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2.03 Cheatty Cheatty Bang Bang

Written by: Phil Klemmer and John Enbom
Directed by: John Kretchmer

Original Air Date: 12 October, 2005
Transcribed by InigoMontoya and Black Lebaron.
Last edited: 7 November, 2006

VERONICA VOICEOVER: Previously on Veronica Mars

Veronica races to the edge of the cliff in 201 "Normal Is the Watchword."

GIA: It just went straight off the cliff. They're all dead.

At the bottom of the cliff, the debris floats in the water. Duncan holds Veronica. Cut to the Mars residence in 202 "Driver Ed."

VERONICA: I wonder what else the bus driver bought. Well, what if it was No-Doz, or Red Bull?

KEITH: Veronica, you can't try to make sense out of this.

Veronica shields the wick for a man in a Hawaiian shirt to light a votive candle. She surveys the scene.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: I don't even know what I'm looking for. Skid marks the Sheriff's Department missed, or purposefully overlooked. There's nothing here to help anyone.

Jackie gives Wallace a kiss.

VERONICA: [offscreen] Who was that kissing you?

Jackie gets into her car, giving a wave.

WALLACE: That was Jackie.

Veronica, with barely disguised dislike, stands with Wallace and watches Jackie leave.


Logan and Kendall are naked in the middle of the Casablancas lounge, sitting up and in each other's arms, kissing.

KENDALL: Hold it.

They look up in the direction of the front door.

KENDALL: Someone's home.

Cut to Kendall, lightly robed, nail polish spread out before her, welcoming her husband home with a kiss.


Beaver and Dick watch.

BEAVER: Ah, why is Logan's truck in the driveway?

KENDALL: And I'd really rather your friends not just show up whenever they want.

At the park, Woody addresses Keith

WOODY: I'm running for county supervisor because I care about this town, Keith. I want you to run for sheriff.

Keith cooks at the Mars residence.

KEITH: I told him I'm running.

Veronica holds Keith's arms, post-hug.

VERONICA: I feel safer already.

At the beach, the body of the Hawaiian shirted man is examined by Lamb.

LAMB: Hey, check this out.

He opens out the man hand. Written on it is "Veronica Mars." End previously.


Students traverse the hall in different directions.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: Senior year. College applications due in three months, scholarship applications in six.

[203/0042.jpg]Veronica appears from around the corner. As the other students walk at normal speed, Veronica's walk is filmed in slow-motion as she heads for a classroom door.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: Since most of my extra-curricular activities cannot be divulged under state law, my guidance counsellor strongly suggested I indulge in a little resume packing. So as of now, Veronica Mars…

Veronica reaches the door and opens it.


VERONICA VOICEOVER: Is a Future Business Leader of America.

She walks forward into the room, smiling at the teacher as she passes him. He makes his way to the front of the room.

POPE: Okay.

He claps to bring the class to order. His smile beams out to the room.

POPE: I'd like to begin our local profile series by introducing the CEO of Casablancas Enterprises, Mr. H Richard Casablancas.

He points to his desk against which Big Dick Casablancas is leaning. The students, their desks arranged in horseshoe fashion around the room, applaud. The students include Logan, Beaver, Dick and Duncan. There is an empty desk next to Duncan. There are various whoops and woos and shouts with the applause.

STUDENT: All right, Mr. Casablancas.

Veronica makes her way around the horseshoe, behind Logan and Beaver, heading for Duncan. Dick looks up at her as she passes. She pauses.

DICK: Uh, sure you're not looking for the Future Bootlickers of America?

Veronica gives a "You're so funny" laugh before she moves on.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: So, what am I doing in Neptune High's own little billionaire boy's club instead of joining French Club or Model United Nations?

Veronica settles into the desk next to Duncan, setting her bottle of water and packaged salad onto its surface.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: I blame my billionaire boyfriend, Duncan Kane.

She turns to Duncan and they kiss.

VERONICA: [whispers] So, who are we exploiting now?

DUNCAN: The workers.

They kiss again.

VERONICA: [a la Mr. Burns of The Simpsons] Eggs-cellent.

Veronica waggles her fingers. Duncan laughs. Logan reacts to their cooing in disgust.

LOGAN: And now I've lost my appetite.

He drops his burrito onto the tray on his desk. Duncan and Veronica both make faces equivalent to an eye-roll. Around the room, various chattering is continuing.

STUDENT: Yeah, thanks.

STUDENT: Is that sharpened?


At the front of the class, Big Dick is ready to start his talk. He glances at Dick, whose wave and smile he acknowledges. Beaver smiles and gives a little wave, which Big Dick ignores. Beaver's smile fades.

BIG DICK: Good afternoon. Uh, I'm here to talk to you kids about the real estate business. Now, uh, there's nothing wrong with stocks or bonds or pork bellies or whatever else, but when I put my money into something, I like to see what I'm getting. I'm gonna kick the tires if you will.

LOGAN: Mmm-hmm.

BIG DICK: Of course, uh, most people can't just plop down a hundred and thirty seven million dollars for an office building in downtown Tokyo.

On a screen behind him, a presentation is in progress and a large office building is displayed.

BIG DICK: That's where real estate investment trusts…

On screen, the picture gives way to a graphic. It is headed "Casablancas REIT Enterprises." Underneath the heading "Real Estate Investment Trusts" is set out the following: Benefits of an REIT:
• Avoid double taxation from property exchanges
• Pool resources with other investors
• Stable, less fluctuations vs. personal ownership
• 90% of net income goes to you, the investor
• Directly own income-generating property
• Professionally Managed by Casablancas Enterprises
• No landlord duties or obligations
• Low share price ($50/share)*
• Diversifies portfolio
*As of 11/2004
On the right hand side, under the heading "Casablancas REIT Performance vs. Leading U.S. Benchmarks," are listed Casablancas REIT and three comparators, NASDAQ Composite, S&P 500 and Dow Jones Industrial, all colour-coded, over an empty bar graph with a scale of 0-15 rising in increments of 3.75.

BIG DICK: Or REITs, come in.

Big Dick advances the screen and the bar graph fills, showing Casablancas REIT with a figure of 13.2, NASDAQ Composite with 10.4, S&P 500 with 8.7 and Dow Jones Industrial with 7.5. Appreciative noises come from the students.

BIG DICK: A single fifty dollar share in my company-

POPE: Fifty-two sixteen, to be precise.

BIG DICK: Very good. Allows your average Joe to pool his resources with other investors and own a piece of that tower...and these condos...and this hotel.

[203/0236.jpg]The graphic blends through pictures of large, modern buildings.


Veronica flips through the brochure, lingering on a picture of the Sandpiper Luxury Hotel and Resort. It comprises two multi-storey buildings set in a palm-trees-and-beach paradise.

BIG DICK: But, forget the eye-candy. Here's a chart of our market capitalization versus earnings over the last two years.

The new "Market Capitalization vs. Earnings" bar chart shows figures for 2003 and 2004, with earnings significantly higher. 2004 is an improvement on 2003.

BIG DICK: Now, how's that look?

LOGAN: Awesome.

Veronica, still scanning the brochure, looks up and over at Logan and the other 09ers.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: It looks like it's always looked. The rich get richer, and everybody else hopes for scholarships.


Veronica exits the school, followed closely by Beaver.

BEAVER: Hey, Veronica?

VERONICA: Hey Beav, er, ah, I mean Cassidy.

He walks along with her.

BEAVER: I think it's cool that you're joining FBLA, what, you being a girl and all.

VERONICA: And a poor one at that.

Beaver pauses as Veronica mounts some steps.

BEAVER: May I talk to you for a sec?

VERONICA: You are talking to me.

Veronica pauses and looks back at him.

