2.08 Ahoy, Mateys!

Written by: John Enbom and Cathy Belben
Directed by: Steve Gomer

Original Air Date: 23 November, 2005
Transcribed by Inigo and Kiwikazoo.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: Previously, on Veronica Mars...

Tom Griffith reports to Lamb in 206 Rat Saw God.

DR GRIFFITH: I have information about that Mexican kid who got killed. I'm the one who made the anonymous call from the bridge.

Logan is arrested at Gia's election night party, held in Duncan's suite.

SACKS: You're under arrest for the murder of Felix Toombs.

LOGAN: Ooh, I am having the weirdest d&#231j&#224 vu.

The bikers bitch as they walk down the hallway at Neptune High.

HECTOR: Logan made bail in like two minutes.

WEEVIL: Maybe it is time we did something about Logan Echolls.

Veronica questions Weevil in 204 Green-Eyed Monster.

WEEVIL: The Fitzpatricks are meth-head lunatics, but they're not gonna kill a bus full of kids over three grand. Their problem with Cervando woulda been solved in an alley with a baseball bat.

Veronica searches for Meg's room at the hospital, not realising that Duncan is behind her.

DUNCAN: Veronica?

VERONICA: Duncan? How's Meg?

Cut to later as the Mannings confront Duncan and Veronica.

MR MANNING: If you really cared about Meg, she wouldn't have been on that bus.

End previouslies.


White-gauzed and perfect, Meg faces and addresses the camera.

MEG: Do you love me? Did you ever love me? On the bus, my life didn't flash before me. You did. Our first kiss. The last perfect moment we had together. Remember? On the beach.

Meg, dressed in white, is sitting in a white chair. A dark figure skates past her.

VERONICA: [derisory] Please.

MEG: You promised me. You made promises. You could save me. All you have to do is want to.

Veronica, on roller skates and dressed vampily in black, leans over Meg from the back of the chair. She addresses the camera.

VERONICA: I've heard enough. Have you heard enough?

MEG: What does she have? What does she have that I ha&#8212

Veronica cuts Meg off with a gag.

VERONICA: Well, I'M conscious. And that's just for starters.

Veronica moves past Meg, walking close to the camera.

VERONICA: Is that really what you want? Teddy bears and mash notes. Grow up. [coldly] Grow up and get over it.

Veronica draws back her arm, bringing it forward in a hard, backhanded slap.


Duncan jerks awake, confused and disoriented. He is on the sofa. Veronica and Logan are talking softly. Duncan blinks, trying to clear his head.

VERONICA: [offscreen] All I'm saying is, I followed him into the cigar shop, he bought some cigars, and he left.

LOGAN: (?) didn't your dad say...

Veronica and Logan are leaning against the wall, near the entrance to the suite.

LOGAN:...the cigar store is a front for drug dealers, I mean, that's gotta be something.

VERONICA: Or not. Sometimes a cigar store is just a cigar store.

LOGAN: Well I'll remember to be quippy when you're looking at twenty to life.

VERONICA: Oh, you're being a jackass. Must be an even-numbered day. I do so prefer the odd-numbered days when you're kissing my ass for a favour.

LOGAN: Well you find out why this plastic surgeon is trying to get me sent away for killing Felix and I will make sure that all even-numbered days are removed from the calendar.

Veronica glances over at the couch. Duncan is gone.

VERONICA: Did Duncan go to bed?

LOGAN: [impatiently] Yes. And he wanted me to tell you to give me your undivided attention. Pretend for a moment that your dog's life is at stake. Hey. Hey, maybe this so-called doctor is a pipeline to prescription drugs. That's how my paediatrician lost his license.

VERONICA: Well, it's pretty easy to check on something like that.

In his bedroom, Duncan can hear the murmur of their continued conversation, which he ignores. He has an envelope in his hands, presumably the one he took from Meg's air vent in 207 Nobody Puts Baby in a Corner. It is a small envelope, addressed: Meg Manning 23 Emperor Ct Neptune, CA 90909. (Note: this address was used before, for the Fullers in 117 Kane and Abel's and a similar address for Kane Software in 205 Blast from the Past, where it was "Emperior.") There is a return address: Chris Talley 5344 Fauntleroy Ave Seattle, WA 98144. There is a stamp and a postmark of which "Washington" and "2005" can be made out. Duncan turns the envelope over. Written on the back is "Private and Confidential this means you!" (The envelope appeared to be blank when Duncan retrieved it from the air vent.) The envelope is unopened. Duncan casts a glance towards the lounge where Veronica and Logan continue to talk. He thinks for a moment and then puts the envelope in a drawer.

VERONICA: [offscreen] I found something.

LOGAN: [offscreen] What is it?

Back in the lounge, Veronica has the laptop working. A screen shows a page from ethical MEDICAL.net, described as a free resource for holding physicians accountable. A menu offers the choices of EM Home, Research, Certified, Journals, Physicians and Contact, and there is a search box. The page Veronica has is headed "Latest News, November 17, 2005 Board of Doctors to Approve New Treatment for Cancer." An article by Sunil Patel (a marsinvestigations.net team member) follows: "As of late Tuesday, the preemptive [sic] approval by the Canadian Board of Obstructionists met with wide support in the adoption of the leading American Board of Doctors' recommendations for treating acute palidermal cancer growth. The controversial new treatment has received its harshest criticism from the Journal of Medicinal Maiz which contends that the Board has pushed through the new treatment for purely monetary gains and with no altruistic purpose. Read more."

VERONICA: Well, the eM website lists any disciplinary actions taken against its members.

Veronica is sitting on the sofa. Logan is sitting on the back of the sofa behind her, looking over her shoulder at the screen. Veronica moves to the page for Dr Griffith. He is listed as "Griffith, MD, FACS, Thomas L." It states that he is the proprietor of Neptune Cosmetic Enhancement of 6783 Highland Drive, Neptune, CA 90909, phone (619) 555-0196. There follows a list of his educational achievements, from his obtaining his Bachelor of Sciences in 1989 at State University of California to his Certificate of Microsurgery in 2000. Listed under both Education and Awards are a 2001 Citation of Achievement from the General Assembly of Surgeons in 2001 and a Humanitarian Award from Children First Medical Safaris in 2003.

VERONICA: Apparently, Dr Griffith was reprimanded.

The final entry is under the heading "Disciplinary Action." Dated 2003, the entry reads: "Danny Boyd v Thomas L Griffith, MD, FACS. Charge: Inappropriate off-site practice" MDM article...Sentence: Probation, $5,000 fine."

VERONICA: Something about an inappropriate off-site practice. Patient's name is...Danny Boyd.

LOGAN: What does that mean?

VERONICA: I don't know. But I'll check it out tomorrow.


A posh car pulls up next to Weevil, who is standing next to his bike, removing his gloves. The 09er driving calls out to him.

WANNA SCORE BOY: Hey man, uh, you got the stuff in yet?

He gets out of the car as Weevil turns to look at him.

WANNA SCORE BOY: I'm, like, wondering if I need to take my business elsewhere.

WEEVIL: What stuff?

WANNA SCORE BOY: I, uh, ordered an eight-ball.

WEEVIL: Coke? Who am I, John DeLorian?

Weevil looks around.

WEEVIL: I never sold coke to you, man.

Weevil suddenly grabs the boys' shirt, pulling hard enough to rip off all the buttons as he looks for the wire.

WANNA SCORE BOY: Hey, this is a two-hundred dollar shirt, man.

Weevil lets go, pushing the boy back a little.

WEEVIL: Really? It's missin' some buttons.

WANNA SCORE BOY: Hey, come on, don't jerk me around. I paid one of you biker guys.

WEEVIL: Oh yeah? Describe this biker guy you paid.

WANNA SCORE BOY: I dunno, he was...you know. Brown.

Weevil shakes his head. He turns his attention to the hubcaps on the boy's car.

