseball bat. The other deputy looks up in time to see Logan raise the bat and smash the windscreen. The deputies scramble to extricate themselves from their booth. End music: "Can't Get Over You" by the Digbees.


[309/4150.jpg] In the cell, Moe is lying in the top bunk, facing the wall. Mercer is in the bottom bunk, lying on his back and staring at nothing. He doesn't react steps approaching the cell, the rattle of keys or the opening of the cell door. Logan enters the cell. Mercer finally looks over and sees Logan, never more like his father than now, flexing his fists. As the cell door slides shut behind Logan, Moe also turns to see the new arrival. Logan's eyes are burning into Mercer, threatening grievous bodily harm or worse. Mercer opens his mouth as if to say something, then closes it and sighs.


Weevil manages to get the door to the office open, despite carrying the large piece of equipment that will turn O'Dell's television into a wonder of high definition. He backs into the room and turns, glancing around the office, ready with a smile. He stops at the sight he sees. Dean O'Dell is slumped on his desk. His head resting on his keyboard. There is a bullet hole in his temple. Weevil stares disbelievingly. End. Executive Producer: Rob Thomas.