BEAVER: About my dad? I'm worried. You know, he might-

[203/0312.jpg]She laughs and continues on her way up the steps.

VERONICA: Seemed to me he was doing just fine for himself.

Beaver runs up the steps to keep up with her.

BEAVER: No, look, it's not money, okay? Well it is-it is money, but it's my step-mom, she's a gold-digger and it's obvious to everyone else in the world except for my dad. All she does is spend his money.

They pass one of the "Welcome Class of 2006" banners displayed over the empty lunch area.

VERONICA: Unfortunately, there are no laws against exploiting rich and horny middle-aged men.

They pass by another banner: "Pirate Pride? Support Your Teams."

BEAVER: Yeah? Well, the pre-nup doesn't allow her to cheat on him either. I found a condom wrapper in the couch.

VERONICA: Hardly a smoking gun, given your brother's proclivities.

Another banner calls for Yearbook Volunteers, asked to sign up in room 113.

BEAVER: Look, it's just a hunch, okay, but I'm willing to pay you a lot of money to back it up with hard proof.

Veronica pauses and turns to face Beaver.

VERONICA: Define "lot."

BEAVER: Five hundred for a picture of Kendall violating her pre-nup.

VERONICA: Thousand.


Beaver takes a piece of paper from the stack of books he is carrying and hands it to her.

BEAVER: That's her schedule. Good luck.

She gazes after him as he goes.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: Well, I just might be a Future Business Leader of America yet.


Veronica saunters past one of the school buses, number 188l, manufactured by Thomas, as she considers the list in her hand.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: Ten o'clock, brunch with the girls. Twelve o'clock, Pilates class with Lorenzo and three o'clock, spa reservation for shiatsu massage, organic enzyme facial and, I'm willing to wager, a sunshine colonic. Ah, maybe I should consider a career as a Neptune trophy wife.

She puts the list in her bag and slows to a stop as she sees something in front of her. That something is Deputy Sacks, leaning against his sheriff's department car.

SACKS: Sheriff wants to ask you some questions.

VERONICA: My answer was final. I will not go to prom with him.

[203/0439.jpg]Sacks opens the front passenger door of his vehicle.


Veronica holds out her hands, wrists together.

VERONICA: Deputy Sacks, take me away.


Veronica and Lamb are in one of the interrogation rooms, staring at each other across a table. Veronica has her arms folded whereas Lamb is sitting back, arms laid out along the arms of his chair, holding a metal mug in one hand. The table is bare except for a file, in front of Lamb. The silence goes on. Lamb raises the mug to his face, pauses, then takes a drink. He takes the liquid through his teeth then drops his arm.

LAMB: So, I guess you know why you're here. You wanna tell me about it?

Veronica stares at him a moment longer.

VERONICA: [Seriously] Okay.

She leans forward, putting her elbows on the desk, and takes a deep breath.

VERONICA: I confess.

She pounds her fist on the table and looks to the heavens.

VERONICA: God, you're good!

Lamb isn't amused. Veronica sits back in her chair, her arms still folded across her body.

VERONICA: I have no idea why I'm here, but I'm sure my dad was interested to know why you hauled his daughter in and subjected her to the crime-busting stare for no apparent reason.

Lamb, who had been balancing his chair on two legs, surges forward, the front legs of the chair thumping down on the floor. He brings his mug down onto the table with equal emphasis.

LAMB: He didn't need to know that you were here. You're eighteen now, kiddo, you're an adult.

VERONICA: Well that makes one of us. So are you gonna tell me why I'm here or should I just sit back and enjoy your impression of a mildly-constipated David Caruso.

LAMB: What can you tell me about your relationship with this man?

[203/0549.jpg]Lamb slides the file to Veronica. She opens it. The top sheet is a mug sheet for David "Curly" Moran, the man from the bus crash site who turned up dead on the beach. Standing just under six foot, Moran's description and criminal record are set out under pictures of his front and right half-body profile and his fingerprints. The card he holds in the pictures marks him as 1836352.

VERONICA: Ah yes, I remember that summer. He was a roadie for Whitesnake; I was singing back-up for Boyz II Men. They said it would never work, but-

LAMB: I'm glad that you find this amusing. Mr David "Curly" Moran. You've never seen him before in your life?

Veronica lays down the rap sheet and picks up the next item in the file. It is a picture of Moran, in another loud shirt, posing on a motorcycle. The photo is tagged with the crime number (A123-561) and his name. Veronica recognises him with something akin to shock.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: Somewhere, those million chimps with their million typewriters must have finally written King Lear


[203/0609.jpg]Veronica stands looking over the cliff. Beyond her, Moran is knelt down by one of the temporary tributes, trying to light a votive candle.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: Because Sheriff Lamb is actually right about something.

Veronica looks over and sees him struggling to light the candle.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: I have seen this man before.

Veronica goes to him, bends down and cups her hand at the side of the candle to shield it. There is nothing written on his left hand. He lights the candle and looks up at her. There is no apparent recognition.

MORAN: [gruffly] Thanks.


Veronica stares down at the picture of Moran. Lamb sees that she recognises him.

LAMB: So you have. I thought so.

He reaches to his side and pulls out a small, clear evidence envelope.

LAMB: Missing an earring?

The earring is a square on square shape, covered in diamond or diamond-like chips. It is similar if not the same as the earring Weevil was wearing in 201 "Normal is the Watchword." Lamb drops it on the table.

VERONICA: I'm not exactly a diamonds kind of girl-

LAMB: It was found outside the Road Hog, biker bar up the PCH, last place Curly here was seen.

VERONICA: Again, what does this have to do with me?

LAMB: It seems that Curly had your name on him.


Lamb pulls another file from the side and tosses it in front of Veronica. She opens it quickly. There are more photographs. The first is an overhead of the body and the second is a close-up of his left hand on which is written "Veronica Mars."

[203/0702.jpg]LAMB: This body washed up on the beach...beaten to death.

Lamb rises and leans over the table, looming over Veronica.

LAMB: Amusing, huh?

Veronica stares up at him, not amused.

Opening credits.


A knife cuts a rare steak into strips. Alicia holds a large glass of wine as she talks to Keith from her perch at the kitchen counter.

ALICIA: So, he was serious about wanting you to run?

KEITH: Why not? I'm a good candidate. I've been sheriff before. I know where the office is.

Keith finishes slicing and fetches an open bottle of red wine from the other side of the kitchen.

KEITH: I look great in the hat. And I am a local celebrity, you know, with a book currently hovering at number ninety-seven on the New York Times best sellers list.

[203/0754.jpg]He fills Alicia's glass.

ALICIA: Ninety-seven?

KEITH: Um-hmm.

ALICIA: So is that good or bad?

Keith picks up his own glass of wine.

KEITH: Well, as we say in the book biz, it's sort of okayish. But they believe in it...

They take sips of their wine.

KEITH: So, I'll probably be flogging it until someone famouser than Aaron Echolls murders someone. And speaking of which, I've got a signing this weekend and how do you feel about a romantic get-away? Chicago. You, me, and Chi-town, the Windy City, the City with Broad Shoulders where the fog comes on little cat feet. What do you think?

ALICIA: Well, this business about the cat feet sounds intriguing.

KEITH: Oh, it gets better. They're putting me up at the Rossmore Hotel and there's a nightclub at the top with this great jazz place. How great would that-

Alicia is hesitant.


KEITH: What? I thought you liked jazz. Is it Kenny G? He ruined it for you?

Alicia laughs.

ALICIA: No. It's very perfect.

She cups his face in her hands and they kiss. Veronica enters from outside and is grossed out.

VERONICA: Ahh, child in the room, hands at your sides, please.

KEITH: Hey, honey, just in time for steak.

VERONICA: I had a bite, thanks.