WEEVIL: Hey. Those are nice rims. You know, I was thinking about gettin' me some just like those.

The boy nods happily until he realises that "those" might be exactly the ones that Weevil intends to get. He backs away, triggers the car alarm and leaves. Weevil smiles a crafty smile, satisfied in how he has treated the boy. The smile fades however as he considers what the boy has said.


A couple are in Keith's office.

CARLOS: Our son Marcos was one of the students killed in the bus crash.

Keith leans forward, offering a box of tissues to the woman, who is crying softly.

KEITH: I am truly sorry.

CARLOS: For the past three months, we've been grieving. Tr-trying to put our lives back together again. He-he was our only child. Our pride and joy.

KEITH: I can only imagine how difficult that must be.

CARLOS: Then try to imagine if someone was doing their best not to let you forget.

KEITH: I'm not sure I understand.

CARLOS: We're being harassed, Mr Mars. Someone is breaking into our house and leaving these.

Carlos puts a toy school bus on Keith's desk.

KEITH: Well, that's horrible.

CARLOS: We'll come home, and the house will smell like the cologne that Marcos used to wear. Marcos's pictures will be turned around in their frames. That's not the worst part. We've been getting messages on our voicemail from our son. We don't believe in ghosts, Mr Mars. Our son is dead.

Maria sobs.

CARLOS: The messages are just...nonsense. Old recordings of Marcos.

MARIA: We should just take Ned's offer, Carlos, and sell the house. We have nothing keeping us here.

CARLOS: We don't run, Maria. That's not us.

KEITH: So, I'm assuming you want me to find out who's been harassing you.

CARLOS: Oh, I know who's harassing us. I want you to find the proof.


Logan's Xterra pulls up in front of a house. Veronica is in the passenger seat. They both look out at a small rundown house with an old, cushionless sofa leaning against the wall.

VERONICA: This is it.

LOGAN: The owner of this dump sprung for plastic surgery?

Logan switches off the engine, takes the keys and opens the door, starting to get out of the car.

VERONICA: Hm. Uh-uh, you're staying here.

Logan pauses and looks back at her.

VERONICA: This takes a certain subtlety.

Veronica gets out of the car. She turns back and addresses Logan through the open window of the passenger's side.

VERONICA: But if I need anyone punched in the face, I'll whistle for ya.

Logan isn't overly happy but sighs and remains in the driver's seat, closing the door. Veronica reaches the door of the house and knocks on the screen door. A tattooed man in a wife-beater, carrying a large can of beer, opens the door.

VERONICA: Danny Boyd?

DANNY: Yeah?

He grins.

VERONICA: My name is Laurie Zachs

DANNY: Oh, I don't need to know your name, honey, just...tell me you're eighteen.

He looks her up and down in a lascivious manner.

VERONICA: Actually...

DANNY: Oh, who's kiddin' who. Like I care.

VERONICA: Okay. Uh, the reason I'm here...I was considering having Doctor Tom Griffith perform a, a surgical procedure on me and I'm one of those people who really likes to check a doctor out.

DANNY: Doctor Griffith, huh? He's a good man, but I wouldn't go getting too crazy, 'cause you don't need very much work done, you know, I mean, besides the obvious.

He points at her chest.

VERONICA: Yeah, thanks. Um, I noticed he was given a medical reprimand for a procedure he did on you, and I just wanted to see...

DANNY: He get in trouble for that?

VERONICA: I'm guessing it had to do with your face.

He laughs and points at his face.

DANNY: Huh. You'd think, huh? No. Come on, I'll show ya.

Danny steps out of the house. He heads off around the corner of the house. After a brief glance at the Xterra, Veronica follows. They pass washing hanging out on a line and a fierce pit bull, chained in the garden. They go through the back, into an alley, then through a back door. Music is blaring from the premises. There is a full skip by the back door and lots of empty beer boxes. On the wall by the door is a warning not to park (tow away). Veronica looks around warily before following Danny through the door.


Music: Jailbreak by Thin Lizzy.

LYRICS: Tonight there’s gonna be a breakout
Into the city zones
Don’t you dare to try and stop us
No one could for long
Searchlight on my trail
Tonight’s the night all systems fail
Hey you good lookin’ female
Come here!
Tonight there’s gonna be a jailbreak
Somewhere in the town
Tonight there’s gonna be a jailbreak
So don’t you be around
Tonight there’s gonna be trouble
I’m gonna find myself in
Tonight there’s gonna be trouble
So woman stay with a friend

A sign on one wall states that no person under twenty-one are allowed. Surrounding the back door through which they entered are small tri-colours of the Irish flag. On another wall, a full-sized County Wicklow flag, half blue, half yellow. At its centre is a divided dancette blue over green. Within the blue field, two oak branches are on either side of a lion guardant facing the fly, and on the green field is a white church-like structure. The words on the flag are Wicklow above the dancette and "Cill Mhantáin," the Irish name, underneath. In another corner, the walls are littered with sketches of tattoos and a tattoo artist sits under them, plying his trade. Over the bar, a sign declares that this is the River Stix, with the X created from two pool cues. The bar is dark and smoky, with people, mostly men, scattered throughout. Veronica pauses as she takes in where she is.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: Great. I've walked right into the River Stix, home base for the Fighting Fitzpatricks, Neptune's first family of crime.

DANNY: Come here.

Danny walks further into the bar, shoving aside a man standing by one of two pool tables.

DANNY: Come here. Check it out. Take a look.

He taps on a stain on the baize of the pool table.

DANNY: That's my blood.

He giggles.

DANNY: Can you dig that?

Veronica looks warily from the stain to Danny.

VERONICA: What happened?

DANNY: It was a little barfight. Man, you should see the other guy. I got forty-five stitches.

Danny pulls up the wife-beater to show off his stomach, and in particular, the deep scar of a knife slash across it.

DANNY: Good as new.

VERONICA: Plastic surgeon did that?

DANNY: Yeah, well, I mean, he wasn't tryin' to make it look pretty, he was tryin' to stop the bleeding. Doctor Griffith's, uh...

He doesn't have the words and shouts out across the bar.

DANNY: Hey, Liam! Liam!

A man sitting at the bar leans back to look at Danny.

DANNY: What do you call the good doctor, what do you say, he's kinda like a friend of the family, type thing?

Liam doesn't say anything but his eyes narrow as he sees Danny and Veronica. Danny carries on regardless, pointing back at a girl playing at the other pool table.

DANNY: My niece Molly, she saw the blood, she got freaked out and she called an ambulance, I got three months in County.

Veronica glances nervously at Liam who gets up from the bar and walks towards them.

DANNY: I guess the doctor got in trouble too, huh? Oh well, all's well that ends well, right? I mean, it's a conversation piece, that's for sure.

Danny thumps the stain as Liam approaches the other side of the pool table to them.

LIAM: Who are you?

DANNY: Uh, Laurie. Her name's&#8212

Liam doesn't want to hear it from Danny and addresses Veronica.

LIAM: Who are you?

VERONICA: Uh, I'm Laurie.

DANNY: She's gettin', uh, some plastic surgery done&#8212

From behind them, Molly, who has been watching with interest, speaks up.

MOLLY: Uh, her name's not Laurie. It's Veronica Mars, she goes to my school.

Veronica twists around to look at Molly.

MOLLY: She's Keith Mars' daughter.

Veronica turns back to face Liam, playing abashed but clearly scared.

VERONICA: Go Pirates.

She laughs a little.

LIAM: Veronica. Well, you're about to tell me the real reason you're askin' about Doctor Griffith.

Liam leans forward on the pool table, threateningly. Danny, finally realising things are not as they seem, backs away slightly, moving behind her.

LIAM: You lie to me again and you really will need a good plastic surgeon.

Veronica gulps and nods. End music: Jailbreak by Thin Lizzy.

Opening credits.


Music: Dakota by the Stereophonics.

LYRICS: Thinking about thinking of you
Summertime think it was June
Yeah think it was June
Laying back, head on the grass
Children grown having some laughs
Yeah having some laughs.
You made me feel like the one
Made me feel like the one
The one
You made me feel like the one
Made me feel like the one
The one
I don't know where we are going now
I don't know where we are going now
So take a look at me now
So take a look at me now
So take a look at me now
So take a look at me now
So take a look at me now
So take a look at me now
So take a look at me now
So take a look at me now
So take a look at me now
So take a look at me now
So take a look at me now
So take a look at me now
So take a look at me now
So take a look at me now
So take a look at me now

Veronica's interrogation continues.

LIAM: Tell me why you're here, Veronica. What? Someone send you?

VERONICA: No, it's...it really is plastic surgery. I just didn't want to use my own name because it was too embarrassing.

LIAM: You're a good liar. That's gonna make things so much tougher.

Veronica backs away from the edge of the pool table, but Danny is waiting and grabs hold of her. Veronica twists and ducks, planting her taser in his stomach. As Danny goes down, Veronica runs. Liam pushes a stack of beers on a trolley at her. Veronica goes down. Liam walks up to her as she lies, flat on her back, waving the taser. Liam grabs her wrist and twists until she drops the taser with a cry of pain. With one hand still on her wrist, he used the other to grab her by her belt at the front of her jeans and lifts her bodily off the floor, swinging her in an arc and landing her on the pool table. One hand easily encompasses her neck. Veronica desperately tries to pull his arm away, to no avail.

LIAM: Oh, all right then. That was fun!

Veronica makes a choking sound.

LIAM: But let's not stop there. Mark, Mark.

The tattooist looks up from his work.

LIAM: Bring it here.

Mark (or Mock) puts the tattoo machine on a small trolley and wheels it to the pool table. Veronica is still struggling ineffectually under Liam's hold. Mark hands Liam the tool.

LIAM: So what's it gonna be, Veronica? Hm?

Liam holds it up so Veronica can see it and hear its buzzing.

LIAM: Pink moon? Yellow stars? No? A green clover it is, then.

He brings it close to her cheek.

LIAM: So, I'm just gonna start in over here, and as soon as I hear something resembling the truth, I'll stop.


Liam looks behind him. It's Logan, standing just inside the back of the bar. He is holding out his cell phone.

LOGAN: I've got 9-1-1 on the line, who can give me the address here?

There is laughter in the bar.

LOGAN: No one?

Logan brings the phone to his ear and speaks into it.

LOGAN: Yeah, I've got one of those ankle monitors on, does that help? Yeah. The River Stix. There's blood everywhere.

Logan folds up the phone.

LOGAN: Hey Veronica, let's go.

LIAM: Well, lads, let's see how much damage we can do in the next two minutes.

Liam turns his head to address the bar. He does not see Logan pull out a gun tucked into his jeans at his waist.

LOGAN: Stop!

Liam jerks his head around and sees the gun, as do the others in the bar. Logan keeps the gun levelled at Liam.

LOGAN: I've had a very bad year.

MAN: Easy, boy.

Logan takes a few seconds to weigh Logan up before releasing Veronica. She gasps for breath and then again when she rises up and sees the gun in Logan's hand. Veronica pushes herself off the pool table, grabs her bag off the floor and stands for a moment next to Logan, who slowly starts to back up towards the exit.

MAN: Easy, Liam.

Veronica races to and through the door as Logan walks steadily backwards. He and Liam exchange a look of recognition that this is not over before Logan drops his gun arm and turns to walk out. End music: Dakota by the Stereophonics.


The Xterra pulls up in the street. Both Veronica and Logan look shell-shocked. Logan casts a concerned look at Veronica who is about to lose it. She starts to cry and leans forward, her face in her hands. Logan is abject as he stares down at her.

LOGAN: Hey, it's okay.

Veronica sobs harder. Logan moves to put his hand on her back to comfort her.

LOGAN: Look, you're gonna be okay.

At his touch, Veronica jerks up, throwing off his hand and shouts at him.

VERONICA: A gun, Logan?! A GUN? What are you doing with a gun? You're gonna get yourself killed, don't you understand that?

LOGAN: Look, it's...look, it's not even loaded.

VERONICA: Oh, I feel so much better.

Logan sighs. He pulls it out and leans over to put it in the glove compartment.

LOGAN: Dick's dad gave it to me. He said given my situation...

VERONICA: Given your situation, you should just move out of Neptune.

Veronica gets out of the car. Logan looks straight ahead as he pulls his foot up onto the seat, exposing the ankle tag.

LOGAN: Yeah, well, no can do.

Veronica gives a huff of frustration and slams the door shut, marching across the street as Logan stares after her. He swallows hard and looks devastated.


The door slams as Veronica reaches her desk, still shaken and tearful. She brings her hands to her face.

KEITH: Honey!

Veronica drops her hands and quickly wipes away a tear, trying to pull herself together as Keith gets up from his desk to walk to the door of his office.

KEITH: Did you know Marcos Oliveres?

VERONICA: Um...should I?

KEITH: Yeah, he was on the bus.

Keith notices her state.

KEITH: Hey, are you okay?

Veronica nods and sniffs.

VERONICA: Tough day. But yeah, I'm fine. Um, what about Marcos Oliveres?

KEITH: His parents were just in. They're suing the school district for negligence over their son's death and since they filed the suit they've been harassed.

VERONICA: Harassed?

KEITH: Toy buses left in their house, their son's cologne lingering in the air, phone messages from their dead son on the machine.

VERONICA: So what, the school district administration is harassing them to get them to drop their suit.

KEITH: I'm sure those school administrators are a sinister and venal bunch, honey, but in my experience, most crime is personal. Not these, these weird conspiracies.

VERONICA: Well, in my experience, that is exactly what THEY want you to think.

KEITH: Well, all the same. Would you mind asking around about the kid?

Veronica smiles.


Posters and flyers cover the walls, including a Movie Club flyer advertising an Aaron Echolls marathon. Most of the students are at computer screens around the walls of the room and a few are gathered at the news desk end as the latest anchor adjusts his tie. Veronica is standing in the middle of the room.

VERONICA: Marcos Oliveres. No one? No one can tell me anything? He was in this class. It's for an article for the Navigator.

Veronica looks around, puzzled at the lack of response. Finally, one of the students turns from his screen.

RYAN: Here's the truth about Marcos: he never said anything to anyone. He just kind of goofed off with the equipment and kept to himself. No one really knew him.

STUDENT: It's true.

Veronica considers this.


Veronica sits in a chair, going through the yearbook.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: Marcos Oliveres. Not pictured. What would it be like to be simply...forgotten?

There is a ping from her computer.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: Please be Wallace again, and please be more than the brush-off-y "I just need some time to think" he finally sent me yesterday.

Veronica gets to her desk and looks at the laptop. She has five emails. The one showing is from Keith. "Subject: Pick up food for Backup. Date: November 19, 2005 3:26L32 PM PST. Hey sweetheart, I managed to forget some things at the store. Can you get Backup's food, some orange juice and call and let me know if you'll be home for some famous Mars-Mystery-Meatloaf. I promise not to use those onions you hate. Oh, and it won't be 'well done', unless requested of course. Love, Dad." Of the other emails, only the sender and subject lines can be seen: Weiss Ti.../please!!, Doctor/:), and kt echolls/lol ü. The final email, from ofnight, has no subject.


Veronica opens the email from ofnight, dated the 20th at 9:34 PM and reads it to herself.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: "I heard you're doing an article about Marcos. I figure you probably didn't get much information, so I wanted to send a note so at least you had one thing to quote. Marcos was great. Kinda shy, but really interesting once you got to know him. Sorry not to sign this, but I've got a jealous boyfriend who knew I..."

KEITH: [offscreen and shouting] What?

VERONICA VOICEOVER: "...liked him, so..."

KEITH: [offscreen] This is the third time I called this week.