Veronica passes them, heading for a cupboard.

KEITH: You okay, sweetie?

VERONICA: I'm super. Thanks for asking.

KEITH: That's what I like to hear.

She gets out a glass and pours herself some water from a filter jug. Keith and Alicia continue to gather their dinner together.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: I know. And that's why you're not gonna hear about the dead man with my name on his hand, because I like being able to leave the house without an armed escort.

Veronica downs her drink and hightails it to her bedroom.

VERONICA: Okay, feel free to make out now.

In her bedroom, Veronica researches on her laptop at her desk. She has four windows open on her screen. The bottom most is a Planet Zowie (Google equivalent) result page of images of Kendall. On top of that is a page with Moran's details. Overlaying it is a copy of Moran's rap sheet. Topping them all is a headshot picture of Kendall.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: Don't they make a cute couple?

Veronica brings the Planet Zowie page to the top. There are eight images fully visible.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: Kendall Lacey Casablancas, nee Lacey Shifflet.

Veronica clicks on and brings up another headshot, one that looks like a high school yearbook picture.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: Just another Arizona State dropout turned…

She brings up a picture of Kendall with three black musicians. The file name identifies them as Town Posse.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: Feature music video background dancer turned…

She clicks on the picture of Kendall in cheerleading outfit and pose.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: Laker Girl, living off a ten-thousand dollar a year salary, a purse full of credit cards and a string of baller boyfriends.

Veronica moves on to a wedding picture – a full body shot of Kendall and Big Dick Casablancas against a lake, Kendall's wedding dress train pooled at their feet. She then brings up a close shot of the happy couple.

[203/1002.jpg]VERONICA VOICEOVER: Until a twice-divorced white knight swept her away to bimbo paradise.

Veronica brings up the PryingEyez page.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: And for a True Hollywood Story without the happy ending, David "Curly" Moran.

Moran's details include his social security number (972-15-3139), date of birth (October 6th, 1958) and his most recent address: 673 Casabian Apartments, Neptune, CA 91091. A previous address (689 Gregory Lane Apt 2C, Los Angeles, CA 91241) is also listed.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: One-time stunt-man who crashed his career in the eighties. Just remember kids, crystal meth and precision driving don't mix.

His criminal record is displayed:
07-04-1997 – Assault – Los Angeles Supe…
02-01-1997 – DUI (Alcohol) – Los Angeles
11-18-1986 – Possession w/Intent to Sell
System – Imprisonment (3 years – San Qu…
08-23-1984 – Possession w/Intent to Sel…
Court – Fine ($300) Probation (1 year)
04-05-1982 – DUI (Methamphetamine) – S…
License Suspended
The Division of Motor Vehicles also records his two DUI convictions.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: Between the three-year stint at San Quentin for assault and washing up on the beach with my name on his hand, Curly made his living at...

Last Employer: Symbolic Motor Car Company, 7734 Convoy Drive, Neptune, CA 90927. Phone: (619) 555-0137.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: Symbolic Motor Car Company.

Veronica makes a note of the name and address.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: A compelling life-story to be sure, but what does any of it have to do with me? And why would this man have my name magic-markered across his hand? Did I get really drunk at a biker bar?

Veronica's bedroom door opens and Keith enters as Veronica quickly closes the lid of the laptop.

KEITH: So what's up, kiddo?

VERONICA: None of your beeswax.

Keith folds his arms and looks down at her, smiling.

VERONICA: All right, I'll show you...but you're gonna have to answer a couple of my questions first.

Keith beats his chest with his fists.

VERONICA: Sit down, King Kong.

Keith collapses into the chair with something of a flourish, holding out his arms in a "Here I am" gesture.

VERONICA: So, now that you've filed the official divorce papers from Mom, [conspiratorially] are you taking Wallace's mom to Chicago to propose to her?

KEITH: Honey...

VERONICA: Don't think I won't rifle through your luggage for that ring.

KEITH: There is no ring.

VERONICA: Promise bracelet? Pre-engagement pendant? Earrings? Anything that according to the hip-hop cognoscente can be qualified as "bling."

KEITH: Honey, can't a guy just take his special lady friend on a romantic-


KEITH: Veronica, I promise, as soon as Alicia and I know what the next step is, you'll know what it is. Okay?

VERONICA: Okay. Then I have something to admit.

Keith leans forward. Veronica lifts the top of the laptop, showing him the screen.

VERONICA: I love unicorns.

Her screen wallpaper is full of unicorns. Keith just stares.

VERONICA: What, Dad? Girls are crazy about unicorns!

She points to one, her face going all babyish.


Music: "I Turn My Camera On" by Spoon.

LYRICS: I turn my camera on
I cut my fingers on the way
On the way. I'm slippin away
I turn my feelings off
You made me untouchable for life
And you wasn't polite
It hit me like a tom
You hit me like a tom
On, on and on
I turn my camera on the tom
I turn my camera on the tom
On and on
I turn my camera on
The camera stay on

[203/1154.jpg]EXT– NEPTUNE STREETS – DAY.

Kendall gets out of her black Mercedes convertible, carrying a purse and a large black bag. An iPod Shuffle hangs from her neck. She hands her keys to a valet.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: Another thing girls love are Jimmy Choos, Dolce & Gabbana, and convertibles that cost more than the Gross National Product of Sri Lanka.

Veronica has her camera trained on Kendall as she watches from the car.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: If she's a gold-digger…


Kendall swans past people working on equipment. Veronica follows, camera in hand.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: She's doing a pretty bad job of hiding it. But it sure makes my job easier. Tailing young Mrs. Kendall is about as hard as hard as following Malibu Barbie to the beach house.

Veronica slips behind a glass brick wall to observe Kendall at she sits at a small, high table. A waitress brings Kendall a drink and cake. Veronica takes pictures.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: So far, Kendall is only guilty of violating her Atkins diet.

A man in sweats joins Kendall. He is also carrying a large black bag which Kendall taps. She smiles.

[203/1232.jpg]VERONICA VOICEOVER: Now we're talking.

Veronica snaps away, taking pictures of the man paying for Kendall's food and drink as she smiles up at him.


Kendall and the man, each holding black bags, talk. Veronica emerges from behind a bush a takes another picture. The valet arrives with his car and he opens the door for Kendall to get in.


Veronica is in her car, still taking pictures.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: Ahh, the inevitable.

[203/1302.jpg]Kendall and the man are on the outside walkway of a motel, heading for room 304.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: Sorry elder Dick, looks like your too-good-to-be-true bride is too good to be true. Hope you like cheap hotels, hot-stuff, 'cause that's all you'll be able to afford when all this is over.

From inside the room, Kendall goes to close the curtain. End music: "I Turn My Camera On" by Spoon. The picture segues seamlessly to…


Veronica looking at the picture before slipping it and the rest back into an envelope. Wallace joins her at her table.

WALLACE: What are you looking at?

VERONICA: Just...tawdriness.

Veronica watches Wallace take his lunch out of a paper bag. The first thing he takes out is a pudding cup.

WALLACE: What are you looking at now?

VERONICA: The opposite of tawdriness. [in baby voice] Wallace and his pudding cup.

WALLACE: Yeah, Mom seems to forget I'm not five anymore.

VERONICA: Well who can blame her? [in baby voice again] Wallace and his-

Veronica halts as she sees Wallace waving frantically at someone behind her and turns to look. It's Jackie.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: And his new pal, the hot bitchy transfer from New York. I guess he really isn't five anymore.

Wallace notices his friend's lack of enthusiasm.

WALLACE: Wh- You met Jackie, right?

VERONICA: I didn't realize you were lunch buddies.

WALLACE: I'm going for lunch buddies with privileges. Help a brother out.