Veronica gets up from her desk. Keith is stading in the kitchen, speaking on the phone.

KEITH: I sent the damn thing back to you guys two weeks ago!

Keith looks up as Veronica approaches and grins at her, giving a lie to his performance on the phone.

KEITH: Look, I told the first person my name. Don't you talk to each other? You've got the serial number; you've got everything on those damn databanks! It's on the computer screen right in front of your face! It says WHAT?

Keith is almost screaming at this point. He listens to the response. His manner changes abruptly.

KEITH: [contrite] Oh. Sorry, my fault. Bye.

Keith ends the call.

VERONICA: Why must you make the tech support people cry?

Keith shrugs.

KEITH: Hm. I found this mp3 player taped under Mrs Oliveres' car playing a loop of her son's voice over her car radio.

VERONICA: That's creepy. And...bizarre.

KEITH: And it gets bizarre-er. This was paid for by the Neptune school district.

Veronica nods and smiles in an "I told you so" kind of way.

KEITH: You mind having a chat with the man tomorrow?

VERONICA: And I'll visit tech support, too.

Veronica grabs the mp3 and returns to her room. Keith grins.


Clemmons strides through the door. Veronica hurries after him, continuing a pursuit that obviously started sometime before.

VERONICA: It's just, we're doing an article for the Navigator on the parents' reaction to the bus crash.

Clemmons pauses at the door to his office.

CLEMMONS: Look, I'm just the Vice-Principal. Anything I say on the subject has to be cleared by the Principal, so...

VERONICA: So you're just a powerless factotum and I should talk to Principal Moorehead?

CLEMMONS: Yes. Exactly.

Clemmons goes into his office, leaving Veronica to sigh and drum her fingers on the administration office counter.


Principal Alan Moorehead has a shiny name plate on a very nice mahogany or similar desk, sporting a small, expensive-looking globe pen-hold, a small cannon, what looks like a small statue of Napoleon and a leather blotter and other leather accessories. His credentials line the walls. His office is very different from Clemmons's. Moorehead himself is smooth, grey-haired and in a nice suit, a sort of Blake Carrington of Neptune High. Veronica listens carefully as he pontificates, taking notes.

MOOREHEAD: It's a horrible tragedy. I sympathise with these families, I really do. We made settlement offers, but the Olivereses insist on suing. Now, if they win their suit, in the sum that they're asking for, we're talking no band, no art classes, fewer staff...so yes, we take this very seriously.

VERONICA: You are aware that an mp3 player registered to the school was found broadcasting Marcos Oliveres' voice in his mother's car.

Moorehead leans forward earnestly.

MOOREHEAD: Now we would know nothing about that.

He takes a business card out of his desk.

MOOREHEAD: Now if you have further questions on the topic, I'll just refer you to the district's lawyers.

He passes the card to Veronica. The card is for one Douglas Stern of Simon Stern, attorneys at law. The card is black with silver or white print. Taking up nearly half the card, on the left hand side, are the scales of justice, although the design is printed in such a way as to make it appear like the outline of a couple of pyramids.

VERONICA: Simon and Stern. They're big.

MOOREHEAD: As I said, we take this very seriously.


On one of the screens is a picture of the pyramids of Giza with the top of Khafre's pyramid blanked out to make it an unfinished pyramid. Over it is hand drawn a representation of the all-seeing eye. (American power in the Middle East? American vandalism in the Middle East? American money? The masons? Mars Investigations? MarsInvestigations.net? A plot point? Who knows?) Beyond the screen, Veronica is consulting tech support.

VERONICA: So what I'm trying to figure out is, is there any way to tell where or when a recording was made?

The mp3 plugged in, Mac moves her mouse around, staring at the screen. As it plays, Mac smiles, recognising the voice.

MARCOS: [recording] Okay, folks, that's it for me, I'm out.

MAC: Oh, hey, this guy?

MARCOS: [recording] Don't hate me.

VERONICA: You know him?

MARCOS: [recording] Don't hate me, I'm trying to tell it like it is.

MAC: It's Cap'n Krunk.

MARCOS: [recording] Truth hurts. I'm out.

VERONICA: Cap'n Krunk?

MARCOS: [recording] I'm out.

MAC: Yeah, he's one of the guys on "Ahoy, Mateys!" "Ahoy, Mateys!" - it's a pirate radio show, this-this weird sort of cult thing. There's these two guys, Cap'n Krunk and...Imitation Crab who just talked a lot of bizarre smack about Neptune High. If you knew about it, Cap'n Krunk's totally a star.

VERONICA: Wait. We're talking about Marcos Oliveres. I can't find a single person at school who heard him talk and now you're telling me that he's the Howard Stern of Neptune High?

MAC: You didn't want to get on Cap'n Krunk's bad side. He'd tear you a new one.

CAP'N KRUNK: ...I'm trying to tell it like it is. Truth hurts. I'm out.

Cut to a little later. Mac has pulled up the "Ahoy, Mateys!" website. In the background a theme song plays. Music: No More Guitars by the Secondhand Ska Kings.

LYRICS: Goin to the club to check out the ladies
Try to stay smooth but then what's the matter
It's long haired dudes all playing their guitars
And they're singing about how depressed all their friends are
But there's no soul
And that ain't&#8212

Whoever made the website was weak on grammar, making it "Ahoy Matey's." Cap'n Krunk and Imitation Crab are represented by cartoon pirate characters surrounded by nubile and scantily clad women.

CAP'N KRUNK: Ahoy, Mateys! Five-forty on your AM dial. Listen, or walk my enormous plank.

VERONICA: Oh, I get it.

MAC: It's not all crotch-grabbing scatological man-humour.

Mac moves to another screen which advises viewers to spin their dial to 520 AM Thursday nights and to "Catch all our Pirate Podcasts in archives!"

MAC: There's a little something for everyone.

VERONICA: Flatulent sound effects for me?

MAC: And bitter tirades for me.

Mac moves to another page. End music: No More Guitars by the Secondhand Ska Kings. This page list the archives:
04/28/05 006-Reasons Neptune Equals Hades
04/05/05 007-Jocks, Rocks, Docks: The Drowning
05/12/05 008-Van Clemmon's Torture: 101
05/09/05 009-Hedonistic History of Histrionics
05/26/05 010-Why Cafeteria Food Must Be Banned
06/02/05 011-Sloot 'R You
06/09/05 012-Job Had It Good
06/16/05 013-Bully Attacks: Why They Rock
06/23/05 014-Who's Our Hottest Prostitute?
06/30/05 015-Drug Users Are Honor Students
07/07/05 016-Krunk and Crab's Dirtiest Dozen
07/14/05 017-Ms Blank: Quit Your Day Job
07/21/05 018-Nerds: Get Laid or Get Lost
07/28/05 019-Peers Show Downsides of Incest
09/01/05 020-Habitual Ditch: Escaping Moorehead's Clutches
09/08/05 021-Using Your Looks to Fail
09/15/05 022-Guide to Getting Krunked
09/22/05 023-The Losing Battle: While You'll Always Be Fat.

MAC: I'll download a few episodes for you. They air every Thursday.

VERONICA: What's this four-week gap here?

Veronica points on the screen to the absence of shows in August, between 019 and 020.

MAC: Oh, they went on a little sabbatical.

VERONICA: Do you know why?

MAC: I suspect to torture me. Then they came back and Cap'n Krunk wasn't on anymore and it blew. So I stopped listening.

VERONICA: The show's still on?

MAC: A bastardized sub-par version of the show's still on.

VERONICA: Any way to find out where they're broadcasting from?

MAC: Yes.

Mac pauses, staring at Veronica, who looks quizzically at Mac's failure to proceeds, nodding her head forward in an "and...?"

MAC: Sorry, I was just seeing how long we could have a conversation with your side only being questions.

Veronica scoffs, in as "As if" manner.

MAC: We can track the signal.


Veronica takes a breath to ask another question, then catches herself, thinking quickly how to rephrase it.