VERONICA: Well if you wanna play in her league, you'd better hide your little pudding.

Wallace grabs the pudding cup and hides in on the bench. He sees that Veronica is sceptical.

WALLACE: Hey, I like her, okay? Retract claws.

Veronica holds out her hands, spreading her fingers.

VERONICA: Claws, what claws?

JACKIE: Hey, Wallace.

Jackie sits next to Wallace (fortunately on the side opposite the pudding cup).

[203/1406.jpg]WALLACE: Hey, Jackie. You guys met.

VERONICA: Yes, actually, she requested I step outside my job description at Java the Hut the other day.

JACKIE: Hey, I'm sorry about that. I forgot to leave the New York attitude in New York.

Veronica nods, still not warming to the girl.

WALLACE: So, how you doing?

JACKIE: Awful. No matter how many schools I get kicked out of, I can't seem to escape this thing.

She throws a copy of Jane Austen's[ Pride and Prejudice (Enriched Classic version) onto the table.

JACKIE: Six-hundred pages of pasty white chicks cat-fighting over some stick-up-his-butt dude's [using air quotes and an English accent] prospects.

WALLACE: Hey, I got the CliffNotes. Only eighty pages. You can borrow it sometime, if you want, or something.

JACKIE: Even one page of this pre-Victorian corset crap puts me to sleep. Why can't we read Burroughs or something?

VERONICA VOICEOVER: All right, brother, prepare to be helped out.

VERONICA: Ah, Duncan and I were gonna rent the BBC series of it. We can fast-forward through the corsets and the bitching, and Colin Firth is in it, if you guys wanna join.

WALLACE: Hot damn! Colin Firth is in it.

Jackie laughs.

JACKIE: [dismissively] Yeah, sure.

Wallace gives Veronica a wink.


Veronica shows a couple to a table.

VERONICA: Someone will be right with you.


Veronica hurries away, passing a waitress. She points to the table.

VERONICA: Table one.


She continues on to Beaver's table. She hands him the envelope with the photos.

VERONICA: I guess that hunch was a good hunch.

[203/1528.jpg]He takes out the pictures and goes through them. The last picture he looks at shows the motel room's curtains closed.

BEAVER: Damn, that's cold. She's doing it on one of my dad's own properties. This isn't enough. They could be doing anything behind that door.

VERONICA: Oh, you sweet simple boy.

BEAVER: I'm serious, okay? There's no clause in the pre-nup against her swapping gym-bags with some cheeseball.

VERONICA: What would she...

Surprised, Veronica picks up the pictures, not having realised before that Kendall and the man had swapped bags.

BEAVER: God, she's probably stealing from my dad too.

VERONICA: All right, easy, Chief. I'll get you the money shot. First I need a hundred dollars.

BEAVER: What for?

VERONICA: Expenses.

Veronica hands Beaver her own iPod Shuffle.

VERONICA: Can you load Kendall's music onto that?

Beaver, dour, examines the iPod.


At her desk in her bedroom, Veronica takes a new iPod Shuffle out of its packaging and sets about taking it apart.


From inside, Veronica can be seen exiting the LeBaron, leaving it outside the large doors into the workroom. There are pictures on the wall of the workroom, between the large doors, including a picture of a blonde with a mechanic, standing in front of a red sports car. Veronica enters, passing a white Lamborghini Gallardo with the boot lid open. Another Lamborghini is up on a ramp and there's a green Bentley Continental in the corner.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: If Curly Moran worked here, I can pretty much assume he wasn't interested in me because of my car.

As she walks further in, she sees a wheeled workstation with the name "Moran" painted on it.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: And I don't suppose he left a bunch of helpful clues just lying around.

Veronica starts looking at the workstation.

MECHANIC: Is that your car? Because we don't service those here.

VERONICA: No, actually. I called earlier, Curly's niece? Maybe he mentioned me, Veronica Mars?

MECHANIC: No...but you're just in time.

He pulls up a box.

MECHANIC: We're about to trash this stuff. You can take it if you want it.

VERONICA: So he never...said anything about Veronica Mars?

MECHANIC: Curly didn't say much as a general rule. Sorry, kid.

The mechanic leaves her to it.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: Not a particularly sentimental bunch here at the garage.

Veronica looks in the box. A baseball bat sticks out from it and on the top is a girlie calendar "Lube-Tube: Hotrod Hotties Calendar 2005" from Heindrich Oil Filters.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: So, no information, but I am now the proud owner of an oil filter-themed nude calendar.

Veronica puts the calendar aside and picks up some framed, autographed photographs. The first is of Moran with the same woman and reds sports car as is displayed on the wall, although there with a different mechanic. On Moran's picture, she's written "Thanks for the Hot Rod. Peace. Tiffany."

VERONICA VOICEOVER: Curly with bimbo...

The next picture shows Moran with a tall black man, Moran's arm stretching to rest on his shoulder as they shake hands in front of a black sports car. The message is "Yo G. You da money. Cristopher." (Missing "H.") The man looks a little like Terrence Cook.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: Curly with sports star...

[203/1722.jpg]Veronica takes the picture from the top to reveal the final photograph. The sports car is red but it's the people that stop her in her tracks. It's of Moran with Aaron Echolls. The message reads: All these years still on "The Long Haul" Always your pal, Aaron Echolls.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: And what's this? It looks as though Curly and I have a friend in common.


Duncan enters the FBLA classroom, one hand holding his lunch tray, the other holding Veronica's hand. Veronica is distracted as she is led by Duncan.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: Maybe it's just a coincidence: an ex-con shows up with my name on his hand when I'm the key witness in his benefactor's murder trial?

Logan is already seated at one of the desks, eating his lunch. He looks up at them.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: And maybe it's another coincidence that Curly Moran was following me that day on the cliff. But I doubt it.

Duncan, noticing that Veronica's mind is elsewhere, stops and looks down at her.

DUNCAN: Hey, what's on your mind?

VERONICA: Just...fine European automobiles.

DUNCAN: Since when have you ever thought about fine European automobiles?

VERONICA: Ever since I became a Future Business Leader of America.

Duncan laughs and continues around the room to the last two free desks, one on either side of Logan. In anticipation, Logan picks up his lunch and moves to the far desk, leaving them two desks next to each other. Without looking at them, he gestures "There" with a flourish. Veronica ignores him, taking the desk furthest from him but Duncan gives him a hard stare and just barely shakes his head before sitting at the desk between Logan and Veronica.

POPE: Congratulations, FBLAers. You are now worth exactly one million dollars.

LOGAN: What?

STUDENT: All right!

LOGAN: You mean I've lost money? Heads will roll.

Logan throws another piece of food into his mouth.

POPE: I assume that you have all heard about my stock market game, in fact, I think many of you have played before. Over the course of the school year, each club member will control a virtual portfolio. Now, you may invest your money any way you see fit, as long as it's legal.

Pope points at Dick.

DICK: Dude, dog racing is totally legal.

POPE: But, hardly lucrative, as I recall from your performance last year. The student with the most valuable holdings at the closing bell on June 1st will claim a prize more valuable than money. A small shiny plaque with his or her name on it and all attendant bragging rights.

There are giggles, groans and whoop-de-dos from the students. Some clap and whistle. Pope approaches the presentation screen. He pulls up a graph headed "2004-2005 F.B.L.A. Portfolio Race." Figures from $600,000 to $2,300,000 run along the y-axis and what are probably time intervals run along the bottom x-axis. All the lines start at $1,000,000 and most traverse the chart within close proximity to their starting point. One line performs significantly better, a steady rise showing up to the top figure.

POPE: All right, for those of you who are shooting for full-on Warren Buffet status, there is a cash prize...

He pulls what looks to be a dollar bill out of the breast pocket of his shirt and waves it.