VERONICA: I'd be interested to know if you had the capabilities to track said signal.

Veronica nods her head in satisfaction as Mac narrows her eyes as she stares at her. Veronica realises the justification of Mac's earlier charge and they both laugh.

MAC: Look, I'm happy to be the Q to your Bond, but crime pays. Technologically-assisted mystery solving? Costs. You wanna play find the crappy radio broadcast, momma's gonna need a few things from Radio Shack.

Veronica holds up her hands, part shrug, part "you got me" and nods. Mac disconnects the mp3 player from her computer.

MAC: Listen and love, my friend.

Veronica stands and starts to listen.

CAP'N KRUNK: And here it comes, Imitation Crab.

CRAB: Arrr!

CAP'N KRUNK: The winner of this week's cock...

The camera circles Veronica to segue to


Veronica stands listening and watching those around her.

CAP'N KRUNK: ...of the walk countdown.

CRAB: Don't leave 'em hanging, Cap'n.

CAP'N KRUNK: It's Logan Echolls!

The camera pans round to Logan, stiting with a group of 09ers, having a laugh and pizza.

CAP'N KRUNK: That's forty weeks running. Rosemary's baby: the teen years. If I was his mother, I'd kill myself too.

CRAB: Seriously, Cap'n, you name your daughter Roxie...

The camera catches a well-endowed girl sitting with four jocks.

CRAB: ...it's guaranteed at some point she'll be showin' her cans for cash.

CAP'N KRUNK: I'm saving up for that very day.

CRAB: Or get a varsity jacket and four litres of wine cooler and you can see 'em for free!

The camera alights on some cheerleaders and behind them, a boy sitting on his own, watching them.

CRAB: Yeah, Becker's a date rapist, but in his defence, he's hideous and stupid, so meeting girls is hard!

A girl is laughing with a boy. Her hand is stroking the inside of his thigh.

CAP'N KRUNK: So it seems Taylor read the fine print on her abstinence pledge and found a few loop...something? Oh right, holes.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: Cap'n Krunk bagged on everyone at school. So what if someone found out? Suddenly I've gone from trying to find out if anyone might have it in for Marcos to wondering if there's anyone at school who doesn't.

CAP'N KRUNK: Duncan Kane.

Duncan is also sitting on his own. He gets up to leave, in his own little world and not seeing Veronica. She watches him.

CAP'N KRUNK: He can't be that rich and that pleasant without harbouring a dark secret. What do you think, Crab? Serial murderer? Puppy strangler?

VERONICA VOICEOVER: Girlfriend ignorer? What's gotten into Duncan?


Duncan's Ramones sticker seems to have made its way to Veronica's locker as it is in full view as she changes over some books. She's about to close her locker when a hand grabs the door.

LOGAN: Hey, any news on nip/schmuck?

VERONICA: It's pretty clear, isn't it? Our favourite plastic surgeon, for whatever reason, seems to be owned by the Fighting Fitzpatricks.

LOGAN: Well, as far as I know I've done nothing to get their Irish up.

VERONICA: And I'm working on the connections, okay?

LOGAN: Hey, if you could exonerate me sometime soon, that'd be great. I really don't want a bottom bunk in Fisty McRapesalot's cell.

VERONICA: You want a top, I'm sure it's negotiable.

LOGAN: Help me, Mars-wan Kenobi, you're my only hope.

Logan slaps the door of her locker with the back of his hand and walks off. Veronica thinks for a moment then sighs, slamming shut her locker. She semi-turns and sees Weevil leaning against a wall, watching her. A couple of flyers are on the wall behind him&#8212an old one for the class of 2009's orientation, one for a group that meets on Thursdays at lunch and offers free pizza, and a third that seems to have been done by a child. Veronica walks over to him, her arms crossed over her midriff.

VERONICA: I'm feeling the calculating stare, but where's the villainous hand-wringing and maniacal laugh?

WEEVIL: You know, you should be nicer to me.

VERONICA: Or you'll huff, and puff, and burn my house down?

Weevil doesn't even blink.

VERONICA: [angry] You lied to me. What are you, working for the Fitzpatricks now, is that it?

WEEVIL: Lied? I'd be dead before I worked for those micks.

VERONICA: Methed-up lunatics, I believe, is what you called them before, giving me the impression that you didn't get along so nice. So imagine my surprise when the new star witness in Felix's murder case turns out to be a Fitzpatrick puppet.

This seems to surprise Weevil, although he gives nothing away.

VERONICA: They're scratching your back. My question is, how are you scratching theirs?

Veronica storms off. Weevil watches her and swallows hard.


Veronica has a signal tracker in one hand and her cell phone in her other.

VERONICA: Okay, I'm here, what do we do?

Mac, on another street, is identically equipped.

MAC: You got your signal dialled in, right?


MAC: Okay, the station only has, like, a two-mile radius, so just keep walking in the direction that gives you the strongest signal.

Both girls follow the signal on the their tracker and stay in touch by phone.

VERONICA: Wait, what if nerd hunters drive by and tranq and tag me?

MAC: That's a risk I'm willing to take.

Veronica smiles.


Weevil has gathered the troops who stand in a circle around him.

WEEVIL: Now, I'm just checkin' somethin'. Am I still in charge here? Huh?

The bikers mutter and nod.

WEEVIL: 'Cause you see, a couple days ago, some 09er comes up to me to ask me where the coke is that he ordered. He says some brown-skinned biker sold it to him. And then a little birdie tells me that the witness who came forward in Logan Echolls' case was bought and paid for by the Fitzpatricks. And it gets me wondering...did the rules change? Huh? Are we in business with these potato-heads and I just don't know about it? Did somebody here try to make some extra cash?

The bikers glance uncomfortably at each other.

WEEVIL: It's now or never, boys.

Weevil looks around at them. Thumper's eyes follow where Weevil glares.

WEEVIL: Go on, get outta here. Go scare some old ladies or somethin'.

The bikers disperse, muttering as they go. Thumper stays behind with Weevil as the others drive away.

THUMPER: You really think someone's workin' for the micks? Look, I'm just asking.

WEEVIL: The night Felix got killed. Did you see the guy who called the cops?

THUMPER: No, man.

WEEVIL: Why not? You were there. That's what you told me. That's what you told the cops.

THUMPER: Yeah, but the cops didn't have the whole story.



The bikers pulls Logan off the edge of the bridge. They start to beat him.

THUMPER: [offscreen] You went down, you were out. And after that, Felix was runnin' the show.

FELIX: Thumper, you and Doddie get Weevil back to his house.

Thumper and Hector looks at Felix, confused.

FELIX: Go, you gotta get his bike home!

HECTOR: Why don't you take it home?

FELIX: 'Cause, we got a extra bike now, dawg.

Thumper and a helmeted biker pick up the unconscious Weevil.

FELIX: Sully, go get Cervando, he's at Texaco, you bring him back here, tell him to get Weevil's bike back to his place. Go!

SULLY: Right.

Sully, also helmeted, nods and takes off. Hector is kneeling down by the barely conscious Logan. Logan rolls over and tries to get up.

HECTOR: You wanna jump? There's the edge, genius.

FELIX: You know what I always wanted? My whole life? A bright yellow SUV...

Felix bends down and pulls Logan back to flat on his back. He starts searching Logan's pockets.

FELIX:...for my surfboard and my snowboard.

Felix finds the keys and holds them up. Hector and another helmeted biker laugh.

FELIX: Bitchin'!

Unseen by any of them, Logan raises his hand. He has a knife. He stabs straight up, plunging it into Felix. Logan's other hand comes up to try and grab the keys. Felix falls and pulls Logan onto his side. Hector watches in shock and before he can do anything, he hears the loud horn of a truck coming towards them. Hector and the other biker race to their bikes and take off, leaving Weevil's bike, Logan and the Xterra on the bridge.


WEEVIL: [angry] You told me you saw it.