[203/1902.jpg]POPE: Ooo...for the student who can beat the SNP average.

DUNCAN: Standard and Poors?

POPE: Samuel Nelson Pope, yours truly.

Pope taps the screen on the top performing traverse on the graph.

BEAVER: Wow. Well, what'd you invest in, Mr. Pope?

POPE: Well, take a look.

He points the remote at the screen and brings up a pair of pie charts under the heading "Mr. Pope's Portfolio." For 2003-2004, it shows: Mutual Fund 15%, Blue Chips 26%, Int'l Funds 12%, US Bonds 5%, CASE 10%, T-Bills 33% (which makes a pie plus 1%). For 2004-2005, it shows: Mutual Fund 12%, Blue Chips 18%, Int'l Funds 7%, US Bonds 2%, CASE 45%, T-Bills 15%. (which makes a pie less 1% - 1% must have strayed into the wrong chart.)

POPE: I haven't made too many changes since last year. I tend to be more conservative than my students, primarily because I use this model for my own 401(k).

LOGAN: How much real money did you make?

POPE: Suffice it to say, ah, precisely enough to retire in exactly nine months.

Pope points the remote at the screen again which superimposes "Case: Casablancas Inc, Real Estate Investment Trust" over the pie charts. There are murmurs of appreciation in the classroom.

STUDENT: Oh, man!

DICK: Dad's pulling in thirty-five percent returns? Dude, I'm the one that's retiring.

POPE: I'll alert the dog track.

There's laughter.

POPE: As for myself, uh, at the end of this year, I'll hang up my stock market spurs, buy some cozy T-bills, and literally, sail off into the sunset.

He taps a picture on the bulletin board behind his desk. It is of a sailboat.



DUNCAN: Is that a Swan 40?

POPE: Yeah, nice, huh? From 1971. I, ah, I would have retired earlier, but actually the, uh, the restoration's been tricky. We had to reseal the hull twice.

LOGAN: Didn't plug her right the first time, huh?

Logan smirks, then, quite deliberately looks at Duncan. Dick laughs and nods, apparently understanding an inference to Veronica. It takes him a moment, but when Duncan does, he explodes. He shoots up and over to grab Logan.


The boys spill out of the classroom, Duncan running Logan into the lockers while Logan beats on his back. Logan twists and they both hit the lockers hard, each having hold of the other's jacket. Duncan swings Logan back round into the lockers and lets his fist fly. Duncan blocks it with his arm but the momentum takes them both down and sounds of their grappling continue to be heard.


Duncan sits at the end of a cot, Logan at the end of an examination table, next to it. Both have injuries to their hands. Duncan has a bloodied noise and there is grazing around Logan's left eye. The school nurse finishes her administrations to Duncan's hand.

NURSE: Well, I can tell you one thing: whoever it is you're fighting over, she won't be very impressed by this. And you're done. I believe the principal is waiting for you. I'll be back for you.

The nurse leaves and Duncan stands, grabbing his jacket. He starts to make his way out.

LOGAN: Actually, I disagree with Nurse Ratched, I think Veronica would have been quite impressed.

Duncan pauses and turns back to Logan.

LOGAN: Probably a little turned on too.

DUNCAN: Careful, Logan. You're exposing your soft underbelly.

LOGAN: My underbelly is rock-hard. It can go all night.

DUNCAN: You lost her; I didn't steal her.

Logan jumps off the end of the examination table.

LOGAN: Oh, hell with Veronica. She's in the rear-view mirror. Where were you this summer, man?

DUNCAN: What do you mean?

LOGAN: [angry] Oh, remember, there was this little situation? I was accused of murder? I am the eye of a storm and I never heard from you. It is a war out there and you're on the sidelines? Do you remember when you used to have my back?

DUNCAN: Yeah, wait, I do remember this summer.

LOGAN: Yeah.

Logan turns and leans against the partition between the cot and the examination.

DUNCAN: I was dealing with this thing, what was it? Oh, yeah, I remember now.

Duncan walks up close to Logan.

DUNCAN: Your dad murdered my sister.

Logan doesn't look at him, staring into space and swallowing. The nurse re-enters.

NURSE: The principal's waiting, young man.

Duncan turns and walks towards the door, past the poster of an apple "Manufactured by Mother Nature." Logan looks at his back.

[203/2109.jpg]LOGAN: [softly] I hate him too, you know.

Duncan stops but doesn't turn around. He sighs and leaves as Logan places himself back on the examining table. The nurse wheels her chair closer to him and starts to apply antiseptic to his hand. She looks up into his face and hesitates.

NURSE: I'm sorry, does that sting?

Logan's eyes are filled with tears. He looks away.


Duncan, Veronica, Wallace and Jackie are watching what purports to be Pride and Prejudice. (Would a clip of the right music have cost that much?) Duncan has his arm around Veronica, who is gently stroking his bandaged hand. He laughs.

[203/2139.jpg]DUNCAN: Veronica, it's no big deal, just what guys do sometimes.

VERONICA: I don't think Colin Firth gets into these pointless fisticuffs. A pistol duel, maybe, but...

WALLACE: I realize I'm not a nineteenth-century British woman, but I just don't get that Colin Firth thing.

DUNCAN: I think it's less him they're after and more the mansion with the matching swans.

JACKIE: No, it's him. Last year I dated this actor, big mistake by the way, but he did this play in London, and he was at the after-party. I'm no nineteenth-century British woman either, but if [English accent] Mr. Darcy would have asked, he would not have needed swans.

Jackie carries on much to the admiration of Wallace and the entertainment of Duncan. Veronica's face shows her antipathy pretty clearly.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: And so it's gone all night: how Jackie met Colin Firth, how Jackie got herself thrown out of St Paul's Prep for borrowing the dean's car, how Jackie got bored with Manhattan and flew to Paris with her boyfriend for her birthday. JACKIE: Get a guy who knows how to wear a Saville Row suit, it's...

VERONICA VOICEOVER: How can Jackie stand the non-stop excitement of being herself?

Later, as Veronica dries her hands in the bathroom, Wallace enters. Veronica doesn't turn around, instead talking to his image in the mirror.

WALLACE: So...she's cool, huh?

Laughter comes from the main room.

VERONICA: Is there such a thing as too cool?

WALLACE: What do you mean?

VERONICA: I mean...

She turns and faces him.

VERONICA: Are you sure there's not a more you kind of girl at Neptune?

WALLACE: So, what, you think she's out of my league? You think I'm too small-time for a girl like that?

VERONICA: [quickly] Wallace, no, that's not what I mean.

WALLACE: Then what did you mean?

VERONICA VOICEOVER: What did you mean, Veronica?

VERONICA: I mean...I think you're out of her league. But if you want to slum it a bit, maybe I'll help her out with you. I used to have an in with Wallace Fennel. I could put in a good word.

JACKIE: [offscreen] What's going on?

Jackie comes in and Wallace widens his eye in warning to Veronica.

JACKIE: I thought only girls went to the bathroom together.

VERONICA: Just a little personal grooming chat. Wallace wanted to know what kind of hair styles drive girls crazy.

A happy Wallace runs his hands a few inches above his hair. Jackie reaches her hands up to his head.

JACKIE: Personally, I'm a sucker for the wild look.

She runs her fingers through his hair and growls like a tiger before kissing him.

DUNCAN: [offscreen] Hey, you're missing it. Some guy just touched Lizzie's glove.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: Retract claws, Veronica.

Veronica steps around the cooing couple, leaving them in the bathroom. Later, Wallace helps Jackie on with her jacket as Veronica touches Duncan's bandage again, smiling.

JACKIE: God, that's only half of it? I should've just read the book. Thanks so much, you guys. That was fun.

Duncan is at the door, holding it open.

DUNCAN: Sure. Great meeting you, officially.

JACKIE: Thanks, Veronica. I'll see you at school.

Veronica, a strained smile on her face, nods.

WALLACE: We should get together Friday and finish it. I hear there's a bitching chase scene at the end.

VERONICA: I can't. I gotta work

JACKIE: Yeah, I'm busy too. We'll find another night.

WALLACE: All right.

Wallace and Jackie head for the door.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: I can hardly wait.

The fake smile drops as soon as they pass.

WALLACE: All right man.

Duncan pats Wallace on the back as he goes, and closes the door to the suite.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: I'll see if I can clear my calendar.

Duncan walks back to Veronica, oblivious to Veronica's feeling on the matter.

DUNCAN: She's cool.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: Oh, yeah, way cool.

Duncan kisses her.

[203/2410.jpg]INT– GYM – DAY.

Bottoms jiggle on elliptical trainers.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: Kendall Casablancas is one of the most energetic trophy wives I've ever seen.

Kendall, in tight purple spandex shorts, is working hard on hers.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: In and out of every high-end store in town without standing still long enough to let me make my move.

Veronica is on the trainer next to her, an iPod in her hand and headphones in her ears, looking at the iPod quizzically. She looks over Kendall, also listening to her iPod.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: Not standing still, but this is probably the best chance I'm going to get.

Veronica jumps off the trainer and approaches Kendall.


Veronica talks. Kendall notices her out of the corner of her eye but can't hear her until she stops and takes out her headphones.

VERONICA: I'm really sorry to bug you. I noticed we have the same iPod.

KENDALL: [sarcastically] Wow, what are the odds?

She stares at Veronica, somewhat impatient.

KENDALL: Can I help you with something...before my heart goes out of the red zone?

VERONICA: Oh, totally. No, this'll just take, like, a second. Um, it's just, I think my player is acting funky, and I'm not sure if it's my player or my headphones, and I don't want to borrow my boyfriend's headphones…

Kendall waves her hand in the "wind it up" gesture.

VERONICA: Because he has, like, major earwax and that would be totally gross, so could I-

KENDALL: Borrow mine?


KENDALL: All right, just, you know, make it quick. My ass needs some major work here, okay?

Kendall hands Veronica her iPod. Veronica plugs her earphones into Kendall's iPod and listens.

VERONICA: Well, the headphones aren't broken.

Kendall doesn't really want to know.

VERONICA: I love this song.

KENDALL: I love it too. [pointedly] I love how it keeps my heart rate in the red zone.

VERONICA: What else do you have on here?

Veronica shuffles the music. Kendall has lost all patience and holds out her hand for her iPod.

VERONICA: Oh. Sorry.

Veronica takes her earphones out of Kendall's iPod but before handing it over, she pulls a switch and gives Kendall back the iPod Veronica had.

VERONICA: Well, I guess mine's busted.

Veronica exits, but comes back.

VERONICA: And, your ass looks totally awesome, by the way.

That placates Kendall somewhat.



Veronica is standing by a lifeguard station, next to a surfboard. It's the same surfboard Dick had in his room although he is not seen on the beach. Veronica watches Kendall and the man from the gym as they walk towards a room at the same hotel that they went to before.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: You gotta admire a girl who sticks to her schedule. Lunch...bag switch...followed by illicit sex at one of her husband's numerous hotels.

She takes another picture.


She pulls her phone out of her bag and punches in a number.

BEAVER'S MESSAGE: Hey, leave a message.

VERONICA: Hey, Beaver, it's Veronic- Sorry, Cassidy. It worked. Steal it back and meet me before closing tonight. See ya.

[203/2612.jpg]Veronica takes another picture, this time of the name of the motel. It's called the Sandpiper Hotel.

VERONICA: Sandpiper?

Veronica reaches into her bag and pulls out the Casablancas REIT brochure. She looks again at the picture of the Sandpiper. It is very different.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: I don't know what's going on with this hotel, but it's pretty clear someone, somehow, is getting screwed.


The County Courthouse is the same building that houses the sheriff's department. The camera slowly zooms in towards the building.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: Kendall's special someone went straight from the motel to the bank, Kendall's gym bag in hand. Next stop, a strange one, the County Courthouse.


The man walks towards the entrance to the Sheriff's Department.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: Any chance this gigolo is turning himself in to the sheriff?

He walks past. Veronica, following, pauses at the entrance then continues on behind him. She sees him go through a glass door marked "Jack Montana County Assessor."

VERONICA VOICEOVER: What kind of business does he have with the assessor? And is our assessor's name actually Jack Montana?

Veronica goes through the door. An elderly secretary works at a desk in a front office.

[203/2734.jpg]VERONICA: I need to know that man's name, where did he go?

SECRETARY: Are you looking for someone?

VERONICA: The guy who is meeting with the assessor hit my car in the parking lot and I need to get his name.

SECRETARY: I'm sorry, you must be mistaken.

VERONICA: Lady, my dad will kill me.

SECRETARY: I can assure you. There is no one in Mr. Montana's office except Mr. Montana.

VERONICA: Dark hair? This-this tall?

SECRETARY: Mr. Montana.

Veronica has an epiphany. She turns and leaves.


Pope is crouched down at a low shelf when Veronica knocks and enters. Pope stands.

VERONICA: What can you tell me about real estate fraud?

POPE: Well, provided your interest is purely academic, uh, there's really not a lot to say. Which is not to say it doesn't exist. But, ah, it's pretty hard to fleece people since generally they don't buy property sight unseen.

He goes to sit at his desk.

VERONICA: Except in the case of a REIT.

POPE: True, but there's still multiple safeguards in place. Uh, a local assessor, for instance, makes sure that all properties are sold for fair market value.

VERONICA: So even if you bribed the assessor, you'd have to find a really unsuspecting buyer?

POPE: Well, I suppose you could borrow against an inflated property, to buy more property, and then inflate its value, and so forth and so on.

VERONICA: Like building a house of cards?

POPE: Yup, I suppose it might work...until somebody sneezes.

VERONICA: Sell your Casablancas stock.

POPE: What?

VERONICA: Mr. Casablancas is artificially driving up his company's value.

POPE: Ho-how do you---

Veronica pulls out the brochure and lays it on Pope's desk, open at the picture of the Sandpiper Hotel.

VERONICA: Because I have seen the fabulous Sandpiper Hotel...and there's nothing fabulous about it...

She lays on top of it the picture she took at the beach.

VERONICA: …and it's not worth nearly sixty million dollars.

Pope, concerned, holds up both to look more closely.

POPE: This has to be a mistake.

VERONICA: It's not a mistake. I've checked. This isn't the only one.

Pope gets up from his desk and walks slowly towards the bulletin board and the picture of his boat.

VERONICA: And the buyers in the most recent sales? Shell companies controlled by Casablancas Enterprises. It is a house of cards. And someone's gonna sneeze on it. Me. Mr. Pope, dump your stock.

POPE: You don't dump it, Veronica. You sell somebody else. I'd just be sticking some other sucker with the consequences. I don't think I can live with that.

[203/2929.jpg]Veronica collects the brochure and the picture.

VERONICA: Then I guess you won't be taking an early retirement.

Pope nods sadly. Veronica leaves. Pope turns to the board and takes down the picture of the boat.


Some light easy listening/jazz plays (piano, bass and drums).


Keith and Alicia are sitting together in a booth, his arm resting on her shoulders, her hand in his, enjoying the music.

ALICIA: So, what do you think the kids are doing right now?

KEITH: As long as they're not in jail or setting anything on fire, I kind of don't care. I am running for sheriff. It would look bad if Veronica got arrested.