THUMPER: Hector and Bootsy was there, what's the difference? That's what happened. Come on, Weevil. We needed as many guys as possible. One rich white boy's word against the two of us? Man, we didn't tell you to protect you. If you didn't know, you never have to lie.

WEEVIL: One way or another, I'm getting to the bottom of this, okay? We're gonna find out what's true.


Music: God Is In the Radio by Queens of the Stone Age. Veronica and Mac meet.

VERONICA: The signal is strong here, strong like bull.

MAC: I think it's coming from inside the house.

VERONICA: Shall we?

MAC: Let's!

They head for the front door of a modest house.

VERONICA: Excellent work as usual, Q.

MAC: [English accent] Right back at you, Mr Bond.

Veronica knocks at the door.

MAC: You've got a plan, right?


The door opens. It's Clemmons, in his bathrobe. He looks horrified, as do the girls. The lyrics kick in.

LYRICS: I thought I saw him on the video

Pause: God Is In the Radio by Queens of the Stone Age.

CLEMMONS: Miss Mars.

VERONICA: I'm glad we caught you at home. Would you mind if we used your phone? We're both in a bit of a hurry.

Mac, though unimpressed so far with Veronica's plan, recognises Veronica's quote from "Rocky Horror" and follows up with the next line, after a quizzical look at Veronica.

MAC: Right.

Clemmons smiles and starts to close the door.

VERONICA: Actually, we're here to see Butt&#8212, uh, Vincent.

Clemmons pauses.

VERONICA: We have some, uh...

Veronica does air quotes.

VERONICA: ...homework questions.

She points at Mac, implying that it is an excuse for Mac to see his son. Clemmons looks at Mac with interest. Mac looks at Veronica with something akin to hatred as Veronica smiles back indulgently.

MAC: You are so...

VERONICA: Dead, I know, whatever. You're the one who was all "Let's go see what Vincent's doing, I wonder what Vincent's up to."

CLEMMONS: I'd greatly prefer if next time you would call first.

Clemmons opens the door wider to let them in.


Veronica marches in confidently. Mac follows, still gobsmacked at the role she is being forced to play.


Music resumes: God Is In the Radio by Queens of the Stone Age. As Clemmons leads them across the porch, Mac slaps Veronica's arm. Veronica nudges her back. Clemmons stops at a door and knocks.

CLEMMONS: Son? Vincent!

VINCENT: [offscreen] Um...private basement time, remember?

Veronica and Mac giggle.

CLEMMONS: You have visitors. Veronica Mars and her friend are here to see you.

VINCENT: Tell them I'm not home.

CLEMMONS: They're right here, son.

Pause: God Is In the Radio by Queens of the Stone Age. The door is unlocked. Vincent pops his head out suspiciously. Veronica doesn't give him a chance to tell them to go away, barging through the door.

VERONICA: Hey Vincent, whatcha doin'?

CLEMMONS: If, uh, if the girls would like some snacks and soda...

Clemmons smiles at Mac who grins back. Veronica goes down the basement stairs.

VINCENT: Look, what are you doing here?

VERONICA: Well we were hoping to bust a move, but the song's almost over.

Veronica turns up her radio. Music resumes: God Is In the Radio by Queens of the Stone Age. She smiles at Vincent as Mac joins them.

VINCENT: Look, I'm working on my models, so if the paint dries then the colour won't match.

Mac looks down at the table on which many figures are set out. Veronica looks at the radio she is holding. End music: God Is In the Radio by Queens of the Stone Age. Vincent is agitated.


Veronica holds the radio up to her ear.

VERONICA: I wonder why they're not playing another song.

Mac smirks.

VINCENT: Look, I want you outta here.

VERONICA: Why are you so...crabby?

Veronica uses her hand to imitate a crab. Mac moves behind Vincent and the shelving on which his models sit. There's a large table with a sheet thrown over it. Under the sheet, a red light can be seen blinking.

MAC: Um, Butters, you're blankie's blinking.


Vincent and Veronica follow. Veronica grabs the sheet and pulls it off. Underneath is the radio equipment.


Vincent turns off the equipment.

VERONICA: I have a theory. Wanna hear it? Here it goes.

Vincent sits down, resigned to his fate.

VERONICA: You and Marcos were buds, and then your dad found out about the radio show you two did together. And when the Oliveres family decided to sue, your dad made you a deal. He'd let you keep pumpin' up the volume, but he'd need recordings of Marcos, and a key to his house, and your radio knowledge...

Vincent looks increasingly bemused until he can't hold it back.

VINCENT: What? My-my dad doesn't know anything about the show. A vice-principal's kid ragging on the school? He would kill me.

Veronica and Mac exchange a puzzled glance.

VERONICA: Marcos quit the radio show more than a month before the bus crash. Why?

VINCENT: He went to camp. It was out of the blue. He must've gotten tossed off by a pony 'cause he came back all weird. He called and said he wasn't doing the show anymore.

VERONICA: Well, did you ask him why?

VINCENT: Yeah. We got together for hot cocoa and cinnamon toast and talked all about his feelings.

MAC: Oh! Like girls! Cap'n Krunk really elevated the comedy.

VINCENT: All I know, is he quit. Then, the bus crashed, and I really didn't have a chance to ask him about it after that. Can you go now? Please?


The door closes behind Veronica and Mac.

MAC: I really think he likes me.

They walk away slowly.


Veronica stands by some files, listening to Keith in his office.

KEITH: [offscreen] And that's where the recordings of his voice come from.

The camera pans round to show Keith is with Carlos Oliveres. Veronica can be seen in the background going slowly back to her desk.

CARLOS: So he was on the radio? I-I guess that's the perfect place for a shy kid. I mean, that is pretty enterprising, huh?

KEITH: He used the anonymity to poke fun at his classmates. It was sometimes a bit harsh, and it's possible he really offended some people. Enough to make them hold a grudge.

CARLOS: Come on. Marcos died. You really think a kid's gonna pursue revenge on a classmate's grieving parents?

KEITH: I had my daughter do a little digging at school, and she thinks something might have happened at summer camp that might have&#8212

CARLOS: I'm sorry, your daughter thinks? This isn't kids' stuff, this isn't about summer camp. It's about money. Those greedy sons of bitches at the district are trying to shut us up.

Keith walks to the door to close it, giving Veronica a comforting glance as he does.

KEITH: I just want to make sure that we look at every possibility.

He shuts the door.

CARLOS: [offscreen] Look. We've got three days to settle or drop this suit.

Veronica drops her head, although she can still hear. In his office, Keith stands, listening to Carlos.

CARLOS: Now, we know who's doing it; you just have to find something that proves it.

Keith and Carlos come out of his office, Keith putting on his jacket. Carlos exits the office

KEITH: I'm heading over to the Oliveres house. It's their bowling night, so I figured I'd do a little stakeout; see if I can't catch the guy in the act.

VERONICA: Good luck.

Keith follows Carlos out. Veronica looks down at the information she has collected. She has the Olivereses credit card details: Mastercard: 6321-126-6923-7829 and 6542-124-3299-9285, Visa: 1236-126-5896-9878, AMEX: 6331-556-8923-7899 and their Social Security numbers: 925-63-1278-Carlos, 987-55-7899-Maria and 912-55-7789-Marcos. She keys Carlos's name into Prying Eyez, together with his Mastercard number.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: If Mr Oliveres doesn't think camp is important, he's forgetting how brutal teenagers can be.