ALICIA: Do you really want it back? The sheriff, all the politics?

KEITH: Yeah, I do. I like being that guy. I'd love to have underlings and deputies other than my daughter. She's really no good at wrestling the hopped-up meth-heads into the back of the car.

ALICIA: How do you think she's gonna handle it?

KEITH: Are you kidding? Veronica's the one who talked me into running.


KEITH: Mm-hmm.

[203/3037.jpg]She holds up her glass.

ALICIA: Like I said, you got my vote.

KEITH: Oh, I'm counting on it.

They clink glasses and sip. The combo finishes the piece and Keith and Alicia clap with the other guests. Alicia looks at Keith, puts her arm around him and pulls him in for a kiss.

ALICIA: You wanna get out of here?

KEITH: Mm-hmm.

Keith nods enthusiastically and Alicia laughs before kissing him again.

ALICIA: Mm-hmm.

They leave, passing a bar with people on stools. A man sitting at the bar sees them coming towards him.

GUY: Cheri? Hey, Cher?

Alicia sees him and nearly stumbles, but carries on past, ignoring him. The man watches them. Alicia hurries down some steps into one of the lifts. The man comes after her.

GUY: Hey, Cher!

The lift doors close just as he reaches them.

KEITH: You know that guy?


KEITH: Cher. You get that a lot?

Alicia laughs uncomfortably.

ALICIA: More than you think. Do you know how to make a minibar martini?

KEITH: Are you kidding? I invented the damn things.

Upstairs, the man watches the lights on the lift Keith and Alicia are on. He notes that it stops on the third floor. Cut to reception.

GUY: I need a name from you...a couple, a white guy, black woman, staying on the third floor.

CLERK: I'm sorry sir, but we don't give out names of guests staying at the-

The man shows a badge.

GUY: Just find the name.

The clerk nods and checks the computer.

LARS: [offscreen, singing] I sigh for Jeannie…


It's Karaoke Night and Lars, Meg's co-anchor from 108 "Like a Virgin" is serenading his sweetheart who is the only one to appreciate his strangled and out-of-tune rendition.

LARS: [singing] …with the light brown hair, floating like a zephyr on a soft summer air.

He holds the last painful note, his eyes tear-filled.

LARS: I love you, Jeannie.

People clap politely.

KARAOKE MC: Thank you, Lars. Lars, everyone. And now, Courtney.

Veronica hurries through with her laptop, passing Courtney (Taylor-Taylor, lead singer of the Dandy Warhols in a cameo performance) sitting at the counter on a stool, talking to a girl.

KARAOKE MC: Courtney, you wanna come up here?

Courtney rises and heads for the small stage.

COURTNEY: Nice one, Jeannie. [offscreen] Strapping young lad.

Jeannie and Lars kiss. Back on stage, Courtney gets philosophical.

[203/3252.jpg]COURTNEY: Young love, so beautiful. But you know, even young love has a dark side, so let's not lose perspective.


COURTNEY: [singing] Love hurts, love scars, love wounds and marks
Any heart not tough or strong enough
To take a lot of pain, take a lot of pain.
Love is like a cloud, holds a lot of rain.

Jeannie is deeply affected by Courtney's rendition. Lars is not so happy to have her attention diverted.

COURTNEY: [offscreen, singing] Love hurts

On stage, Courtney croons.

COURTNEY: Oooh, love hurts.

Veronica reaches Beaver and slides in next to him. Courtney continues to sing in the background.

COURTNEY: [offscreen, singing] I'm young, I know, but even so
I know a thing or two I learned from you.
I really learned a lot, really learned a lot,
Love is like a flame…

Beaver holds up the retrieved iPod as Veronica opens up the laptop.

BEAVER: Ta-da! Nice work with the camera, by the way. I couldn't even find the lens.

Veronica takes it from him and plugs it into the laptop.

VERONICA: That's the idea. This might take a little while.

A panel with sixteen pictures appears. The first twelve are of Jack Montana. The last four are of Logan but neither Veronica nor Beaver appear to notice.

BEAVER: Two thousand pictures.

VERONICA: One every fifteen seconds.

Veronica clicks on something which brings up many, many more pictures of Jack Montana. She clicks on one. This brings up a "Duplicate Photo" screen, the question "Would you like to import the following duplicate photo?" and options. Veronica selects "Import" and a slide show of the pictures starts.

BEAVER: My dad is gonna kill that guy.

Veronica speeds them up. Jake Montana seems to be spending his time with Kendall completing paperwork.

BEAVER: What are they doing here?

VERONICA: There's something I need to tell you about your dad, Cassidy.

Beaver looks up.

BEAVER: Hey, Veronica, you've got customers.

VERONICA: Okay, I'll be right back.

Veronica leaves Beaver with the computer.

COURTNEY: [offscreen, singing] It burns you when it's hot.
Love hurts. Ooh, love hurts.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: How do I break this to you, kid? You hired me to protect your old man from a gold-digging wife and I wind up proving that they're both gold-digging Casablancas Enterprises investors for millions. I get the distinct feeling that "sorry" won't cut it.

Veronica approaches the hostess desk. She sees that her customers are Jackie with a man with whom she seems quite intimate. Courtney is still in song.

COURTNEY: [offscreen, singing] Some fools think of happiness. Blissfulness. Togetherness. Some fools fool themselves I guess.
They're not fooling me.

Veronica pointedly clears her throat.

JACKIE: Oh, hey, Veronica.

VERONICA: Hey, Jackie...and...Random Dude.

JACKIE: Dave, this is Veronica, the girl I was a total bee-yatch to. We'll just take that table over there. You look pretty busy.


Veronica watches them walk to their table with a look of distaste.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: You look pretty busy yourself. Too busy for Wallace, definitely too busy for me.

Veronica heads back to Beaver but slows as she gets closer.

COURTNEY: [offscreen, singing] I know it isn't true, know it isn't true.

Beaver is gone, the laptop open, a picture on display.

COURTNEY: [offscreen, singing] Love is just a lie, made to make you blue.

Veronica sits with shocked disbelief. It's Logan with his shirt off. Kendall can be seen as a reflection in a mirror, unbuttoning her blouse. Veronica runs through the next two pictures as Logan get closer to Kendall.

COURTNEY: [offscreen, singing] Love hurts. Oooh, love hurts. Ooooh.

She reaches the last picture, after Kendall divested herself of the iPod, which was left to point at the ceiling. Veronica looks to the side of the laptop. The iPod is gone.


Dick, in his "I Have Candy" T-shirt, is at his locker. Veronica approaches.

VERONICA: Where's your brother?

DICK: He didn't come to school today.

VERONICA: Have you seen Logan?

DICK: No, he didn't come to school today either. I thought it was just a coincidence, but now that I think about it...

[203/3533.jpg]Dick puts his fingers to his mouth in faux terror before smirking. He slams his locker shut and walks away. Veronica pulls out her phone. She dials but is interrupted by Wallace and Jackie.

WALLACE: Hey, Veronica. So you in? We're doing it.

VERONICA: And what is "it"?

WALLACE: P and P, baby, Pride and Prejudice. Second half, it's going down tomorrow night.

JACKIE: I hear there's a bitching chase scene at the end.

VERONICA: [pointed] Really, and you're not...busy?

JACKIE: No, I'm totally free.

WALLACE: So, great, it's on. I can't wait. Lizzie getting busy with Colin Fizz-irth. So, you coming?

VERONICA: Yeah, I just have to check something.

WALLACE: All right.

Wallace and Jackie leave and Veronica finishes dialling.


In Logan's bedroom, the phone rings on his bed.

LOGAN: Ah, sweet son of man, saved by the bell.

He reaches for the phone but Kendall, who is on top of him, snatches it away. Logan falls back down on the bed as she checks the caller ID.

[203/3620.jpg]KENDALL: Veronica.


KENDALL: Is my little boy cheating on me?

He stretches up to try and grab the phone but Kendall pulls it out of his reach.

LOGAN: It's just someone from school.

KENDALL: Ooo, a schoolgirl.

LOGAN: Yeah.

KENDALL: Should we invite her over? I got a boy-toy. A girl-toy might spice things up a little.

This time he grabs it. He turns it off and throws it to the floor.

LOGAN: I can handle the spice department, thank you very much.

KENDALL: Oh, really?

[203/3639.jpg]LOGAN: Really.

Logan pulls her down as she laughs.


Veronica gets Logan's answer machine.

LOGAN'S PHONE MESSAGE: This is Logan with today's inspirational message. "To love and win is the best thing. To love and lose, the next best." William M. Thackeray.

She hurries down the hall.

[203/3709.jpg]EXT– NEPTUNE STREETS – DAY.

The LeBaron races down the road, passing a diner. From the door of the diner, the man from Chicago exits, with a cup of coffee. He walks round to the side of the diner to where there is a pay phone. He grabs the phone book and finds the right page. His finger travels down the names (see for the list – I'm spent) until he finds Alicia's name (2414 Rialto Way. Tel: 619 555 0104). He tears the page out of the phone book.


Veronica, having parked the LeBaron outside the front door, marches up to the house. She rings the bell but gets no answer. She looks round the back and sees Logan's Xterra.


Veronica has found a way in and opens the door into Logan's bedroom. The shower can be heard running and then stopping. The room is a mess with bedding and clothes thrown about willy-nilly. A standard lamp is tipped against the wall and a smaller one is on the floor. Veronica walks over towards it. A door creaks and Logan enters from the bathroom, a towel around his waist preserving his modesty. He carries a smaller towel. He pauses only for a moment, then wanders into the room. Veronica turns and sees him, then turns back and picks up a small table lamp from the floor, setting it back on the bedside table.

VERONICA: I love what you've done with the place.

LOGAN: Yeah. Yup, now you know what you were missing.

Logan does a little "ta-da" gesture with his hands.

VERONICA: Is your girlfriend still here?

LOGAN: Girlfriend? Girlfriend, I don--no, uh, you have to be a little more specific.

VERONICA: Let me clarify, the one's whose husband is gonna break you in half…

[203/3817.jpg]Logan takes a deep breath at this and grins.

VERONICA: When he finds out that his son's old Cub Scout camporee buddy is secretly plowing his wife?

LOGAN: Ahh-ha, that one is less a girlfriend and more a...playmate, kind of.

VERONICA: [cold and angry] I hope you're scared on the inside, Logan. What if I had been Mr. Casablancas? What would you have done then, huh? Just standing here in your towel and your room still reeking of bimbo?

Logan, either not appearing or refusing to appear to be anything but amused by the whole thing, falls back on his extensive store of pop culture references to I Love Lucy.

LOGAN: I suppose I would have had some 'splaining to do.

Veronica is not in the mood.

VERONICA: God, what a cliché! Poor little rich boy with a death-wish. And I used to think that it was bad luck that landed you in danger…

Logan swallows, that point hitting home.

VERONICA: The knife fight on the bridge and the drive-by in your car. But no, now I see you actually enjoy it, don't you, Logan?

LOGAN: Well, then I guess I should feel grateful for having such a devoted ex-girlfriend looking after me.

He's back to careless sarcasm and brings the small towel from around his neck to the top of his head.

LOGAN: My very own guardian angel.

VERONICA: [frosty] Don't flatter yourself. The only reason I came here is so I won't have to feel responsible.

LOGAN: Yeah, what, responsible for what?

VERONICA: For taking pictures of you and Kendall playing house. Don't take it the wrong way, Logan, it was a job, nothing more.

Veronica marches to the door.

LOGAN: Right, and so you storm out in a burst of professionalism.

Veronica whirls back to face him, backing out of the room.

VERONICA: I suggest you start locking your doors.

She slams the door shut and strides down the hall, which still bears Aaron Echolls memorabilia such as a poster for Hard Ball. She rounds the corner, glances at a wall and comes to a sudden halt.

VERONICA: Oh, my God.

There are posters on the wall, including ones for Crimson Dawn, Fierce Instinct and The Long Haul. There are three more posters above these and another to the side on which can be seen Reality Bites and Will reality TV really sell? It is the poster for The Long Haul," (a John Enbom film) on which the credits are set out across the bottom corner that has stopped Veronica in her tracks. The credits read: "In association with Klemmer Productions…Botall-Stars Pictures. Starring Aaron Echolls, 'The Long Haul,' Alicia Roldan, Sam Barrie, James Dirk. Written by Marcus Silva, Jim Hunsaker, Stunt Coordinator David Moran. Music by Stacey Fields, Directed by John Kretchmer."

VERONICA VOICEOVER: I must have walked down this hall a hundred times during my summer with Logan. What was it Aaron wrote to Curly on that picture? "All these years, still on the long haul"? The Long Haul. That's not some kind of macho expression, it's a movie. The 1982 thriller that introduced a young action star named Aaron Echolls, featuring a signature stunt where a truck is sent veering over a bridge, a stunt supervised and performed by David "Curly" Moran.

Logan, now dressed, and eating an apple, joins her.

LOGAN: Ah, if this is what you call storming out, I'm not sure you understand the concept.

Veronica hurries away.

[203/4004.jpg]INT– BIG DICK'S OFFICE – DAY.

Big Dick sifts through the pictures of Logan and Kendall.

BIG DICK: Where the hell did these come from?

Beaver is standing next to him, leaning over his desk, looking behind his shoulder.

BEAVER: I'm sorry, Dad, but I-I couldn't let her do this to you any longer, you know? So...yeah, so I hired someone.

BIG DICK: Private investigator?


Music: "Smoke It" by the Dandy Warhols. Big Dick rises from his chair and grasps Beaver's arms.

BIG DICK: Oh, son.

Big Dick hurriedly grabs his briefcase and shoves some files into it.

BEAVER: Wh-wh-what are you gonna do?

Big Dick ignores his son. A voice sounds over the intercom.

INTERCOM: Mr. Casablancas? Some gentlemen from the SEC are here to see you.

Big Dick clutches his briefcase and races out of his office. He points to his staff as he bolts across the premises. Beaver follows, bemused.

BIG DICK: Shred it. Shred everything. Shred everything. Empty your files and start shredding. Right. Now. Start. Shredding. Start. Now. Open your desks, get all the papers out, do it, right now, do it.

VARIOUS WORKERS: Pull it all out. All the files. All of them, let's go! Can you give me a hand? Just do it.

The staff run around like lunatics to do as instructed. Beaver watches this all with concern. He looks back and sees two officious-looking men walking through the office. Looking forward, Beaver sees his father has disappeared. Beaver is close to tears.


Big Dick is on the roof and runs to the topmost section and into a waiting helicopter. The chopper takes off.


Duncan is watching television. There is a knock at the door.

TELEVISION:...on your phone plan, I can't beat it. I tried all the others and there was always some surprise...going over on your minutes.

He opens it to Veronica, who hurries into the room.

DUNCAN: Hey. Did you hear about Dick's dad all over the news?

Veronica stops but doesn't turn around.

[203/4155.jpg]VERONICA: It was me.

DUNCAN: What? Veronica, what are you...

She turns to face him.

VERONICA: [upset] The bus crash. It was meant for me. They all died because of me.

Duncan isn't sure what to make of this. Veronica starts to cry and leans into Duncan's arms. End music: "Smoke It" by the Dandy Warhols. End. Executive producer: Rob Thomas.

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