Onscreen, the credit card lookup return results are shown. In addition to the information Veronica already has, there's a date of birth for Carlos which is September 24, 1959 (same day as Aaron Echolls, hmmm). The billing address is shown as 4781 Adams Street, Neptune, CA, 98081. His credit card expires in June 2007 and his security code is restricted. His billing statement for the period of the month of July are set out:
07/01/05 Framingham Grocery $103.78
07/05/05 Divine Texts $24.42
07/06/05 Campaign Contribution RCCC Washington DC $50.00
07/06/05 Conoshow $31.07
07/10/05 Pet Treatz $41.43
07/14/05 Chimera Theatres$28.62
07/18/05 Framingham Grocery $113.41
07/19/05 Harbingers ID:99121DK $61.06
07/20/05 Crested Crane Restaurant $17.35
07/21/05 Conoshow $33.21
07/25/05 Framingham Grocery $98.18
07/29/05 Camp SelfQuest, Inc, Garden Valley, CA $320.00

VERONICA VOICEOVER: Here it is: itemized charges for July. Camp SelfQuest.

Veronica brings up a PlanetZowie page which has a number of diverse entries.
*Camp SelfQuest
Welcome! We're glad you're here! Camp SelfQuest is an intensive program for teens...SelfQuest offers a unique plan...SelfQuest can motivate a permanent change.
*Rehabilitation Centers - Camp SelfQuest
Starting from proven measures, Camp SelfQuest is the definitive leader in...deriving practices and techniques form esteemed members, CampSelfQuest can promise...
*Suspicious death at treatment center
CampSelfQuest has found itself in an all-too-common predicament. Jesse Fuller, an attendee at CampSelfQuest was found, in his cabin.
*The Queer Cure
"And God said unto Abraham, smite all thee that lust after thy own sex" as takend from a CampSelfQuest brochure. "Leaders in removing filth from the human soul."
*Camps of Purity
Camp SelfQuest makes the A list of organizations and programs. Established in 1980 as...response to the growing acceptance of homosexuality, Camp SelfQuest...
*...GOT Black List - May 2004
...topping a list of more than 300 established hate organizations, the charter member Camp SelfQuest...Camp SelfQuest (717) 555-0131, Garden Valley, CA.
*Camp Director: Leroy Wright
...founder of Camp SelfQuest, Leroy underwent his own transformation as a young teen. "Had...ad a Camp SelfQuest I would've been saved years of sin

VERONICA VOICEOVER: Not to be mistaken for the elf-hunting camp of a similar name.

Veronica clicks on the first and brings up Camp SelfQuest's own site. Flanked by pictures of happy teens of both sexes and media bites of "Save Your Teen Now!" and "Welcome God In!" the page starts with a menu, listing the options About, Attend, Schedule and Contact. It repeats the words on the search: "Welcome! We're glad you're here!" Veronica then reads the rest out loud.

VERONICA: "Camp SelfQuest is an intensive program for teens struggling with their sexuality. SelfQuest offers a unique plan proven to redirect teens to a more traditional, healthier lifestyle. SelfQuest can motivate a permanent change."

The page ends with the option to "Click here to learn more about our products and services."



The door opens and the ping of an alarm is heard. A hand punches in the code. The man walks across the dark kitchen with familiarity and turns on the light. He turns back into the kitchen and Keith races up behind him, grabbing him by the arm and shirt collar, dragging him back and face down on a table.

NED: Whoa, whoa! Ah!

Keith pats him down.

KEITH: Who are you?

NED: I live next door! I'm a neighbour! I'm just a neighbour!

KEITH: You always wait 'til bowling night to come calling on your neighbour?

NED: I came over to borrow a couple of beers, okay? My wife won't let me keep beer in the house.

Keith does a facial shrug and backs off.

NED: Ow.

Ned slowly lifts himself up off the table.

KEITH: So you come over here, toss back a few, maybe turn around a few pictures, spray a little cologne? You think your wife'd ease up on you a bit if you had enough property to extend your house?

NED: What?

KEITH: I know you're looking to buy this place, how bad do you want it?

NED: I came here for the beer. Ask Carlos.

KEITH: Go get your beer.

NED: I'm good.

Ned leaves, rubbing his arm. Keith smiles and looks around with a sigh. He sees something. In an aquarium, there is a toy school the front of which is embedded in the pebbles at the bottom. Keith takes it out. As he shakes the water off his arm, he also spots a piece of paper in the wastepaper basket, next to the aquarium. He picks it up. The number 8543 is written on the scrap of paper. On the back is part of the heading of Simon Stern. Keith pulls out his cell and dials.

KEITH: Mr Oliveres. Keith Mars here. Couple questions for you. Does your neighbour routinely keep beer in your fridge?

Keith chuckles.

KEITH: He does? And he has the alarm code? Okay. Second thing: another toy bus appeared in your fish tank. And I found a scrap of paper in your wastebasket with your alarm code written on it. It's scribbled on the back of some Simon and Stern letterhead.

Keith pauses to listen.

KEITH: Yeah. School district's law firm. Thought that would make you happy.

Keith listens again.

KEITH: Yep, I'll bring it to the deposition.

He grins.

KEITH: You're welcome, Mr Oliveres.

Keith smiles as he folds up the phone. He glances at the fish tank and then bends over it to look more carefully. He looks thoughtful.


Against the lights of the Ould Sod pub, Logan walks around the corner, carrying a brown bag. He pauses when he sees the Xterra blocked in its parking space by a white van.

LOGAN: Huh. What is wrong with people?

Logan heads for the other side of the van. He's met with a fist, which knocks him cold. Logan is thrown into the back of the empty van, licence plate number 4PCI075.


Logan is lying on an old bed, sporting a bruise on his cheek. A hand slaps his face. Logan starts to come round.

MASKED MAN: Wake up, sleeping beauty.

The man's gloved hand waves in front of his face. Logan tries to sit up. He starts to struggle as he realises he is tied to the bed.

LOGAN: What the hell is this?

MASKED MAN: It's the people's court, junior. You're on trial for the murder of Felix Toombs.

They are in some sort of warehouse. The bed to which Logan is tied is propped up, so he is lying at forty-five degree angle.

MASKED MAN: Sorry I don't have a bible for you to swear on, but I'll get the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me God.

The man, who may or may not be Thumper under a ski mask, pulls Logan's head up so he can see that there is another man, also dressed in black and wearing a ski mask.

MASKED MAN: That's your judge and jury.

The man pushes Logan's head back down.

MASKED MAN: I'm the prosecution. And you? You get to represent yourself.

The man has a cell phone in his hands. He straightens up and punches in a number. He holds out the phone as a microphone and brings it close to Logan.

MASKED MAN: First question for the defendant: what happened to Felix that night on the bridge?

LOGAN: I don't know. I don't know.

The man brings the phone to his ear and listens for a moment. He then turns to the other man.

MASKED MAN: Okay. He's all yours, judge.

Logan watches as the second man, the judge, approaches him. He has a gun in his hand. He spins the cylinder and aims the gun at Logan's left hand. Logan desperately tries to pull his hand away but is frustrated by the binding at his wrist. He shouts.

LOGAN: No! No! No! Oh, come on, man, don't&#8212

MASKED MAN: One in six says you take a bullet.

LOGAN: No, come on, come on, man, don't do this! Come on, what're you, crazy?

Logan is freaking. The judge pulls the trigger. There's a click.

LOGAN: Aw, jeez!

MASKED MAN: I'll ask you again.

LOGAN: Look, I&#8212

MASKED MAN: What happened?

LOGAN: I can't remember, okay? I swear to God, I can't remember.

MASKED MAN: You wanna try one in five?

LOGAN: Dammit, man, I'm telling you the truth, I swear to God!

MASKED MAN: You're a killer, aren't you, boy? Just like your old man.

The judge cocks the gun again. It is still aimed at Logan's hand. Logan starts to scream and thrash in his bondage.

LOGAN: No, please. No, God, stop it, please! Please! No! No! Nonononono! No!

The judge pulls the trigger. Again, there is a click and the gun does not discharge a bullet.

LOGAN: Aah! Oh, stop, please, okay, I don't know anything! Dammit, man, I swear!

MASKED MAN: Don't talk to me. It's the judge you gotta convince.

LOGAN: Please, I'm telling the truth! I didn't do anything, I swear to God!

MASKED MAN: Know what I think the problem is? This boy don't care about his hand. Let's try some more valuable real estate.

The judge lowers the gun, aiming at Logan's kneecap. Logan continues to panic and scream and struggle.

LOGAN: Come on, man! No! No! No! Please! Please, come on! Please don't! Please! Don't! Aah! Listen to me! Why would I lie, you guys?

The masked man listens to the person on the other end of the cell phone.


He turns to the judge.

MASKED MAN: That's it.

LOGAN: Please, no, come on, man! Please!

The masked man folds up the phone and slips it into his pocket.

MASKED MAN: We're done for tonight.


The white van pulls up. The side door to the van is opened. Logan is lying on the floor of the van, seemingly out of it. The masked man leans in to grab him, then looks over his shoulder to address the second man. As he does so, Logan lifts the cell phone out of the masked man's pocket.

MASKED MAN: Give me a hand, man. I think he might've wet himself.

They carry Logan out of the van between them and swing his body to throw him down a bank. Logan rolls down the bank. The men close up the van and drive away. At the bottom of the bank, Logan gets slowly to his feet. He looks around, breathing heavily, and then down at the phone in his hand. He flips open the phone and hits redial. He hears it ring.


Weevil's cell rings. He answers.

WEEVIL: Is it done?


LOGAN: Oh, it's just gettin' started, Weevs. You have no idea the hell you've just brought on yourself.

Logan shuts off the phone. He sniffs and takes in a shuddering breath as he looks around.


Veronica stalks Vincent, who is carrying his lunch tray.

VERONICA: Fish sticks and chocolate milk, yuck. That can't be good for you.

VINCENT: Can you graduate already?

Vincent puts his tray on a table and sits down. Veronica sits next to him.

VERONICA: What did Marcos tell you about Camp SelfQuest?

VINCENT: What the hell is Camp SelfQuest?

VERONICA: It's the deprogramming camp Marcos' parents sent him to. You know, to make him un-gay.

Veronica picks some food off Vincent's plate.

VINCENT: Marcos wasn't gay.

VERONICA: Sure about that?

She pops the food in her mouth.

VINCENT: Positive. He talked about chicks all the time. I mean, he wasn't a fairy, he was a playboy lovin' booty hound.

VERONICA: Do me a favour: never describe me.

VINCENT: He was all about girls. All the time. He almost got his ass kicked for it once.

VERONICA: By the girl?

VINCENT: By her jealous boyfriend.

Vincent sticks his fork into his food. Veronica helps herself again as she gets up from the table.

VERONICA: Okay, okay.

Veronica leaves with Vincent staring after her in a disgruntled fashion.


Veronica sits at one of the computer screens.

VERONICA: "Sorry, but I've got a jealous boyfriend who knew I liked him, so..."

Veronica pulls up a PlanetZowie universal mail account and prepares to email ofnight, heading the email "Free Tickets!"

VERONICA VOICEOVER: Maybe the secret admirer can give me an answer.

Veronica dictates to herself as she types.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: "Free concert tickets for high school students. The radio broadcast alliance is seeking students for a survey in concert promoting. To apply, please call 619-555-0127 immediately."


Carlos and Maria Oliveres are sitting outside the entrance to the Sheriff's Department, comforting each other. Keith arrives.

KEITH: Hi. I'm sorry I'm a little late.

CARLOS: That's fine.

Keith holds out his hand as Carlos stands. They shake hands.

CARLOS: Our lawyer said there'd be a few papers that you have to sign for us, in addition to testifying about what you've discovered.

KEITH: Excuse us a second.

Keith leads Carlos away from Maria.

KEITH: Before I'm deposed, there's something I need cleared up.

CARLOS: What's that, Keith?

KEITH: I found fish food floating in the aquarium. For the life of me, I can't make sense out of it.

Carlos looks a little uncomfortable.

CARLOS: I suppose the guy who broke in decided to...feed the fish.

Carlos knows this is not convincing. Keith stares at him sadly.

KEITH: I know this harassment, whatever the cause, must have been terrible for you. And I feel bad I didn't catch him red-handed. But I can't help but wonder if someone left that last toy bus and that scrap of paper for me to find. I'm afraid you don't want me testifying, Mr Oliveres. I suggest you take the settlement.

Keith gives Carlos a companionable pat on the arm and leaves.


Veronica is in what looks like a study hall. She is writing with one hand and has her cell in the other. The cell vibrates. She drops the pen and answers the phone.

VERONICA: Hello&#8212

She catches herself with a grin.

VERONICA: Radio Broadcast Alliance.

Too late, as the caller hangs up. Veronica checks the phone and smiles.


Veronica walks up a suburban street, looking for a house. She find 8875 Crescent and goes to the front door.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: One reverse phone book later and I've got the address of Marcos' secret admirer, and hopefully the not-so-loyal girlfriend of the crazy jealous boyfriend.

The door is opened by Roxie, she of the cans who likes jocks, according to the wits of "Ahoy, Mateys!".

ROXIE: Veronica Mars?

VERONICA: Roxie. I have a couple questions for you about Marcos Oliveres.

ROXIE: What about him?

VERONICA: Come on, don't play coy. You sent me an email. You called and hung up.

ROXIE: No, I didn't.

Out of sight, a car door can be heard slamming. Roxie leans further out of the door to shout to the new arrival.

ROXIE: Ryan! You didn't forget my milkshake, did you?

The boy who told Veronica that nobody knew Marcos is standing in the driveway, holding up bags of food.

ROXIE: Do you have an idiot brother, too?

Veronica looks over and recognises Ryan just as he recognises her. He nearly comes to a stop, before putting his head down and attempting to race past her into the house.

RYAN: You can get me later.

Ryan gives Roxie the bags and tries to force himself past her, but Veronica hangs onto his arm.

VERONICA: Ryan, I think I'll get you right now.

Cut to later as they sit on the bonnet of Ryan's car.

RYAN: I used to listen to the show religiously. I didn't know Marcos at school, I, I just knew who he was on the radio. I was pretty much in love with him. Marcos and Butters, they, they signed out this reverb mike from broadcast journalism. I heard it used in the show, so I knew it was them. I told him I was a fan. And thus began our beautiful friendship.

VERONICA: So you guys were like, a couple, or...?

RYAN: Ha. I wish. More like, I was madly in love and a hundred percent gay and he...liked me as a friend and was sexually on the fence. I kept trying to subtly push him over. I was giving him a back rub this one time, and his parents came home. For some reason, seeing their shirtless son with a boy straddling him was...upsetting. They shipped him off to camp homophobee and made him promise to never see me again.

VERONICA: And then he died.

RYAN: No. And then he was forced to do "normal" things. Like go on field trips to baseball games. Marcos is dead for one reason: because he was desperate to win back his parents.

VERONICA: Still, the Olivereses lost their son. Those pranks really hurt them.

RYAN: Good. That was the idea.

Veronica stares at him.


Music: Ocean City Girl by Ivy.

LYRICS: Moving slowly into the setting sun
Keeping secrets away&#8212

A naked Duncan lies in bed, apologising.

DUNCAN: I'm sorry I've been so out of it lately. Guess it's just a confusing time, you know?

MEG: I don't know why you're so confused.

Meg, also naked and lying in his arms, kisses him. He strokes her hair.

MEG: You either want to save me, or you don't. You know you're the only one who can.

They kiss again, this time more deeply. Music pauses: Ocean City Girl by Ivy. T-shirted Duncan jerks himself awake. He takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly. He jumps out of bed, turns on the lamp and retrieves the letter to Meg from the drawer. Music resumes: Ocean City Girl by Ivy.

LYRICS: Ocean city girl
Is saying goodbye

Duncan stares at the envelope for a moment. (The words on the back seem to have disappeared again.) He rips it open and starts to read.

DUNCAN: Oh my God.

Executive producer: Rob Thomas (who is a god). End music: Ocean City Girl by Ivy.